Girlfriend Finds Out Boyfriend Is Going To Be Killed By An Assassin And A Bitch By: Fall Out Boy

The One With Illiterate Dickwads

Calum's POV

What the hell was I doing here? Here I was at home minding my own business when BANG! I was on the side of the road in New Mexico.

I have no memories from when I was 'kidnapped', but there is a day missing from my memory.

And to make things worse, I had Marina. Gorgeous and sexy, sure, but I had my eye on that Redhead. Everest. It's like I saw nothing else but those brown eyes. She also didn't return my feelings which gave me a chase. I love a chase.

But I still had to deal with Marina.

And now I was on my was to Czechoslovokia, of all places. The little 'gang' of freaks and I were in a tiny airport in Texas. All of the people here looked like they had married their cousins and produced illiterate dickwads. Stupid Texas.

The only reason why I was still with the group was because of a certain redhead. I don't know, something about her fascinated me greatly.

"There's our flight." the scary pint-sized one said. I think her name is Moon or something.

"You guys ready?" the tall guy with weird eyes and a drawling english accent. Jasper?

Moon didn't really look that different. Everyone said she was a vampire now. Real-life vampires aren't like Buffy The Vampire Slayer or Twilight apparently. I guess her movements were slightly more gracefully, but it's not like I really care.

"Let's go." Marina said, obviously excited for Czechoslovakia. She had her long curly hair in a sophisticated bun that made her look 5 years older. A few rebellious curls stuck out, but Marina could pull off as an adult.

Let me explain. We made a plan that Marina was our teacher taking us on a field trip to study different bug life. That way no one gave a group of odd teenagers a second glance.

The group walked up to the entrance to the plane. A smiling hostess greeted us and told us where to sit. Apparently I'm sitting next to Jasper. Great.

Marina walked up the steps to the plane first. She was rambling on about the praying mantis, spiders, and cockroaches, probably the only bugs she knew of. I noticed her shuddering when she said the word spiders. She still has arachnephobia.

The rest of us followed Marina. I was last. I kept thinking about the possibility of the plane crashing on a deserted island where the only thing we have to live on is coconuts and Fed-Ex boxes.

I began hyperventilating. I didn't realized my fear of planes was that huge. I need to think about something else. Hmmm.

How could I not notice that we are like the characters in Breakfast Club. Everest is the redheaded bitch. Lunar is the lonely freak. I am like the jock. Caspar the friendly ghost is the guy who does drugs and commits felonies. Silky is the principle with a stick up his butt. Marina can be the nerd. Wow, I'm hilarious. Thank you, Calum. Your welcome, Calum.

I began sitting in the uncomfortable leather seat next to Sassper. I took another deep breath and let my mind travel again. Anywhere but the airplane.

We can also be like the cast of High School Musical. I'll be Zac Efron because he's hot and I'm hot. No homo. Everest is Vanessa Hudges because we belong together. Marina is Sharpae obviously. Star and Kasper will be Corbin Bleu and that black girl who is a nerd. Lacy can be that weird girl who plays piano. The End.

I guess I had begun to sing Fabulous because The David Bowie Wannabe was looking at me really weird.

"Are you okay, dude? You look a litttle green." He said, looking concerned.

"Fine. What was your name again?" I asked. Don't. Think. About. The. Floating. Tin. Can. You're. Going. To. Die. In. I really hate airplanes.

"Caspar." Caspar responded. I nodded slightly.

Lacy turned around when she heard the commotion. She smirked a little at my apparently green complextion.

"Awe. Is little Calumy-Boo awaid of the scawy planes?" Lacy asked, talking like a 2 year old.

"What? No! I was thinking about...Uh...your mom...in bed." Nice save, Calum.

"Uh-huh. Sure." Lacy said, stretching the 'u' out.

"Just shut up!" I said defensively. More thoughts Calum. More thoughts.

What is everyone had dicks? Then I wouldn't have to keep mine in my pants and it could have freedom. It would be like an extra arm that girls and boys had. Why don't girls have dicks? Isn't that a little sexist? Girls are people to! But, we don't I have boobs. Ugh, why am I not God, I'm really good at thinking of these things.

A/N

Okay Calum, calm down. This chapter was fun to write because Calum is such a douchebag. There are also a TON of references because I need a life.

ATTENTION! We are writing this as a series so there are more books to come.

The song of this chapter is Sex Yeah by: Marina and the Diamonds.

~Mrs. Clifford♥