A Light in the Shadows.

Is it Worth it?

I eventually said "I guess I should go." "Oh, alright..." Jelequi said, hugging me. I hugged back tightly. "Bye, Seraphina!" Amharic said kindly. "Bye amharic." I replied. "Bye..." Jelequi hugged me, letting go reluctantly. I felt more reluctant to go while I flew away. The battle was great when there was adrenaline pulsing through my veins, but now? I killed so many dragons. I shuddered, remembering the sickening scrape of my claws against scales. I got back to the palace, deciding it was time for a victory dance. I called for it, and watched tiredly as it came together. It was a celebration, a time for joy, but I just felt alone. The rest of the day I sulked in my room, drinking mango juice, my comfort drink. Why I suddenly felt like there was no meaning to the world was beyond me, but suddenly the world was the same familiar shades of gray that surrounded me before I met Jelequi. I was slipping back into my old ways, not even feeling anything when I read. Why I felt this sudden lack of motivation to live, I don't know. I fell asleep to a dreamless but restless sleep. I woke up, not feeling satisfied. I was sure something had just slipped out of my grip. I got up like a zombie, getting coffee. The dance would happen tonight. I waited throughout the day, doing mindless nothings. Astra visited me, the only colored part of my day. At the end of the day I got ready and went down to the ball. I went down, danced with a few people, ate, drank- not alcohol- and then I saw Lyka dancing with a girl. I don't know what triggered me, but I felt like I was suffocating. Everyone here was happy and in love. They had happy endings waiting for them. Could I say the same? I sighed, and flew outside, my claustrophobia worse than usual. I looked up at the beautiful night sky. A shooting star flashed across the sky. Please. This is the only thing I'll ever ask. Just let jelequi love me back. For once in my absolutely miserable life... let something go right. I felt tears dripping down my cheeks, as I looked up at the stars silently asking what the hell I did wrong. I thought about all the happy couples, wondering how they struggled to tell each other how they felt. How many hearts were broken through love. How many were fixed. How many friendships were broken. She'll never like me... right?

As tears slid down my face, and I tasted the salty liquid of them, it was as if I could see the world for the first time since my parents died. I thought the veil had been lifted when I met Jelequi, but this is different. I'm finally free.

Slowly my tears became ones of relief. I finally felt okay. I felt my doubts and fears slowly washing away with the awful grayness. I guess things really do have to get worse before they get better.

I have to tell her. I can't keep on with this, this pretending i don't love her, this worrying and jealousy. I want it to be over with, for better or worse.

As I sat there gazing at the stars, slowly drifting into sleep, I thought maybe making wishes work after all...

My dreams brought me to new places. They were winter turning into spring, they were a war finally over, they were pure relief. Jelequi wound through all of them, she laughed, and smiled, and was there. And that was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

I woke up, feeling content. It was a sort of calm not easily breakable, not a wild happiness, just a solid contentedness. I sighed happily. The sunrise was beautiful, pink tendrils slowly curling across the sky. I heard birds chirping, just making me impossibly happier. It was surreal to be happy at the smallest things that became my entire world for the few minutes the sky was aglow with color. I went inside. My mind was buzzing, like the first time I drank coffee. Speaking of coffee... i went to the kitchen to get the necessary drink. I quickly inhaled it. I didn't know what to think of seeing Jelequi, or what i thought of my resolve. I still wanted it over with, but was the gamble for our friendship worth it?