Beckoned Through The Dark

27 // Lesego // Dark Hole

Abigail dragged Lwandle out of the room after her breakdown, and then she returned after an hour with a clean mattress, a clean set of clothes, and a bowl of warm food. She removed the chains that bound me and gave me the clothes to change into. Afterwards, she ordered me to sit on the mattress, and then she chained my left hand to the wall before giving me the food.

The last time I had proper food, was the night I was arrested; the food in prison was awful. I felt as if I had not eaten in years, that’s how hungry I was, and I didn’t even realise it until I tasted the burger and chips. I ate like nobody’s business; thank God Abigail was kind enough to give me some space.

Once I finished eating, I sat against the wall and waited for someone to come, even if that person was Barbara. The silence and the plain walls freaked me out. This room was at least four times bigger than my room; it had plain white walls with cracks and holes, and it only had one huge broken window, through which the cold autumn wind seeped in. the roofing had an old ceiling with a huge hole, which allowed me to see the old planks covered in mould.

The place smelled of dirty water, but it was bearable. It kind of reminded me of home, our area often had this odd smell in the mornings, and over time, we got used to it. My place was worse because there was a water drain behind my room; after my mother refused to buy cleaning substances, I had to live with it. Thinking of home reminded me of my siblings; mom had probably stopped them from going to school since my arrest. I missed them, I missed home; I missed my room and my bed. I missed my old life when I was invincible to the world.

Now I had to live with the knowledge that I was dead to the world. I didn’t know whether to be grateful that they got me out of that place, or not. What would become of me now? Would I have to move to another country, get a new identity? Or was this the calm before the storm? My life was full of mysteries and unresolved issues, and many broken relationships. I couldn’t even cry about them anymore.

I sighed loudly and lied down on the mattress, and after another hour passed without a single visitor; I fell asleep. I hadn’t had a peaceful sleep in a long time, my world was full of nightmares.

“Mom?” I called while walking into what looked like a basement. “Dineo? Duncan? Hello?” I kept walking into the dark basement. “Jack? Guys this is not funny, come out already!” I shouted, followed by an echo of my voice, which scared me to the freezing point. I kept walking down the basement, but the stairs didn't seem to come to an end. The light! I thought. There must be a switch somewhere on the wall. I waved my hand against the wall as I walked down the continuous stairs. I’d never been to this place before, but it felt familiar.  I stopped when I felt a switch against my hand, and then I turned on the light; and miraculously found myself at the end of the staircase.

Strange!

I stepped down from the last stair and looked behind me where the stairs seemed to have gone back to their original size, they looked shorter.

What is going on? Am I imagining things? Am I dreaming? How did I get here? Endless questions raced through my mind and I started to panic.

I turned around to look at my surroundings, but the sight that greeted me made my blood run cold. Right in the middle of the room, my entire family was tied up on the floor. “Mom? Dineo? Oh, my God! What happened to you guys, why are you here? Who tied you up?” I asked, but no one answered me. “This is not funny!” I threw my hands in the air before stepping up to untie them.

Each person was tied back to back with a partner. I first untied my mother and Jack, then Dineo and Duncan. Once I was done, the ground started shaking and we all started losing balance.

“Come, everyone, get out!” I yelled, motioning for them to move towards the stairs. I helped everyone out, but when I'm about to get out, I see Dineo still sitting in the basement, tied up against a pole. “But…I untied you.” I said, unsure. I walked down the stairs again, but when I got to where Dineo was, she was gone. “What?” I looked up the stairs, to find Dineo standing at the door. I sighed in relief and started to move back on the stairs when the ground started shaking again.

I ran up the stairs, but before I could reach the door; I looked back at the basement. It was now turning into a black hole that sucked everything in. I moved as fast as possible and suddenly stopped when I saw my entire family looking down and waving their hands at me. Suddenly, they turn around and leave, and when I was about to move out, the door closed itself and I was pulled into the black hole. “No!”

“LESEGO, LESEGO! WAKE UP.” I woke up to someone calling my name while at the same time, shaking me. “LESEGO?” I start throwing punches at them, but they restrict me. “STOP!” Everything went dead silent, and all I could hear were my breaths.

I could feel my dress against my skin; I was drenched with my own sweat. I could hear my own heart beating in my chest, and my body shook from fear. “Lesego.” I heard a familiar angelic voice call, but I refused to speak or open my eyes. I was scared that when I open them, everything would fade like it did in my dream. “Lesego, it’s okay. I’m here, you don’t have to be afraid; open your eyes, please.”

Silent tears rolled down my face. “You are going to disappear.” I whispered.

“I won’t disappear.”

“Everyone else did.”

“But I won’t, I promise. I’m right here.” She stroked my cheek, and I deeply inhaled and slowly calmed down. “There, there.” She soothed.

I sucked in a deep breath and opened my eyes, all the while staring at the ceiling. I could see her from peripheral vision; her skin was as bright as the light bulb, as if competing for brightness, her dark blue eyes complemented her skin like the sun against the blue skies, and her golden bangs shined brighter against the black of her dress. The worry lines on the sides of her eyes added wrinkles to her aging face. She looked like a shadow of herself; she looked much thinner and older; she was nothing compared to the cheerful lecturer I used to know.

“Everybody thinks you are dead.” I said.

She gave a sad smile and shrugged. “They are arranging your funeral as we speak.”

I sighed as I spotted my chained hand. I sat up straight and shifted for Mrs Martins since she was kneeling on the cement floor. She got up and sat on my left side, facing the door. She leaned against the wall and sighed. “I didn’t do it.” I said, referring to the accident at school.

She took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I know.” She said warmly.

We sat in silence for the longest time, the both of us reflecting on our own lives. I wondered if I missed something about my life in all the twenty-three years I’ve known myself. Growing up, it had always been just me and Mom until Jack came along, and then Duncan and Dineo followed. There was nothing strange about my life, except for all the endless rules I had to learn and memorise all my life, followed by my estranged relationship with my mother. Where did I go wrong? What did I miss?

I didn’t know what to think, but I was at ease knowing that at least this time, I won’t go through this all alone like I did in prison. “I am glad that you are alive, Ma’am.” I tried to smile at her but failed miserably.

“Me too, Miss Medupe.” She responded with a hug. I hugged her back and silently divulged this serene moment, I closed my eyes and leaned on her shoulder, but it wasn’t easy with the chain pulling at my left hand. We sat like that for a few seconds, and when I finally opened my eyes; I caught a sight of silver hair and a blue dress moving past the window.

The angel of death was here.