Painting this canvas with the colors of our love

Love me again

"That's insane why would anyone do that?" Sarah asked looking at my broken lip and bloody nose.
"I think she didn't mean to do it she was in a delirium, she beat anyone in that room, I believe she felt trapped like we were going to hurt her so she just defended herself." I told her trying to make her understand.
"At least did they understand what she was going through?"she asked handing me a piece of ice rolled up in a towel "hopefully it will calm the pain" she added.
"Thank you" I said leaning it on my nose softly "Yes, they asked if anyone of us had an idea of what it could be and I said it could have probably been an initial phase of a bipolar disorder" I told her "They said they needed a few more checks to confirm it but it was the most probable hypothesis" I added lately.
She was just standing and staring at me with a strange look that made me ask "am I bleeding from somewhere I hadn't noticed?" I asked her halfway joking.
"No, no, it was just... I'm proud of you... I am grateful that I am given to see you progress everyday doing what you really like" she said smiling widely at me but I lowered my eyes because I couldn't look straight into her eyes.
She had been a little overzealous lately and of course I knew it was due to her 'unexpected' kiss with her ex and I was doing my best to get over it but it didn't seem like I had progressed so much in this field.
"Will I find you here when I come back tonight?" She asked
"You know I got to go now when I'm not working I have to study or I can forget about the scholarship and having an apartment" I said avoiding answering her previous question.
"Okaaaay... so at least can I call you tonight?" She asked looking quite upset.
I immediately felt sorry I had been avoiding her during these few weeks and of course It hadn't been easy for me to do it but a part of me was still mad at her for that kiss.
"Of course you can call me..." I said softly smiling at her hoping she could forgive me for being so rude at her.
She walked out the door without looking at me and I heard her sighing... I wanted to open the door and tell her I was sorry and that I felt shitty for how I had acted but I wasn't brave enough so I let her leave and I went home a few minutes later.
I probably had to unpack all the stuff and just start to settle down but I didn't do any of this, I had too many exams, too little time to study and too much work to do so I sat down at the table, after having it cleared from all the boxes, and began to study.
The time passed so fast that when I looked up from the book to take a break it was already past the time when normal people should dine and relax. However I was not hungry and I had to wait for sarah's call so I decided to take a shower. I had just closed my eyes enjoying the hot water when I heard the bell ringing several times.
I immediately got out of the shower so fast that I almost slipped and broke my neck but managed to grab a towel and get to the door without serious accidents.
"Oh my God Sarah, I almost slipped on the bathroom floor!" I said letting her in  in order not to stay in front of the door half naked "And also I thought you would call me" I said while she sat on a chair. She looked sad and tired and like she had been crying but didn't say a word.
"Is everything okay?" I added sitting next to her taking her hands into mine.
When she looked up at me I saw she was silently crying "No.. none of that is okay... I mean, look at us what are we now?" She said in a cracked voice that broke my heart "I feel like we haven't really kissed from that night, I can't hug you, I can't even hold your hand because you won't let me, you always escape from my eyes and now I almost forgot the last time you told me that you loved me... I came because I really need to be with you, I want that girl that made me fall in love back"
I didn't know what to say her words had been like a bad storm for me, Sarah had put me in front of something that I was not able to face in fact I had never been good at talking about my feelings.
"I know that I behaved like a real bitch and I am really sorry about it, the fact is that every time I look at you I just want to kiss and caress and hug you but when I really get to touch you even with a finger I can't think of anything else but that day, it's like I was stuck there and it hurts me as much as it hurts you but I don't know what to do" I said trying not to cry.
"I know you wanted to cook dinner for us that day... Would you mind if we have that dinner tonight? because I bought all the groceries and everything you need and also some good wine I think you will like..." she said and made me burst into tears.
How could I be so numb? She loves me and I made her feel like i hated her.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked her "I don't deserve you, I..." she silenced me putting a finger on my lips.
