Fated to be yours

Chapter 39

Gulf stares at the man in front of him sleeping so peacefully. He had woken up to his gorgeous face. Mew must have moved in the night because they were closer to each other than they were last night. So close, he could count his eyelashes. But for the first time, he doesn't move away. He isn't afraid. When his breath had hitched at their closeness he hadn't made excuses. He isn't going to be afraid anymore. He is going to stay as he had told Mew the previous night.

All this time in their marriage, he had thought it's all for just a year. He was so sure Mew would divorce him one day. Because why not? Who would want to stay in a forced marriage? After all, in the earlier days when Mew used to come home drunk, he had told him once that he had met a divorce lawyer and he would throw him out once this forced alliance completes a year.

He won't lie, it had hurt to hear that. But even if it had hurt, at the same time he had been relieved at the knowledge. It's good, he had thought. He had nothing to offer the man in this marriage anyway. There would be no future for them because of his past. Mew deserves someone better, someone, who would, who could love him.

It was easy to hide behind his fears rather than face them. And what was the use of facing them when Mew didn't want him anyway? Nonetheless, Mew deserved better. So he had locked away his heart and let his mind take over the matters to stay away and not get attached to this amazing man. A broken heart was of no good anyway, he had thought.

So what was he to do when the man who he thought was going to divorce him called him his Sunflower? Who had kissed him so softly as he was so precious to him? How could he believe it wasn't just a cruel joke or a dream? He had done the only thing he could think of then, run away. P'Mild's solution had indeed seemed easier then.

But then the man who he had believed was going to throw him away one day had begged him to not leave him. Told him he was falling for him. He was scared to hear that, so scared. Because the words he hadn't even dared to dream were being said to him. How was he supposed to react to that? It was hard to believe. But then one look at Mew's face and there was no reason not to believe him. He wouldn't be so cruel to lie to him about that, right?

And that's what had hurt the most though. Even after knowing about his damaged and broken self, Mew wanted him. He said he wanted him.

But how could he stay when he had nothing to give to the man in return. And that's why he had distanced himself. But he should have known Mew is stubborn. Calling him tua-eng, sneakily trying to see him from far at lunch when he was with Mae, every morning and evening knocking on his door to announce his departure and arrival even when he knew he won't get answers.

In the end, the man's affection has won over his fears. And he has decided to fight his fears now. If Mew would still want him after knowing everything then he isn't going anywhere. He is ready to fight his demons. Last night, that's what he wanted to say in his note which is still kept on his study table.

He shivers thinking about last night's incident, "I could have lost him."

"Are you cold?"

Surprised, his eyes snap to the sleepy, dark ones before him. "Oh, when did you wake up?"

He would like to believe Mew is really fond of his hair because, like many other times before, the man reaches with his fingers to caress his hair and smiles, "a while ago, but you looked deep in thought so I settled on staring at your gorgeous face instead of disturbing you."

Gulf can feel cheeks burn instantly. This man! "Were you always a flirt?" he huffs, flustered.

"I was just stating the truth!" Mew grins.

"Damnation! Not just his morning face but even his morning voice is sexy!"

"Really? You find me sexy?"