Beckoned Through The Dark

05 // Lesego // Bitter Sweet

"Are you okay?" Clay asked, following me back to the table where Zack and I were seated a few seconds ago. The thought of him made me want to cry all over again. "I'll be fine." I whispered as I picked up my bags.

Clay didn't say anything, but silently followed me out of the cafeteria. As I left, I couldn't help but notice the looks people were giving me. Some looked at me with all the hatred they could convey through their eyes, while others gave me a pitiful look. I don't know why, but I just seem to always attract attention to myself.

There was no one in this school who didn't know who Lesego Medupe was. My mother made sure that I was the centre of attention from the first day I set my foot in this school, and then Claudia made things worse by posting pictures of me with Clay and Sihle in different occasions. She had posted the picture on the school website, and on their Facebook page and group. She made everyone believe that I was a liar and a cheat. This led to people leaving notes in my locker.

However, the drama lasted for about a day or two, and before I knew it, the pictures were taken off from the internet, and Claudia didn't bring up the issue again. Up until this day, I still don't know what happened to those pictures, or who had taken them down.

Clay took my bags, and like I would normally do, I didn't argue. He seemed to notice this and furrowed his eyebrows before a smile marred his face. I felt a tug at my heart, and I frowned at him. No matter how many times I gave him the cold shoulder, he still stuck around, and as if that was not enough, he was flashing me his million-dollar smile.

I just stood there and stared at him, and he studied my face. His smile was replaced by a worried look, "are you okay?" He asked, I just looked away and shrugged. Honestly, I wasn't well. This wasn't how I had planned to start my week, but my day has been like this since I left home this morning. "Come with me." Clay said as he dragged me away, not giving me a chance to question him or protest.

Five minutes later, we were at the parking lot, standing in front of his car. "Where the hell are you taking me? I still have classes to attend, you know." I argued. "Lesego Medupe, get in the freaking car before I shove you in myself." He threatened, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

"Shut up, you idiot! My name is Lesego, not Lesego!" I said, annoyed, but he just laughed, clearly unaffected by my mood swings. "You will thank me later." He said, and opened the passenger door, waiting for me to climb in. When he didn't seem to give up, I sighed and dragged myself to his car, warning him before I got in, "this better be good, Evans." He just sighed and closed my door and got into the driver's seat.

During the ride, I was lost in my thoughts that I barely noticed where we were going. I just leaned against my seat, and watched Clay as he drove, and I studied his features.

He was light skinned; with a tan you'd swear that he lived in Brazil. He had long hair, an afro, dark and trimmed, all the girls, including myself, were jealous of him. He had full bushy eyebrows, and long lashes, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous, I still don't understand why most boys have long and thick eyebrows compared to girls. We, girls, must draw our eyebrows with eyebrow pencil, while they don't even try, yet they look so perfect.

He had a tiny nose, thin pink lips, and dark brown eyes. My eyes shifted to his ears; he was wearing small diamond-like earrings. "You still have those?" I asked more to myself, but he'd heard me. He just gave me a quick glance before he averted his gaze back the road ahead and smiled.

I had bought those earrings from a China shop near my high school when I was in grade 11, and this idiot had stolen them from me, and pretended like he didn't know anything. After a week of searching and crying over the five rand I spent on that pair, I finally gave up. About a month later, after I had long forgotten, he came to school wearing them, I was so furious, I could use anything to hit him, but I didn't. I could have taken them back, but I didn't. They just looked so good on him, they brought out his beauty.

So, I just let him have them. Mind you, boys were not allowed to wear earrings in our school, but he still wore them, until one day one of the teachers confiscated them. I thought he never got them back, but I guess he did, and even after almost eight years, he was still wearing them. I sighed and let my eyes drift to his Adam's apple, and I watched it bop up and down until I drifted off to Lalaland.

I am awakened by someone shaking me. I slowly opened my eyes to be met by beautiful brown eyes. He was just so close. Too close. I just stared at him; the proximity responsible for my now hammering heart. His eyes kept shifting between my eyes and my lips. What was I doing? "Where are we?" I jolted up and looked outside the window. I heard Clay clearing his throat before he stepped out of the car.

This place looked quite familiar, but I couldn't put my fingers on it. My mom had brought me here a couple of times before, and used to park near the shop where we were currently parked, and then she would make me reminisce the rules three times before she would let me go. Clay used to wait for me outside the shop, and then we would walk together to school, which was five minutes away.

