SCARS IN US

15. Forever

Parking the car I ran inside while the the water was dripping down along the path from the papers I had in my hands.

The lights were off, no one was home yet. It was already night but the rain was not stopping at all. Everything felt cold and monotonous in life as I straddled towards my room. I climbed up the stairs and slammed open the door.

Throwing the heels and overcoat on floor I dropped down on the floor beside the bed. Buring my head in my crossed arms I didn't considered if the mattress would get wet or not. Letting the papers off the clutch I stared at the papers.

My windows were open and I could see the lightening bolts to sprawl in the maze of dark clouds. It was hazardous but not more than the pain I was going through. The curtains flew from the air while wind came across the room hitting my face with the light droplets bringing me back to reality.

My arms dropped down as I leaned against the edge of the bed. I stared out of the window, nowhere at specific, thinking why everything for me changed so much since the last week.

Losing my father, Yoongi taking the burden of everything then being at the verge of getting thrown away from his life. That he, didn't even told me about it or even discussed but eventually decided everything on his own.

Was I really a scar for him? Was I a scar for everyone? I was surely a burden to anyone who tried to help me up. They try to help me, be encouraged but somehow I consume their loveliness and turn it into nothing more than gloominess. I treasure my family but I also don't feel comfortable for showing myself in the family gatherings.

Being an ugly piece I always used to look at my family from far away. Whenever they were asked to get photographed I used to hide myself. I was afraid of showing how an imperfect me was living in a perfect family. Though my parents and Yoongi used to scold me for not showing up but I was aware of how those adults used to whisper around about my face. I didn't wanted to be a shade of shame for my family.

Nor I wanted to become now.

If the news get out in the media then it would not take time to spread among the herd. I couldn't let that happen because around this time, Yoongi's business aspects had just a taken off. I can't let my ruined marriage mess up with his. I could not let my eomma get the blame of not raise her daughter right.

No matter what, this society would always blame a daughter instead of son, and that is the cruel reality that even if want to erase it we can't.

MATURE CONTENT

I pressed my lips together and stood up with jelly legs. Somehow I managed to stumble towards the drawer and opened it. A shining metal blazed my eyes when I took it out in my palm. I gulped the lump of saliva and held the blade against my wrist.

I wanted to end the mess and the root reason was me. If I ended myself then no one would had to suffer. It was all because of me, so why not end me to end the chapter of suffering in everyone's life?

Jungkook and Yubin hated me. Taehyung and Yoongi's life would get distorted because of me and how could I forget the humiliation eomma was facing because of having an ugly daughter.

I wasn't that weak to give up but I couldn't breathe in this toxicity where everyone had me as a hurdle. I was brave but I think someone needs gut to end themselves to save their loved one and I wanted to do it, willingly. If my end was a happy start for someone then I wanted to be the reason of their happiness, even though I had never been the reason of their smile in my lifespan.

I closed my eyes and with one single strike cut the vessels in one single go. The blade got dropped on the floor as I weakly smiled feeling my blood falling on the solid surface.

Suddenly the door got swung open and Taehyung entered in the room. His eyes were closed in fury while his hands rested on his waist. He said, "Y/N, why aren't you picking your phone? All of us were so worried for yo-" When he opened his eyes his breath hitched. His eyes widened as he looked at my numb body laying on the floor with blood oozing out.

He immediately rushed to me and took me in his lap. He shook my jaw and hit my face to keep me in conscious. "What the hell you did to yourself? Are you fucking out of your mind?"

I chuckled. " I-I am doing right, I d-deserve this." He angrily shook his head whereas his eyes gotten bloody red. He was definitely furious from the decision but I never thought he would invade here at last moment.

"THE FUCK YOU DON'T DESERVE IT!!!! Are you really out of your mind? Everyone is looking for you because they love you but here you are giving up on life like a coward." He lifted me in his arms and said," We are going to hospital." I tried to wiggle out if his grip but he held me more close. He yelled," FUCKING STOP MOVING, MIN Y/N!!"

This was the first time I was him pouring his anger on me. I looked dangerous with those dark orbs piercing at me. My wrist was stinging with blood getting applied on his white shirt.

When he placed me in the backseat of his car I was already losing my consciousness. Taehyung put on the seatbelt and started driving.

"Y/N! Wake up, you can't shut your eyes. Please, for me, for your brother, try to live. Your eomma loves you, don't give up, please!!!" I blinked my eyelashes as I couldn't believe I got a best friend like him in my life. He was an angel of mine.

My body slowly felt light weighted as I started leaning on the seat for support. I tried to open my eyes but eventually gave up. The last sight I had was of the rain falling in the road and Taehyung accelerating to maximum speed so we could reach the destination as soon as possible.

A big light was flashed on my eyes as I felt a grip on my injured hand. I blinked my eyes, turning to my right where I saw Yoongi sobbing his tears. I got the déjà vu of the day I got admitted for the first time after that incident.

Just like that day I was here because of Yubin while my brother was here beside me. I gulped knowing he was crying for me.

"Y-Yoongi...." I called out his name and he tensed up. He jerked his chin up and without a warning he wrapped me in his arms. He snuggled me in his embrace, keeping his chin above my head.

"How could you try to leave me alone? I.. I couldn't believe myself that you tried to suicide. If Taehyung didn't told me about this then eomma would have lost her senses too."

"Where is eomma? Does she know about this?"

He shook his head and detached himself. He said," I didn't told her about you. Right now Taehyung is taking her care. She thinks that we both are in a meeting which would held in Jeju."

I knitted my eyebrows and asked," Why? We can go tomorrow." His eyes turned dark when he said," You need time to heal while I have to go and draft divorce papers for you. You will divorce Jungkook just like how he wanted."

"How did you knew about it? He isn't trying to divorce me, he just....he ju-"

He crossed his arms and pointed his finger at me. "Don't try to fool me. I saw the papers laying on the bed. Thankfully I threw those soaked papers out of the house before anyone saw it. He doesn't deserve you but still you want to protect him? Aren't you even guilty to defend him? Are your screws loose?"

I pressed my lips together unable to reply him. After watching me sulk his gaze softened. He held my other palm and stared into my orbs when he said," Do you remember the words I told you before?"

"I swear if he had done any inhumane thing with you then regardless of how dear friend he was of mine but I won't think twice to crush him. Mark my words."

His voice echoed in my head as I recalled his fierce face from that day. I nodded before he clenched his jaw.

He said," I am begging you for the first time, Y/N....Divorce him. I'll take care of everything. I swear you deserve a better life than this. I know appa married you to Jeons but I can provide my baby sister an improved life. I can't watch you suffering. Whenever I see you two I can see that something is wrong and today when I read that divorce papers my doubt got confirmed that he doesn't love you enough."

A lone tear fell on my cheek as I listened to him. I was hurt by the truth. He left my hand and walked towards the door. Before going out he tilted his head and said," Rest as much as you want because a day after tomorrow you will fly off to Jeju... Leaving Seoul for forever."