"I'm trying to create a new memory of what you had planned for us that night, hopefully an happier memory so that I can have my beloved girl back" she explained herself and I thought that, somehow, it made sense so I gave it a chance.
"At least I have to dress up I can't cook like this" I said wiping away my tears.
"What a pity... I liked you better like that, you're so sexy" I heard her saying and peering through the bathroom door I saw her biting her lips.
I dressed up as fast as I could and I arranged a dinner for the both of us, it wasn't actually what I had planned to cook that night because there were some ingredients missing but at least it was the true Italian pasta cooked properly.
"Oh my God... I feel really useless now, it's delicious, and also I'm so ashamed of making you eat the food of that "Italian" restaurant that time, this pasta is really divine Sylvia, is there something you can't do?" She started complimenting me while taking the last portion of pasta.
"You were just hungry" I laughed "pasta is the simplest dish of Italian cuisine, every Italian mother prepares it at least once a day, it doesn't take a great chef to do it. My father taught me how to cook it" I told her and as I did I felt a little homesick.
"I can say that's the best thing I have ever eaten" she said with her mouth still full of pasta.
"I'm glad you liked it, nothing could make me happier" I said sipping my glass of wine watching her eat so voraciously
"How can you be so sexy and perfect without any make up on, with your hair still wet and a swollen nose for the beating?" She asked getting up to come and sit on my legs.
Now that I had her so close, I breathed deeply into her scent, wrapping her waist with my arms.
"I love you so much..." I whispered cupping her face with my hands kissing her slowly and softly.
"I love you too.." she said in between kisses getting closer to me.
We kissed and made out on that chair for a while but then we moved to my bed. I felt so complete like I hadn't been really happy from that night I wanted to forget forever.
The few glasses of wine I had had allowed me not to think about it and I was just overwhelmed by her smell, her kisses and her breath, everything was at its place and my heart was finally peaceful at that very moment.
Her hands were everywhere on my body and that touch so delicate yet so powerful for the effect it had on me made me sigh deeply.
"Did I manage to make you love me again?" She whispered in my ear.
"I never stopped, you stupid" I whispered back and leaned back in to kiss her but she pulled back again.
"I-if I asked you something a little bit crazy would you throw me out of a window or..." she stuttered.
"What is it? I like crazy things" I said trying to make her feel comfortable.
"I was thinking about... I mean I don't know if you would like something like this, but I feel like this could be important for us, for our... relationship..." she was trying to explain but that turning around the topic made me a little anxious.
"Sarah, you know I love you, why are you so scared of telling me? Just go straight to the point" I said squeezing her hand tight so trying to give her a little more courage.
"I wanna go public" she said so quickly that I hardly understood.
I was petrified... We hadn't been together for so long to feel the need to go public and then I was just a student, I didn't belong to her world I would feel like a fish out of water and this scared me to death, but if this was what she wanted then I would certainly have done it because my only wish was to see her happy.
"Sarah I barely mentioned to my parents that I met someone special to me here in New York and I certainly did not say it's you, do you think it's a good choice? You are not afraid of criticism and rumors since you have gone from a relationship with a woman much older than you to one with a girl who still goes to university, many may think that I am not at your height and I am not sure I feel ready for this, but if you think it's a good idea I agree, I do not want to lie any more" I told her my point of view.
"We can just go step by step. I'll introduce you to my best friend Amanda and Lily, Evan and the other of the cast, I already talked to them about you and they are really looking forward to meeting you" she suggested and I really wanted to meet her friends, I wanted to get out of the shadows and be serious with her as a real couple but at the same time I was fucking scared "We're having dinner at Evan's tomorrow... So will you come with me so that I can make them all jealous I have this beautiful, smart, flawless young woman next to me?" She giggled.
"Uhm I don't really know if they will like this messed up face i have at the moment but yeah... I'll come with you if that makes you happy" I giggled too "And now let me kiss my official girlfriend" I said and pulled her down on me. She giggled and kissed me really passionately and then we both fell asleep holding each other.