Beckoned Through The Dark

40 // Lesego // Identity Issues

"Clay, I don't...look, I'm grateful that Abigail saved my life. But I don't trust her," I said as soon as Clay walked back into the room.

Tommy left after Abigail and Clay, claiming that he had to go home; but I had the feeling that the three of them were hiding something from me.

I rubbed my arms as I recalled the strange feeling from earlier.

For a moment I could have sworn that the angel of death was here, and I don't know if it was perhaps my imagination, but it looked like Abigail felt it too...if the terrified look on her face was anything to go by.

"I know," he said and walked past me, and then he started packing up.

"What are you doing?"

"We are leaving." He went into the bathroom and came out with a few toiletries, towels, and gowns. "For all we know, she's been tracked or followed. And after what you told us about that woman, I think it's best if we leave."

And just like that, we were on the road.

"So, where are we going?" I asked once we were in the car.

"Somewhere secure, but close to home. Tommy's parents have a cottage somewhere in the woods."

I nodded. At least I would get the chance to see my family, even if it was from a distance.

"Clay?"

"Yes?" He gave me a quick glance and then averted his gaze to the road.

"What are we going to do? We can't let her take over."

He took my hand with his left and kissed it. "I know. And I know exactly where we can start."

A part of me felt relieved knowing he would be here with me throughout it all.

I don't think I would be able to live through it alone.

Clay held my hand all the way, only letting go once every bit to change the gears.

I loved this new bond between us, and I could only hope it lasted.

I had a feeling that this whole saga was going to be a bumpy road, one I hoped our relationship could stand through.

We finally found the cottage, which was about one and a half hour from home.

I couldn't help being so apprehensive about seeing my family again, especially after everything I heard about them.

I wondered if I would ever see my mother the same way again, would I still look at her like the mother I knew?

There was still a lot of questions around my identity, and I would be lying if I said it didn't cross my mind every single second.

I was Lesego Isabelle Lucia Medupe.

Even that name tasted sour in my mouth. Who was Medupe? Was my mother married to my father, or did she register me under her real surname?

My mother was of Coloured-Sotho heritage, but her Coloured genes were dominant, she looked almost white. Guess that's why most people thought I was white even though my skin screamed black. Not to mention that we grew up in a white and coloured dominant neighbourhood.

Mom spoke with us in Afrikaans most of the time, but Jack spoke to us in Sotho all the time. Mom hated that.

My siblings looked almost fully coloured, they both had this brownish curls and the most brownish-greenish eyes I've ever seen, even though they were not that light skinned – their skin looked like that of coffee with creamer compared to my bronze skin.

I mean, it made sense, after all, their mother was coloured, and their father was Sotho.

But my skin held a lot of history, and I'd never questioned my existence like I was right now.

I needed to see my mother so badly, I needed clarification. Who was I?

"Isabelle." I sighed, already knowing what was coming next. He only ever called me Isabelle when he was serious. "You can't go off to see your family just yet, we need a solid plan first," he said, but I continued staring out the window.

We were parked outside the cottage, but none of us made the effort to get out of the car.

"Do you understand?" He prompted. "Lesego?"

"Yes, I get it, yes! Yes, Clay!" I yelled before I jumped out of the car, slamming the door shut behind me.

I don't think Clay understood the pressure I was under right now.

He was not the one trying to figure out who he was, he had known who he is all his life.

I stood against the bonnet, with my back facing Clay.

He stepped out of the car and stood next to me. "I'm sorry."

I snickered and shook my head, bitterness eating at my heart. "Your apology is the last thing I need right now."

He nodded his head, seemingly understanding, and then he went ahead and opened the cabin before loading off our bags.

I stayed outside for some time before joining him inside, he was right about one thing, we needed a strategy. But I don't think I could stay away from my family for that long.

She needed to go, and I had so many ideas Clay was not going to be fond of.