Wild Baleigh love 2️⃣☑️

50. To forget ever meeting him.

Tleigh's pov

Funny how life takes a 360 degrees of transformation within a span of one year or so.
I can't believe I'm the girl who wanted to just focus on her studies, go to a good college and find a good paying job then contemplate about dating...

Life is full of surprises I guess then. Now I'm a girl who fell head over heels for a boy in her senior year of high school. Surely, it was inevitable. I mean have you seen him? He's a walking god. And damn me if I still found him so after so many heartaches.

I'd broken my virginity at 17 after I'd sworn to never let a man in my life until I'm done with college. How could I be so naive? Who does that?  I was so stupid thinking that I could make my dad proud some day.

That's the reason I feel miserable right now. I've cried myself to sleep for more times than I can count ever since I got discharged from that hospital a week later after I'd woken up. I'm a mess. The first two weeks I used a wheelchair since I couldn't walk that well, after a couple of therapies and help from my personal nurse, I started walking.

It wasn't that much of a hassle really. The doctors said I was so lucky that I didn't get a permanent effect and it was kind of a miracle I regained my memory so quickly. I was even okay the moment I woke up from a comma, many patients experience a lot worse things after waking up from a comma and am so glad I didn't.

How could I be the girl from one year ago before graduation? I can't believe I fell in love, got consumed in love, passion and everything Ballice had to offer in our December holiday last year, got threatened which led to me leaving him for Brooklyn. My heart bled for him for more ways than I can afford to count. Fate pulled strings four or three months later, we crossed paths leading to the most painful escapades in my life. We fooled, I got pregnant and I didn't know it until I was three months. How I lost my baby and what I had seen before that moment, I don't like to think about it. And I don't think I'll ever heal from that day and everything else that conspired before I was sucked into oblivion.

I had gone through so much for an eighteen year old girl. I think I grew up so quickly and not having my mum around during the most difficulty times of my life to guide me, might have added to everything I'm going through right now.

I've been grieving for the hopes and dreams I had started to have for my child, the potential that will never be realized, and the experiences I will never share. I feel that I have lost my identity as a parent even though I was young. I know the pain of these losses will always be a part of me and I want to find meaning in life once again.

I always feel confusion, disbelief, and denial, even if having a baby at 18 was scary. I have this overwhelming sadness and despair, such that facing daily tasks or even getting out of bed  seems impossible. Tiffany and Camille have tried so hard to relive me but I don't know if I'll ever be okay. I feel this extreme guilt and a feeling that I failed my baby as their protector as I had promised. I could have done something differently....

I have this intense anger and feelings of bitterness towards Ballice for leaving me in that hospital the day I had just woken up from my comma and never showing up. It's as if it was a relief to him and he just wanted to see me alive since maybe he blamed himself for what happened to me and he owed me somehowly. Now that I was alive, he was relieved and life goes on. I know he went back to his Chesca and damn me if I didn't push him too far. I can't blame him, I had broken his heart first and he had to move on. I just didn't expect he'll go for Chesca my nemesis and I didn't know it'll hurt this much. I thought he loved me just as much as I loved him...

I'm bitter at the unfairness, at a life left unfulfilled. I know for sure he was glad I lost that baby since he had made it clear before that he didn't want a baby at this age, just the thought of it was revolting to him.