Caught In A Lie | A BTS Fanfic

CHAPTER 33

MINA

6 MONTHS AGO

‘We’re sorry. Truly. If we had known this was what was going on, we would have never had said those things to you.’
I should have been celebrating this massive win, my parents were actually apologising to me and for once they meant the words.
I had come back home and they had already known about Leo and Jia, it seemed to have turned out that the only friend I really had was Bee which was insane because I had met her through my former best friend. The apologies had been coming nonstop, they had checked on me every single day since they had found out I was home and yet this had been the first time I’d actually come face to face with them since I had been hiding for the last two weeks.
There had been so much on my mind to sort through and I couldn’t just keep going back to my thoughts of Jimin, I had to think about everything that had led up to those times too.
When I had walked through the door to my flat I had realised that Jia had been here and had cleared out both hers and Leo’s belongings like I had asked for her to. That had solidified everything in my head and the pain had hit me hard. My best friend and my boyfriend had been lying to me and I still didn’t know how long it had been going on, he had already been cheating on me for years beforehand but this was so much more fucked up. I knew inside that if she had come to me and explained I would have tried to understand the situation and be happy for them, there was nothing more important to me than my best friends happiness and if that was with my boyfriend then fuck it, clearly we weren’t as happy in our relationship as I had once thought. It wouldn’t have come as a huge shock. Instead they had both lied to me and it felt disgusting, all of those years had gone to waste. I had wasted my time and my emotions on both of them.
I had thought about it and I knew we would never be friends again so I cried about it for a while, drinking and watching sad movies. I didn’t leave the flat for days. Bee called me and found out that I was back home, she came over one night to talk and I cried all over again. I cried out all my humiliation, my pain and my anger, she listened and didn’t say anything to tell me I was wrong or right.
‘You have to talk to your parents though.’
‘What’s the point? They think I’m a fucking idiot, not even once did they ask me why I left him.’
‘Mina, I’m sorry but…they know why. When you stopped answering calls again they got really worried and called Jia, she told them everything.’
I sat up in surprise, I hadn’t been expecting that. My parents treated Jia like a second daughter and for her to tell them…I couldn’t even picture it.
‘What happened?’
‘She said that your mum was a mess. She feels really guilty, you should go talk to her. To both of them.’
I still couldn’t face them though so I had called mum the day after, once I had thought about everything that Bee had told me. Part of me was terrified of having the conversation, I had always been the disappointment in the family and I couldn’t deal with being humiliated all over again. The phone had only rang once before mum had answered.
‘Mina?’
‘Yeah mum, it’s me.’ There was silence and then I heard crying, mum was sobbing quietly. ‘Mum?’
‘Mina, my poor baby…I’m so sorry. So sorry for everything, you must be so disappointed in me, in both of us.’
I had no words for her, this was the last thing I had been expecting and my own tears started flowing again. After years of being told I was always in the wrong, she was the disappointment?
‘Mum…I-‘
‘Listen, you take your time okay? Come back whenever you’re ready, I know this isn’t easy but we’re here for you. We just want you to be okay.’
‘I got home a few days ago. I’m just working out things right now but I’ll come to you soon. I just need a few days.’
Mum had understood and explained everything to dad and they had indeed left me alone. For the first time in a long time I was grateful for both of them, they checked on me but not too much and only asked basic questions as if they knew I couldn’t take much more.
I couldn’t have taken much more because of Jimin, all of those thoughts about Jimin revolving through my mind every damn minute of every day.
I kept thinking about what had happened; how those feelings had built up and been responded to but how they had meant nothing to him. How I had slept with Joon and Jimin and what a complete mess I had made. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it because firstly, who would believe me and secondly I couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I was still humiliated and I still felt cheap.
Over the next few months I saw the promotions for BTS all over the place, it was as if the internet was enjoying throwing them in my face. They all looked so happy and excited for the next stage of their musical career, if I hadn’t been there during one of their lows I would have believed everything I was seeing but sometimes when I sat down to watch one of their latest interviews I thought that Jimin seemed quiet compared to the rest of them. Sometimes I would look at his eyes during a close up thinking that I could see sadness in them but I always convinced myself I was imagining things. He had said himself that I had meant nothing to him.
Still, I couldn’t forget him. I couldn’t stop thinking about everything that had happened between us; the kisses, the touches and how it felt waking up next to him that one morning, how I had thought that everything would be okay.
I found myself getting thinner and thinner, I felt like shit every day and nothing felt right. I just couldn’t be happy again and sometimes I really struggled with the thought that this was all down to him. One person that had changed me so completely and we had only been around each other for just over a month. I wouldn’t have ever thought a person could have this much of an effect on my life but here I was. Depressed and angry.
Angry because I knew I would never get over this hurt, angry because the humiliation at falling in love with someone who thought of me as nothing was too much to bear and I was angry that I had even let myself get into this situation. Every morning I would think about everything that I would have done differently but then I’d think of Joon and how he had been my escape, I couldn’t really say that I would change that; he wasn’t a regret. It was all just such a mess in my head and I couldn’t do anything about it.
In the midst of all of the thoughts running through my mind on a daily basis, Leo had gotten in touch. He wanted to talk and I wasn’t sure why, I said as much to him and he had begged for a conversation in person; after a few weeks of his calls I gave in and agreed to meet him at a hotel bar. I had hoped that he would have enough sense in him to not try and bring Jia with him, it was awkward enough just seeing him.
When it had come to the night of the meeting I had decided to dress up a little, it was one of those stupid thoughts that even if he had now decided to be with my best friend, at least I didn’t look like someone who had taken it hard. When I had walked into the hotel and over to the queue for the bar the only thoughts going through my mind were about what Leo was going to say and how I should act, that’s when I had felt a hand grab my arm and had turned to see the person that had been tormenting my thoughts for the last six months.