You ARE My World

Sure, Gary.

I woke up the next morning and immediately went to the hospital. When I got there he was finally in his own room sleeping. "Since we have his own room now, we are going to have to ask to have someone here at all times until he goes home." The new nurse explained to me. I smiled. "Sure thing. How is he?" I asked. He nodded. "Just since last night his OT level went up 10%. If he keeps it up, he'll be outta here by Thursday, with an OT machine and some oxygen until your PED says otherwise." She explained to me in doctor term. Thankfully having a father that is a doctor, I knew what she said. He is always using that kind of language at home. I nodded. "That's wonderful!" I said excited. "You can pick him up and hold him. Just be careful of the IV and his cannula." She reprimanded. I nodded. I went over to him and started to take some pictures. I looked at him and I smiled. I couldn't believe that at 18, I was a mother of two, engaged, and working a part time job. Looking back, I never saw myself as a mom until I was older, but hey! Things happen. I tried to pick him up to hold him, and I was too afraid to hurt him. When I hit the nurse's button she came in and smiled. "I knew that you were going to push that button. Go get comfortable, I will bring him to you." She smiled. I nodded in embarrassment. "Don't worry, He isn't in pain. He is just a tiny little peanut. You got extremely lucky. Babies at 6 months are usually still the size of a size 4 shoe. But you were really big. And he really wanted out. How big was your first?" She asked me placing him in my arms. I smiled. "She was almost 8 pounds. Much different." I said my eyes getting big. She nodded. "She's adorable." She said smiling at me. I nodded and thanked her. After the nurse left Lucas came in. "Why didn't Steven come with you?" He asked curious. I shrugged. "Not even sure where he is." I said. I wasn't mad at him, I was upset that he wasn't respecting my feelings. There was a knock on the door and it was Steven and his brother. "Speaking of." Lucas mumbled. I asked Lucas if he wanted to hold him. My brother didn't get to hold him yesterday, because everyone kept coming in and seeing him and holding him. "I'd love too." I wanted to get up because my back was sore. I carefully got up and let him sit. I put the pillow in his lap, and knew that he was really nervous. "The nurse had to come in and help me pick him up. I was so scared I was going to hurt him. But she assured me that he isn't in pain. Just tiny." I said to him. Steven smiled and grabbed his phone to take a picture. "He's a lot different than Addison." Lucas said nervous. "I know. But nothing that time can't heal." I assured him. I looked at Steven who smiled at me. I needed his arms around me and I didn't even care that I was upset with him. I embraced him in a hug and he squeezed me gently. When he kissed the top of my head, I knew he wasn't mad at me. "Love you." I said smiling into his chest. "Love you more." He said. "I didn't need a fight to resolve this issue, just a reminder that he's still mine, and an 'I love you.' I smiled. I let go of him and hugged Pat. "Hey there Em." He said hugging me tight.  Lucas told me that he was too uncomfortable to hold him, and I grabbed him. Lucas went into a full blown anxiety attack. Steven grabbed Grayson carefully from me, and I grabbed Lucas's hand and helped into the waiting room. "Hey, hey, what's going on?" I asked. He let out a sob. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to start crying. I just got thinking. And I was so afraid that I was going to hurt that tiny head of his." He explained. I hugged him because I knew that's what he needed. "Are you scared?" He asked. I nodded. "Very. But I know that he will be alright. I know that. You know that. Everything is alright with him." I assured him. I told him what the nurse said, and he nodded. "You don't have to hold him until he is home. It makes you nervous, and I completely understand that!" I said trying to make him feel better. He nodded and he wiped the tears from his eyes and started to walk back toward the room. I laughed. "That was easy." I said laughing. When I got back into the room, Pat was sitting in the chair with the pillow in his lap, and Grayson on top of it. I smiled. I knew that it meant a lot to pat to be here. He didn't get to hold Addison. But Addison sure does love her Uncle Pat. Lucy came in with Addison and she came running to me. "Up!" She said pointing to me signaling me to pick her up. I bent from the knees to pick her up. I was feeling much better, but I was still a little sore. "Baby?" She asked. I brought her over to pat and pointed to Grayson. "Grayson." I said to her. "Gary?" She asked. Steven let out a snicker. "Sure, Gary." I said smiling at her. I put her under the pillow sitting next to Pat. Her eyes got wide and she reached out her hand. Steven went to stop her. "No, wait." I said holding out my hand. She lightly placed her hand on his head and said "Gary!" She giggled. I smiled. I pulled out my phone to take a picture of Addison and Grayson and she smiled. I took one of the three of them and sent it to Pat. Shortly after Pat got up and Addison remained sitting gently with Grayson on her lap. "Do you love Gary?" Steven asked smiling. She nodded. "How much?" I asked. She held her hands out as far as she could reach them and she squealed, "This much!" I laughed. I was already in love with Addison. And now, I was in love with Grayson. I was obsessed with my children. They ARE my world.