Beckoned Through The Dark

10 // Lesego // White Walls Have Ears

Have you ever seen white?

Not the white you see on that blouse you like to wear to church every Sunday, or those clothes you are always wearing in all of your pictures on Instagram or Twitter or whatever those social media apps are.

A different kind of white.

Imagine if everything and everyone around were to disappear, and all you could see was white! No clear blue skies, clouds, brown soil, or green trees, but white. Blankness. That's all I could see right now. Maybe I was finally dead and free from the cruel world. Maybe I was in heaven, waiting for angels to open the gates for me; or I was still on my way to hell for being a bad daughter to my mother.

This place, wherever it was, was way too quiet that it froze my mind. After everything that has happened to me, silence was one of the non-living things I feared the most. Silence meant danger. Silence was strange, and it came with supernatural things. I never believed in ghosts, but how would you explain what happened if you had been me?

I wonder if perhaps I was going crazy. In fact, now more than ever, I wondered where I was; I official announce my fear and hatred for white and silence. Cold silence, white gown, and white hair.

"I knew the day you walked into my son's life, that you were nothing but trouble, and now he is in prison because of you." A distant voice said, but I didn't recognize it, though I could tell it was a woman's voice. "You are a curse, Lesego Medupe." She said bitterly. Am I supposed to have feelings in the land of the dead? Because at this moment I can imagine the sting in my heart.

Where was I? I wondered again. It's either I was dead or not. If I remember well, I saw that woman in my room, and then I had an asthma attack; but I failed to reach my spray in time. Maybe I was lucky enough to survive and land in a hospital; and if that's the case, then mother will have to forgive me for the hospital bill. Knowing her, I would never hear the end of it. "You ruin everything you touch; you destroy every person you associate with!" I could now hear clearly, I had never in my life heard such a venomous voice, so bitter, angry and hateful.

Silence fell again, and all I could hear were the stranger's shallow breaths, and the machines beeping on my left– life monitor. Yep, definitely a hospital! "I warned him, I told him that people like you; white, coloured, Indian, were not for people like us; blacks. But he wouldn't listen to me, he told me how he loved you and all; but for all the love he has given you, this is the thanks he gets?" She asked. "My son–" I was saved from another emotional torment by the nurse who said, "Ma'am, visiting hours are over."

"Sorry, Sister. I'm done here anyway, let me just give my daughter-in-law a goodbye kiss." The woman said in a fake tender tone. "Of course!" The nurse, whom I think I liked, said sarcastically. "Wake up, Lesego Medupe, don't cower away in that coma, Sihle does not belong in prison, you do!" The woman said bitterly, in what I assumed was a whisper.

"Okay, now that's enough, Ma'am!" The nurse said through her teeth, slowly grinding on her words. I heard the door open and close, and assumed that Sihle's mother was gone. It all made sense now, the venom in her voice, the hatred, and the racist comment; if anything, Sihle's mother was the third person after my mother and Claudia who hated me the most in this world, followed by the Dean's daughter, Jessica Clements.

What I didn't understand was what she meant when she said that Sihle did not belong in prison, but I did. One thing for sure, telling from her voice; Sihle was in prison, but for whatever reason, it had to do with me. What on earth did he do?

Just when I thought I could finally have a peace of mind, another visitor greeted me, and strangely; it sounded like the nurse who dismissed Sihle's mother earlier on. Her voice was so sweet and rough at the same time when she spoke, "my baby girl, my Lesego. You have no idea how good it is to be closer to you." She was speaking to me as if she knew me. Who was this woman and why did she sound so fond of me?

My only dream right now was to open my eyes. To get out of this blankness, to see light again, to see these people visiting me. The need to get Sihle out of prison and go back to school. Strangely, I was longing to go back to school, to see Clay again. School was the only place where I felt safe nowadays compared to my home. "Visiting hours are not yet over. I just wanted to get rid of the woman so that we could be alone." She sighed. I would have bonded with my hateful mother-in-law if you had not lied! I exclaimed to myself, just to ease my mind from the thoughts that were running through my head.

"None of your family members have bothered to visit you ever since you were admitted to this hospital, three weeks ago." She said, her voice a mixture of regret and jealousy.

The strangest thing about this woman was the way she said the word 'family', she dragged on the word as if she was trying to emphasize something about my family. But what did she mean when she said I have been in here for three weeks? Did that mean I had missed school for three weeks, and I missed my first exam?! This was bad if not worse! I didn't know asthma attacks could be so fatal, but now I did.

"My little Les, I came back for you and your sister. For now, I need you to wake up and I need you to be strong enough to uncover ALL THE SECRETS AROUND YOU." She said, sniffing; I think she was crying. My little Les? Secrets? My sister? What was it with this nurse, what was she on about? Those were the questions going g on inside my head, it was bad enough that I had missed an exam, but this...this was crazy!

