Painting this canvas with the colors of our love

I love(d) you

[Sarah's POV]
When I got back home Amanda was halfway through the process and given my delay she greeted me even more warmly.
"Where the fuck were you bird? We're almost late!" She said loudly.
"I know but I was with Sylvia, I went with her to her exam and then we had lunch together and I came here" I explained smiling to myself while pouring us both a glass of wine.
"Oh sounds like a good day" she said with a grin "How did it go anyway, her exam?" She said as she was genuinely interested in Sylvia.
"She was brilliant, one second I thought she was going to fail it and the second after she pulled out the answer with so much coolness it looked like she wasn't aware she was just doing a fucking exam" I told her.
"She's a smart one Sarah, maybe more than we know" she said and I nodded because I already knew it from the very first time we met "now go get ready lady, I hate to be late" I rolled my eyes when she slapped my butt as I left the room to go to the bathroom.
My mind couldn't get rid of the thought of what was written in that envelope Sylvia had given me. I pondered my decision a little more while I was in the bathroom but the thought was driving me insane... When I got out to have my make up and hair done I poured myself another glass of wine, sat down so that my crew could work comfortably and put that envelope on my lap studying it.
Should I open it even though she said she would do this tomorrow?
My mind rushing in every direction couldn't find an answer, for every pro there was always a con, neither of them seemed to prevail. I left it on the floor waiting to make a proper decision and I just waited for them to finish my hair and make up so that I could get dressed.
Once they were done I was left alone in my room even though I could hear Amanda looking for me.
I suddenly decided to open it I couldn't wait anymore, I needed something telling me I wasn't going to lose her, I couldn't lose her.
I opened the envelope carefully trying not to break it or ruin it so that I could close it again after.
The moment I had those papers in my hands I wasn't so sure I wanted to read it anymore but I couldn't go back at that point so I forced my hands not to shake and just be still, I unwrapped it and started reading. I skipped more than a few lines of numbers and values I didn't have a clue about and went on reading.
But then it came, the punch right in my face 'the treatment showed no significant improvements' I didn't need to read anything else and took a long sip of wine from the bottle trying to keep me from crying, I didn't want them to have to redo the whole thing. I blinked rapidly to avoid tears falling when Amanda broke into the room "bird are you... oh god.." she stopped for a second on the door then, and it was one of the reasons why she was my best friend, she rushed and hugged me the tightest she could. She didn't even ask what was going on, she just stood there hugging me and stroking my back, as she heard I was struggling so much to fight back tears and my body was shaking for the sobs I couldn't hold back.
"Babe calm down ok..." she said tightening the grip around my shoulders and somehow this helped me to stop the sobs. As I recover from that little panic attack I let my body fall back on the bed and she laid next to me when she noticed the envelope on the floor and its content on the bed next to me. She silently asked me if she could read it and I nodded. I needed comfort now and she was the only one I trusted enough to see me like that.
"Sarah..." that was bad sign. She only used my name when she was disappointed.
"First of all, bird, why the hell did you open it?" She asked and she was right, I definitely shouldn't have done this.
"I don't know, I was so scared I couldn't deal with the thought the truth was in my fucking bag and I couldn't know it" I said and covered my face with my hands "oh my god I fucked up she's going to find out and she's going to leave me... she trusted me letting me keep it and I betrayed her..." I said panicking again.
"Ok listen to me, I'm going to fix the envelope for you so that she won't find out unless you choose to tell her ok? But you really need to get dressed Sarah or Sylvia will worry, we should have already been at her picking her up" she said and I suddenly remembered we were supposed to pick her up.
"Shit" I said standing up and trying to fix my face from the few tears that had escaped my eyes and Amanda left the room. I closed the door and got dressed for the night as fast as I could and in the blink of an eye we were already in the car making our way at Sylvia's.