Love Song

June

Everything was coming so fast, but Ezielle knew I was hurting. I've been ignoring Harry every since last week, and this was our last week of school.

I'm surprised he didn't get suspended, but Jesse sure did.

Harry had been trying to contact me, and send me gifts through Ezzy. Since the last time he tried to send me a gift personally, I ended up throwing it in his face.

I just didn't know if I could trust Harry after that fight, and I didn't know if he would keep his word when I told him to not do something for a good reason, but just going on to fight Jesse isn't what I expected from Harry. No one expects that from sweet gentleman Harry.

I did miss having Harry around dearly, but I just really needed some time to think this through so Ezzy had been keeping my phone with her after school to keep me from being tempted to answer my phone when Harry tried to contact.

"When are you going to keep going on with this, Selena?" Ezzy asked, as I pulled out my Geometry textbook, and shut my locker closed.

"I just can't believe that he would do that, and I want to be more than friends with him, but if he can't control himself, I don't want to be around him," I told her, as I closed my lock, and turned to look at her in her ocean blue eyes.

"It's almost graduation, Selena...and if you've forgotten, it's this week, Thursday, which is tomorrow," she said, trying to be reasonable, but her eyes were telling me that what I was doing was ridiculous. Though, when my dad left my mom, I wasn't so comfortable with trusting boys, and I thought I was able to trust Harry, but now I'm scared to even take the risk again with him.

"Let's just talk about this later, okay?" I asked her, and she nodded, looking down toward the floor.

"You still have to get over this, because I know what you're thinking," Ezzy said, as she started to walk off backward without hitting anybody.

She waved me a goodbye, and I let out a breath, as I turned around walking to my Geometry class. I was sure I would be late since I was walking like some miserable slug. Not even a slug. A miserable slug. I just didn't feel right without Harry, and I didn't know if that was a good thing or bad thing if Harry had already broken that little bit of trust I still had.

Others may find it crazy that I would keep this grudge, but I didn't want to end up like my mother, and I don't want to be with Harry if I couldn't even trust him.

I was almost to my class, until Harry ran up to me quickly, then stopped me before I got any closer to my Geometry class.

"Come on, Harry. I'm gonna be late," I complained, really not wanting to look into his green gorgeous eyes or I would give in too easily.

"Look, Selena," he swept his curls to the side and out of his sight as a melody came to my ears at him saying my name in that deep British voice of his. A small bandage taped to the bridge of his nose from the hit he got from Jesse.

Green eyes sparkled up, but greyish as if they were missing something, and my hands shook at his presence.

"I didn't know I was really going to hurt you like this, and," he paused, as I really tried to pass or cross him to get into my class, but he kept blocking me off.

"And, Selena, just please, listen, I didn't mean to hurt you," Harry got closer into my face, trying to make sure I was really hearing him out as his green eyes widened. I knew he didn't mean to, and the light came back to his eyes as he looked into mine, but I just didn't know what to say.

"Please, Sel. I didn't want you away from me," he said, and placed his hand on my arm, sending a tingle through my arm, making my heart pound quickly.

"I want you with me, and you know that," Harry was telling the truth, but I really couldn't date anyone right now. I had to overcome this fear of ending up like my mother before I could become any closer to Harry, because then I'd be leading him on.

"Love, you're hearing me right?" he asked, as if I had gone deaf for a second, because it did seem like I had went frozen, but I was only in thought.

"Yes," I answered, but I walked away from him, not explaining my thoughts.

"I need to get to class," I told him, as he just stood there in unbelief of my reaction to his words. He probably thought that he had lost me, but I only needed a break.

~

I walked into my driveway, gripping my phone Ezzy had gave me awhile ago in my hand. There were 135 text messages exactly from Harry, and I deleted the conversation in my messages, before I had time to think about replying back to him.

I've had an emotional pain, and it was starting to become physical, because I missed hanging out with Harry. We could've done so many things by now, but I just wish he didn't interact with Jesse at all that last Wednesday.

I unlocked my door, and saw my mother reading a magazine as the television burned electricity. I stepped into the house, feeling the air condition on full blast, but it wasn't as hot outside as the weather man said it would.

"Mom, it's so cold in here," I complained as I closed the door behind me.

"Hello, Mom, how are you? I'm fine, thank you, how was your day?" my mother got up from the seat in the den and started to walk towards me, taking off her reading glasses.

"I'm sorry, hi, Mom," I said, as she looked down at the magazine in her hand, rolling it up in one.

"It's just that it feels like a freezer in here," I said, and then a thought passed through my mind.

"Is it menopause already?" I asked, knowing my mom wasn't that quite old yet, and she laughed out with that beautiful smile of hers.

"No, honey, but I'll turn down the A/C, and you go get settled in," my mother's brown eyes lit up with love for her daughter, and she rubbed the side of my arm, sending me away to my room.

I climbed up the stairs and felt the pain of not having Harry around grow into me again, but it was worse. I inched closer to my room, as I was wondering if I should text him, but then I stopped myself from even thinking about it at all.

I entered my room, feeling a sense of loneliness to it.

I dropped my things down carefully as I didn't seem to know what to do with myself and I walked toward my bed, sitting down slowly.

His curls were in my mind, and green eyes were trapped only in my vision, because they were so captivating. His touch was still marked on my skin, and I could still taste his lips on mine. Though, his name was forever on the end of my tongue, because that's who I felt I was mean't to be with. I was only mean't to say Harry's name.

I was shaking and shivering everywhere.

A bunch of stabs penetrated through my body, and I didn't realize I missed him so much that I didn't even feel the tears that were already down to my chin, then dripped to stain my blue jeans.

The pain became apart of my full body, and I curled myself up into a ball, as I wished Harry was here to wrap his arms around me.

I think it's time to forget about what my mother went through.

I think it's time to focus on the present and the future of only me.