A SEER'S SOLACE , KAZ BREKKER

lix. the gods of fate

lix. the gods of fate
– Randvi

          ALL THE DAYS seemed to merge into one after Kuwait's auction and the plague panic. It felt less like three weeks and more like one very long day. Still, in spite of the loosening grip the plague had over Ketterdam, Kaz had managed to expand the Dregs control across the city.

Randvi had chosen to split her time between wandering the city sightseeing with Jakov, hanging with Wylan, Jesper and Inej at the Van Eck residence, and acting as Kaz's second. Although as the weeks progressed, she began spending less and less time at the Slat and sitting with Kaz on business. It wasn't that she made an awful second, but it turned out Randvi had little care and talent when it came to numbers and running businesses.

"You'll have to find a new Second, Kaz. I won't be here forever," she'd told him one evening in the roof room of the Slat that had once been his old office, now just a place he came to rest.

"I'll worry about that when the day comes." he replied.

"Will you miss me when I'm off tending to golden wheat fields and sunbathing?" she teased, resting on the window sill to look out at the view.

Her leg swung, the sun rested on her face, but no answer came from Kaz. It was only when she turned to look from him he answered, suddenly busying himself with a discarded stack of papers.

"You make everything more interesting and unpredictable," replied Kaz honestly. "Business will be easier without you though."

"I think that's the kindest thing you've ever said to me." she laughed.

A silence washed over them once more, the sounds of birds chirping overhead, the dust dancing in the warm sunlight. It was moments like these that reminded Randvi why she had stayed in Ketterdam for so long. Despite the city's cruelness, it somehow felt like home.

"Jakov will be joining you in Noyvi Zem I'm guessing?" Randvi expected Kaz's words to be bitter, but they weren't. "He has a lot of love for you."

"Of course, but not in the way you may think." she was quick to add.

Perhaps Randvi did not understand what it felt to love, but what her and Jakov shared was something much greater. The day she'd kissed him in the cathedral tugged at her mind. She had thought he was dead, that she'd once again lost him, but to her surprise the gods favoured him more than any other. The kiss of life, Jakov had joked. But not of love.

Randvi was just grateful he was alive.

"He is a part of my soul, my balance, and the gods have pushed us on the same path for a reason." She admitted, though she new in her heart the love between them was something different. "But I'll never love him as I have loved you."

Kaz watched her silently, eyes fierce. Speak, she begged him, but no matter what he would say they both knew it would never be enough.

Love alone isn't enough.

They both had their ghosts, both their own dreams and wishes for the future. There could be no compromise, not this time. After everything they had been through, they deserved to live the life they dreamed off. That was what the gods had wished. It was what Matthias had wished.

Kaz remained silent, and Randvi pushed the hope building inside her back down. It seemed as though everything between them was built on unspoken feelings. Perhaps that was the way it would always be. And so she'd left him alone in silence, marched her way meet Jakov besides a Fjerdan shop that sold whole walnut cakes.

The rest of the days dragged on the same. She would eat cake besides the harbour with either Inej or Jakov, tell stories about witches and monsters, think back on all the impossible escapes. Then she would join Wylan and Jesper for dinner, drink so much expensive wine she could no longer think, and wake up in a beautifully decorated room with a headache.

Other days she would visit the Black Veil.

Nothing had changed since they'd used it as a safe place. The blankets Nina had laid on remained, the table they'd used to house sketches and plans stood in fact. A series of holes covered the stone walls of the tomb from when they'd been ambushed. Randvi could make out the faint trail of blood from where she'd been shot and dragged by the Dime Lions.

Then, when Ketterdam settled in for the night as the sky turned dark, Randvi would return to the small room she had once called home. The landlady that had watched over her was no longer in this world, supposedly killed by Pekka who had sought information on her. She would lay on her bed, stare out at the twinkling stars, and think of Matthias and Eivor.

What were they doing now? Eivor was probably telling jokes, drinking too much for his own good and fighting with the friends he'd lost. Matthias would be watching over Nina, watching over the boys that had been pushed into the drüskelle under false ideas. Randvi only hoped he watched over her too.

And then the time to leave had finally arrived.

Ketterdam had finally begun to open again. Vendors stood in the streets selling trinkets and hot chocolate, tourists had begun to return, magicians made coins disappear whilst small children robbed coins from the onlookers pockets.

Randvi had begun to make the final preparations for leaving. She and Jakov had spent hours wondering where in Noyvi Zem to settle. They decided not to travel to the frontier where prices were lower because of the endless fighting and shootouts. Eventually, they settled on staying by the coast, where Jakov could still use his powers on the water and Randvi enjoy the sun.

That evening, as the sun began to set, she and Jakov hauled some boxes towards the port with the help of Jesper. They secured their tickets on a boat bound West.

Randvi passed the last box to Jakov, and as she made to follow him, heard the familiar sound of a cane hitting the ground and uneven footsteps. She took one glance over her shoulder to see Kaz standing there, a series of harsh lines and tailored edges.

"Come to say goodbye?"

"I've come to say all the things I never said."