Caught In A Lie | A BTS Fanfic

CHAPTER 3

NAMJOON

It felt surreal. That was my first thought when I stepped out of the taxi and into the snow.
I thanked the driver and grabbed my one bag, I looked around at the view and smiled. I really loved the cold weather, the snow and the silence. It was perfect. I grabbed my sunglasses out of my pocket and slipped them on. There was a bench outside the cabins and I just wanted to sit to take it all in for a minute.
The last few months had been hectic, more than hectic. They had been hell. Releasing a new album, announcing tours then doing the tours, press junkets and all of the travel had been killing me. Not just me either, the boys in the group were suffering too. I couldn’t take it anymore; I had looked at their faces at our last show the night before and known that they couldn’t take much more. When I had turned and looked in the mirror, I had realised I had the same look in my eyes. Being the leader meant so much but I wasn’t leading, I was being led by the company and enough was enough.
We were meant to be on a break for a week before starting another press tour in the US, all of us were thinking of visiting family quietly and then getting on with our work but I had decided to run. Not forever, of course not, but if one of us wasn’t there the whole plan fall apart. I felt like not only had I done this for myself, but the boys would thank me for this too.
The last thing I would want is for the boys to resent me for how tired and overworked they had become. They hadn’t said anything but the way we were going, it wouldn’t have taken much more. Don’t get me wrong, the passion for the music was still there and the fans were still my everything but the pressure of being global artists was starting to wear me down day by day.
I didn’t tell them about what I had decided. They needed to have complete deniability; I knew the managers would not let them keep my whereabouts quiet so I left during the night. I walked out of the hotel, went to 4 different ATM machines and then went to the airport to get on the first flight out of London. So here I was in Finland, I had found these cabins last minute when I had landed and they seemed perfect. The last thing I needed was to be pictured here, I wouldn’t last a day but these cabins were so out of the way that I had relaxed and booked them straight away.
This was going to be good for all of us. I just needed to be able to breathe and hear myself think. The sun was shining, I could hear that amazing silence; absolute nothingness and it felt amazing.
I don’t know how long I had been sitting there thinking to myself. I needed to check in and relax, maybe start reading a few books I had my eyes on for a while or have a drink or just eat anything and everything. I was thinking about that when another car appeared in the distance. I didn’t move, just watched the sun gleaming on it as it got closer and closer. Another person coming to get away from the world. I closed my eyes and turned my face to the sky, I didn’t want to be caught staring.
The sound of tyres on snow was the only noise and when the car stopped, just a few metres away from me, I heard the doors open and close. I heard a voice saying her thanks, I heard the car turning to drive back the way it came and once it had left there was silence again. She hadn’t moved, I would have heard steps in the snow if she had. I wondered for a second whether even though I wasn’t looking her way had she realised who I was? Was she a fan? Was she taking pictures? I felt my palms getting clammy at the thought. She didn’t make a sound and I was starting to get nervous, I opened my eyes and glanced her way and my breath caught.
She looked like a picture. The sun was shining on her, it made her dark hair look like it was glowing around her as it moved in the wind. Her skin was a delicious caramel colour, her body curvy in all of the right places. She was holding her coat tight around her, standing with her feet slightly apart like she was bracing herself. She had her face turned up to the sky just like I had a few moments before, she was smiling but I could see something else gleaming on her face. I took off my sunglasses to see her properly, just to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. Tears. She was crying.
I thought about saying something to make sure she was okay, she had just arrived so what was making her tears fall? Then again, she was smiling so maybe they were tears of joy. I thought about clearing my throat instead, any noise to make her look my way because for some reason it felt important that I see her eyes but she was having her moment. In the end it felt right to let her have it and not ruin it for her. There was a beauty surrounding her and I couldn’t look away, it almost felt like I was intruding on her moment.
A few moments later I saw her take a deep breath and lower her face. Her eyes met mine straight away.
They were dark brown like melted dark chocolate, I could see that from where I was sitting and they were beautiful. Big almond eyes that were looking into mine with no reservations. They were full of unshed tears and so full of emotion that I felt that I should have looked away but I couldn’t. I was held there watching her watching me. As if it was in slow motion, a tear fell as I was watching and even if I tried to explain what went through my mind at that point, I couldn’t. I wanted to run to her and make sure she never cried again, I wanted to wipe the tear from her face, I wanted to kiss it away but instead I slowly stood up and then took a step towards her.
She still had the ghost of a smile on her lips, the lips I was looking at now, glossy and full. Everything about her was making me feel strange, like I had to touch her to make sure she was really standing there in front of me. As I took the step forwards, she took one back. She gripped her coat even tighter than she had been and looked away.
I stopped where I was and realised how odd I must look in that moment, I had no idea who she was but I had been staring at her for some time. Of course she was freaked out.
‘I’m sorry…are you okay?’