fifteen: the first crack
I CALLED KENZO TO PICK ME UP AT THE CLUB THAT NIGHT. Bukod sa iniwan ako ni Jed doon dahil kay Aleia, wala pang maghahatid sa'kin pabalik. I understand that he was in a rush and was not able to think about me.
"Ano nangyari? Akala ko magkasama kayo ni Jed?"
That's what I thought too.
The whole event during our way back here to Manila was a blur to me. Ang matandaan ko lang ay tinawagan ko si Kenzo, he asked some things but I didn't respond at all, and he's already dropping me off at my apartment. I didn't even remember going to bed.
That moment, I wished I never wished to be more than friends with him.
I remember crying as soon as Kenzo dropped me off before I went inside my apartment. My heart felt so heavy at that moment. I probably cried myself to sleep, which explains my swollen eyes. May shoot kami ngayon outside ng studio, soon to be married couples ang clients namin at gusto magpa picture para sa gagamiting wedding photos nila.
Nag ayos na ako, nag simpleng t-shirt at jeans lang ako. Nagdala ako ng extra na damit at sapatos. Kinuha ko ang mga accessories ng camera ko dahil nasa sasakyan naman ang camera. Kumuha na din ako ng sunglasses para matakpan ang mata ko, hindi para panangga sa init mamaya sa dagat.
Lutang ako hanggang sa makarating sa Puerto Galera. Nandoon na ang team pati si Mel na kausap si Wendy. Nang makita nila ako ay sinalubong ako agad ng dalawa.
"Naks, good morning, Mari." Ngumiti ako kay Mel.
"Good morning din, nandito na ang clients?" Umiling silang dalawa bago kami naglakad papalapit kila Ethan.
"Baka daw ma-late sila kasi traffic, traffic ba on the way?" Tumango ako.
"Really bad traffic, akala ko nga ako ang late eh." I chuckled. Inayos ko na ang camera ko habang nasa tabi ko pa rin sila Mel at Wendy.
"Nakita ko post no'ng kaibigan mo sa IG, tapos na pala 'yung project mo sa Tagaytay? Grabe, ang ganda, miss ma'am architect!" Puri ni Mel.
"Ano ka ba, may mga kasama naman ako doon eh. Hindi lang ako 'yon." Mel tsked.
"Pero hindi ba ikaw ang nag design ng building? Oh, hindi naman lahat kaya 'yon. Napaka galing mo kaya, Mari." Ngumiti na lang ako. It's been hard for me to accept compliments even from my friends.
Dumating na din ang mga models namin kaya nagsimula kami sa shoot. Natagalan kami dahil sa init kaya puro kami breaks. Nang matapos ay naghiwa-hiwalay na kaming lahat.
Pagkauwi ko ay naligo muna ako. Napatingin ako sa mga bago kong sugat na hindi pa naghe-heal.
A thing about self-harm is it's like a drug, an addiction, and you just can't turn your back on it even if you wanted to. When you're used to it, you'll always come back. No matter how hard you're trying.
Especially if you don't have any other coping mechanism other than hurting yourself.
Pagkatapos kong maligo ay nag order na lang ako ng food habang naghahanap ng firms na pwede kong pag apply-an. I am currently unemployed with a photography sideline. At naisip ko din na habang wala pa akong trabaho bilang architect ay bibisita ako kila mama. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay nabastos ko sila noong huli dahil nandoon si dad.
I sighed, nothing in mind. Until a thought came in.
I have a great career, I have money, I have a roof over my head, I have a great mom and a great sister, I have good friends, I'm seeking help, I have Jed. So where did it all go wrong? Was it when my father started abusing me? Was it when my parents separated and I found out dad has a mistress? Was it when I was a kid and I have this anger inside me because of what my father did? Was it when I first drank? When did it begin? When did everything go down?
BINABASA MO ANG
Two Birds (Sky Series 4)
Romance[SKY SERIES 4] Mari was the most honest person in his eyes. But that will never be true. They tried to get around again after a long time of being friends, being subtle with their actions with each other as they restrain each other from being more t...
