Caught In A Lie | A BTS Fanfic

CHAPTER 21

MINA

I was a coward, I knew that well enough.
I had barely slept the night before and I was itching to get away from the whole situation so I decided to go to the closest town for the day and look around. I didn’t look around, I had spent the whole day sitting in a coffee shop staring out of the window nursing whatever drink I decided to have every hour.
It felt so wrong to be in this situation, I needed to think about what to do. Kissing Jimin had made me think of all the possibilities in front of us but I kept thinking about everything that had led to this moment. It’s not like it had been months since I had left Leo, it had only been weeks since Joon and I had stopped having sex and now I had moved onto Jimin?
If anyone else had told me this about themselves I wouldn’t have known what to say but words in my mind went from selfish all the way to slut and I was being completely honest. Jimin didn’t even know properly about what had been going on, Joon wouldn’t have told him because otherwise he never would have come as close to me as he had. I wanted to pursue this but I didn’t want to rush into it either.
I didn’t really know when I had started feeling this way, I didn’t know when my feelings had gotten so strong but they were flowing through me like a waterfall. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I was thinking about how his lips had felt on mine, how his arms had held me and I also couldn’t forget that look filled with hurt he had given me when I had cut off the kiss and told him to go. What else was I supposed to do, the feelings had overwhelmed me all at once and I couldn’t think straight. In the midst of all of that, I didn’t really know how he was feeling either. I wondered how he had felt finding out I wasn’t there today, maybe he’d be upset or angry and then there was the chance that he didn’t care because it hadn’t meant anything to him.
A voice in the back of my head was telling me that I was playing with fire, that this was only going to end in tears so what was the point of starting it and I felt like it was right.
I was messing with a friendship, a brotherhood and it didn’t feel right. Maybe if I had talked to Joon then I wouldn’t feel like this. There was another part of me still thinking of things back home.
I couldn’t stay here forever, maybe this was a sign that I had been away from my responsibilities long enough. It didn’t matter that my family didn’t understand me now, they would in the future. It mattered right now that my best friend had betrayed me but it wouldn’t matter in time, I couldn’t just hide forever.
By the time I had thought things through and started my way out of the coffee shop it was getting dark outside. I grabbed a taxi and started the journey back to the lodge.
It was silent as ever when I got there and when I walked into my cabin the knot of nerves that had settled in my stomach had dissipated because the only person there was Joon, sitting in front of the fire reading. He looked up when I closed the door and smiled, his dimples making me smile too. I went over to him, taking my coat off and sitting down on the sofa next to him.
‘Did you have fun?’
‘Not really, I just went to think about things.’
‘And did you make a decision?’
‘About what?’
‘Anything…everything?’
When I looked at him, I felt like he had known exactly what was going on but Jimin couldn’t have told him already. He looked at me with encouragement in his eyes and I looked down at my hands folded together in my lap.
‘I think I’m going to go home. I thought about it and I can’t hide forever. My family don’t deserve this, I should go and talk to them and sort my life out too.’
Joon seemed to be caught off guard, as if I had said the opposite to what he expected. He opened and closed his mouth a few times but he didn’t say anything. In the end he nodded and put his arm around my shoulders. I leaned in and rested my head on his chest, taking a deep breath and closed my eyes.
‘When are you going to go?’
‘Maybe a few days. What about you?’
‘Maybe a week or two, I think Jimin wanted to stay longer but he might change his mind. We have things we need to do back home.’
I sat back up and cleared my throat, the Jimin comment had my cheeks burn but I didn’t want to make my reaction obvious. I was already feeling guilty about so many things, I had the thought that I didn’t want to continue this way. I looked at Joon and decided to tell him at least one truth.
‘Joon…I know who you guys are.’ His heard turned towards me sharply, he was staring at the side of my face hard and I felt in that moment that maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but I didn’t want to keep hiding this from him, we were probably never going to see each other again and I had to tell the truth, ‘I should have said something right away but I didn’t want you to think that I was around you because of who you are. I promise you I don’t care, I thought you were an amazing person before and if anything, I think that ten times more now. The things that we did, they weren’t anything to do with you being a part of BTS. If you need me to sign anything or whatever, I’ll do it all…I just didn’t want to lie to you.’
He stood up and moved away from me, I watched him pensively; I didn’t know whether he’d ask me to leave or whether he’d punch me in the face.
‘You knew…from the beginning?’
‘Yeah…since the first time I saw you.’
‘Did you tell anyone?’
There was an element of panic in his eyes when he asked me.
‘Of course not. I’m not that kind of person, I know you needed to be away from that life and I was going through the same thing. I just let you be you.’
‘Why?’
‘Joon, you’re a good person. I didn’t want to ruin this for you, the more I got to know you the more I liked you. I’m so happy that I can call you my friend and friends do not betray each other. I would have acted the same way regardless of who you are. I promise you.’
I really hoped that he could tell I was being sincere. He looked the tiniest bit more relaxed than he had minutes ago. He came back over to me and sat back down, leaning forward to grab the beer that he had been sipping.
‘I’ve had a lot of people betray my trust Mina, like so many you wouldn’t even guess but…so have you, I guess I’m giving you the benefit of doubt. We said we’re friends so I’m trusting that. I suppose if you were going to tell anyone or had told anyone, we wouldn’t here in peace right now so thank you.’
‘You don’t need to thank me. You’ve helped me, I will always appreciate that.’
He stood and extended his arms towards me, I smiled and moved forwards, hugging him back. His arms felt familiar and I molded myself to him. Part of me was so glad I had met him but another bigger part of me really wished we hadn’t crossed a line. I would have stayed until all of BTS left this place if I thought that Jimin and I could have something between us.
Joon was resting his head on top of mine and I squeezed him, he laughed lightly and squeezed me back. That had felt like a weight off of my shoulders and even if Joon was still a little wary, I couldn’t blame him for that. His life must have led him to feel this way, there’s no way I could have been upset about it.
I heard the door open and looked over without letting go of Joon, all of the boys were coming in one by one. My heart started beating faster when Jimin walked through the door, looking around and then laid his eyes on us.
He froze and didn’t look away but I saw the wave of emotions go through him. He was pissed for sure. I wanted to go over and explain but I was leaving anyway, I was running away again in a few days and this time it was from him so why bother.
His face though…he looked so tired and glum, now there was annoyance mixed in there too so how could I ignore that. Regardless of me leaving, I had clearly hurt his feelings and I couldn’t leave like this; not when all I wanted is, for him to be happy.
The boys all started wooping and laughing, Joon and I separating and laughing along with them. Jimin wasn’t among them though, he had turned and walked out of the door.