eighteen: boyfriend?
I WOKE UP IN A WHITE ROOM WITH DIFFERENT MONITORS AND A LOT OF IVS IN ME. Dahan dahan akong bumangon, saktong may pumasok na nurse.
"Gising na si ma'am! Wait lang po, tawagin ko lang po ang guardian at doctor niyo." Naguguluhan pa rin ako sa mga nangyayari. Tinignan ko ang braso ko na may bandage. Mahina pa rin ang katawan ko at medyo nanlalabo pa ang mga mata ko.
Naalala ko na ang nangyari. I tried to commit suicide last night. Last night? Anong araw na ba ngayon?
Ilang minuto ay pumasok si Aiane kasama ang isang doctor na babae. Napalunok ako nang makita ko si Aiane. Paano niya nalaman? Bakit siya nandito? Nasaan ako?
"We almost lost you, miss Mansuori. But your friend rushed you here, at naisalba ka namin. We still have to run some tests before we can discharge you." Tumango ako sa doktor bago siya lumabas kasama ang nurse. Naiwan kami ni Aiane, I didn't know what to say.
"How are you feeling?"
She really is a doctor. She asked how I was feeling first rather than asking me why I did it after being clean for so long. Well, that's what she thought.
"I'm fine... Well, I'm under IVs and probably some drugs." I feel like I'm high right now. It's calm, the beeping of the monitors sounds like birds chirping in my head. The same feeling I felt that night before passing out.
"I don't know what's happening to you anymore..." Nabalik ako sa realidad nang marinig ulit ang boses ni Aiane. She sat down next to me and held my hand, which is filled with dextrose, may oximeter pang nakalagay sa daliri ko.
"We almost lost you, again..." Napakagat ako sa labi ko nang sabihin niya 'yon. Am I selfish for doing that? I feel like a bad person.
"I'm sorry..." I whispered. She just nodded before we went silent. It wasn't awkward, it was comforting. Silence is comfort for me.
"Asteria told me you've been hanging out with Jed... Are you two...?"
"No, same old thing. Life has its ways to say that a person isn't for you." I smiled, but it didn't cover the pain in my eyes and I know she saw them.
"We've warned you, right?" I nodded, they all did. College pa lang ay binalaan na nila ako kay Jed, hindi sila nagkulang sa pagpapaalala na Jed is not someone who'll change for a girl. He's bad news, and I've always knew that. Ako talaga ang problema, I pushed myself kahit alam ko naman na masasaktan lang ako.
Jed is Jed, no one can change who he is. He is a player, he is nothing but a player who likes toying girls' hearts. He has always been like that. And I'm the stupid one thinking he'll treat me differently.
"Alam nila?" Umiling siya.
"I know you don't want them to be worried so I didn't call them. You can tell them yourself, though." I nodded. She knows me, she likes observing people.
And that's probably why she knew so much.
"Anong oras na?" I asked. She took her phone out and showed me the time. Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita ang date.
"I've been out for a week?!" She nodded.
"It was a miracle you woke up, you were comatose for a week." I still can't wrap my head around what she just said. I'd been sleeping for a week when I thought that it was just a day.
I can't help but get disappointed. Every attempt. This happens every time. I'm so tired of waking up and just being disappointed.
"I want you to be honest with me, Imari. What happened to you?" Am I ready to be honest with her? She's my best friend, she only lies when she needs to. I sighed, had no other choice but to tell her everything that happened.
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