"You know, I wanted to name you after your father, and your sister after me. But it turns out you were named after me, and your sister Skylar." What? I tried to open my eyes. I tried to get out of this unconsciousness, but I fail anyway. This woman was going to send me into twenty years comatose. I had no sister named Skylar, Dineo only had one name, and that was Dineo.

"I love you my baby. I love you so much. I promise you that I will get you out of this misery...I promise you that that woman will pay. Eleanor Edwards will pay for all of this. I will see you tomorrow. I hope the rest of your day turns out good. Bye for now." She said. What do you think she would do after a speech like that? I'd like to imagine that she would place a long kiss on my forehead or something; to conclude the sappy story.

I thought she was finally gone when it became quiet, but she spoke again, "Oh great, turns out you have more visitors. Even your so-called mother and siblings. Poor kids. Your stepfather is here as well." I couldn't help but take her sarcasm seriously. She sounded as though she had a great deal of issues with my family.  Maybe this whole ideal was a mistake, mistakes happen all the time; maybe she was mistaking me for someone else, or maybe she got lost and ended up in the wrong ward, and confused me for her daughter.

"One visitor at a time, please. I'm going to give each one of you at least fifteen minutes with my B– patient." The nurse said, from what I heard earlier, her name was Cecilia. I'm quite sure she was going to say 'my Les' but ignored getting herself into trouble. Honestly, I was relieved that my family was here to visit, it would give me some peace of mind.

"Can I please go first, nurse?" Although I was still unconscious, I could recognize her little angelic voice, it was Dineo. I was glad she was okay, hopefully, Duncan was fine too. "Call me Sister Lwandle or Nurse Lwandle please, and yes, you can go first okay?" A different voice, it was no longer Cecilia. Why did she leave? Was she scared of running into my mother?

"Hello Les. Can you hear me?" Of course, I can! Dineo sounded sad, like something bad had happened. What could be worse than my condition? "Well, I hope so, because I have a lot to say." Oh Brownie! "I'm sorry I wasn't there when this happened; I wish I could have end there to give you your spray. I also don't know what happened, I just woke up in my room the next day, and when I came to your room you were unconscious, and, and–" she quivered. "I was scared!" She cried. I wish I could open my eyes, to wake up and hold her and tell her that everything would be alright, but I couldn't. I myself wasn't sure if things would ever be the same after this.

"I read somewhere that the greatest gift you can ever give a person is your time, because when you dedicate your time, you are offering a part of your life that you will never get back." I try to open my eyes, but I fail once again. "Well, guess what? They are right. Whoever said it, is right." She cried, "I don't want to lose you, Lesego! We need you Les. Duncan and I need you." That statement just left me wondering what was wrong. Had something bad happened? Again, what could be worse than my incident?

"Mommy hasn't allowed us to go to school ever since you got admitted to hospital. We have missed school for three weeks already, and there isn't even a bit of change in your condition. You must wake up. PLEASE." She begged. My mom was just being paranoid, if this had anything to do with Dineo and Duncan, they would have said something, or at least experience one strange event; but nothing had happened to them, and I was grateful for it.

"Hey, your time is up, little one." Dineo sighed as the voice called, and I happened to know why; she didn't like the fact that her visiting time was over and being called 'little one'. If anyone called her 'little one', it had to be Duncan. Dineo sighed again and said,

"Whatever! Listen, Lesego, I hope you heard what I said to you. If you did, please think about it. I hope that you wake up soon. I will keep you in my silent prayers." She giggled, and I was glad to hear that sound; a sign that at least one of us hadn't lost hope.

"Hey big sis. I hope you get well very soon. I miss you, our fights, and your love and care for Dineo and I." Duncan said, and to my guess, Dineo had left, otherwise Duncan wouldn't be getting this emotional. I hated to say this, but I missed him as well. My relationship with Duncan was rocky, but in a good way, the brother and sister kind of way.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there when this happened, it's just that your bed was too small for the three of us; I mean, I couldn't even move a muscle." He sighed, and I could just imagine him running his hands down his face, a habit he had when frustrated. "It was a bit uncomfortable, especially with you tossing and turning, and talking in your sleep, so I took Dineo to her room and went to mine. I just thought I should give you some space to overcome your fears or something like that. I wish I could go back in time and–" he spoke but mother interrupted him.

"Duncan, you have got nothing to discuss with your sister, and besides, I doubt she even hears you. So, I think you should lend me some of your time." Mom said. I felt like I could feel my blood boiling, and my veins popping out. How could she do this to Duncan? "But mom-" Duncan tried to reason with her, but she snapped at him, "Don't! I'm your mother and you are a child. So, do as I say!" She said the word 'mother' in an exuberant manner. I tried to open my eyes, but like my other attempts, I fail. I would have loved to confront her and tell her to leave us all alone.  I was still mad at her from our previous fight.

"Sorry, mother." Duncan spat the word and left.

"Alone at last." Mom said, but her little happiness was short lived and ended immediately when a male voice rang throughout the room. "Not necessarily. I think I'm going to join the party." It was Mr Clements, my Dean and Jessica's father. What was he doing here?