Yes! That was it. We were near my old school. I opened the door and hopped off the car, slowly taking in my surroundings. "Wow!" I breathed, suddenly feeling light, so much better. I looked at Clay, and for the first time ever, I smiled at him. "You brought me to our old school." I pointed out, to which he raised his eyebrows, obviously amused. "Why?" I laughed, his face suddenly changed, and I quickly added, "not that it's a bad thing or anything, I'm not complaining." I put up my hands in surrender. "It's just that..." I groaned, placing my hand over my head.

"It's okay, come with me." Clay held out his hand to me. I stared at it, debating on whether to take it or not. After what felt like hours of chewing on my lips, I finally took his hand, and quickly withdrew it upon contact. The look on Clay's face probably reflected my own. His eyes were wide in shock at the little sparkle that rose during the contact. Wetting my lips, still recovering from the shock, I broke the awkward silence, "lead the way." I gestured with my hand before I hugged myself.

Clay just nodded and walked ahead.

I don't know what has been happening to me lately. I seem to be confused about my feelings for Clay, and I happen to act on impulse when I'm around him.

In the past years, I'd managed to put some distance between us, and he respected that, but recently, he seemed to be more present than usual, and it is confusing!

Sometimes I tend to forget myself, or the fact that I have a boyfriend, and all I want to do is to be closer to Clay. I'm trying so hard to push him away, but it seems as though the harder I try, the closer he gets, and the more determined he is to stick around.

I heaved a sigh as we got to the park. I stole a quick glance at him, and he looked so relaxed compared to how tense he'd looked a few minutes ago.

The park was empty; we were literally the only people here. I walked towards the swings and occupied one of them. Clay followed and took the one next to me, and just like that, we sat in silence, each one of us absorbed in our own thought.

This park was older than the both of us, its history goes a long way, but so does our history. I remember how Clay and I used to ditch school and come here once after a while during our high school years. It was Clay's idea of cheering me up. I was once a victim of bullying, and I couldn't count on anyone for help, not even my mother. The children at my school used to tease me about my braces and pimples. I fought them with my witty remarks most of the time, but there were days when I wasn't emotionally strong, and I would take everything to heart, leading to a mental and emotional breakdown.

However, through all that, Clay never left my side, and it was on those days that he brought me to the park.

He would say soothing words to me; tell me that everything would be okay, and that I was beautiful. And that was all he needed to say for me to snap. I would snap at him, and then he would get angry and start saying the opposite of all those beautiful words he had said, and then I would break and cry all over again. He would apologize for what he said and say that he didn't mean it.

Then, he would bring me here, sit me on the swing and wait for me to calm down before he would start pushing, and seconds later, I would find myself giggling away. "This is one of the few places that hold some of the best memories of my life." I found myself saying. "Mine too." Clay whispered.

"Do you remember when we met the first time?" He asked. "Yeah." I said, swinging to and fro. "Your mother had dropped you off at the shop. My mom and I were in the shop buying some pencils after I'd told her that I lost the ones she bought for me. I remember how she slapped on the head that day. Mind you, I was in matric." He laughed and shook his head. "She used to say to me, ' no matter how old you are or think you are, I'll always be your mother, and you'll always be my baby..."

"...and I'll always have spanking rights over you." I finished off with a light chuckle, causing Clay to groan. His mother had caught me staring at them, since my mother usually waited for me to leave the shop before she drove off, curiosity got the best of her, and that's when she met her 'old friend. Then she introduced Clay to me like she had known him all his life.

"Lesego?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you snap at me when I tried to comfort you?" He asked, and I stopped swinging, thinking of an appropriate answer to that tricky question. "You don't know?" I asked, suddenly feeling my temper rising. "Know what?" He frowned.

I gave a bitter laugh, and silence fell thereafter. Clay got up from his swing and stood behind me, stopping the swing by the ropes. "May I?" He asked, and I nodded. He started to push me quietly and slowly, and before I knew it, he was pushing me high up in the sky, and I was screaming, laughing and kicking.

"Clay, sto...sto...stop!" I laughed. I screamed when he pushed me one last time before he caught the swing and stopped it. He was in stitches. I stood up and went to attack him. "You idiot!" I shouted, throwing punches to his rambling chest, his laughter resounding in the entire park. I don't know what happened from laughing, but I found myself kissing him.