You ARE My World

Now the Truth Comes Out

"What?" I asked Thomas as he wiped whipped cream off of his face. "Nothing. It's just nice to see you smile. It looks good on you." He replied with sweetness. I blushed. I gave Addison another bite of her chocolate pudding pie, and stole a bite for myself. "Alright, Canadian tradition. Now its time for Poutine." Thomas said. I looked at him wide eyed. "I'm not sure I can eat more. We just ate pie." I chuckled. He winked. "That's why we get it to go. And eat it later." He winked.  I nodded. He helped me carry out Grayson while I held Addison's hand out into the parking lot. "Thank you for pie and Poutine. It was fun!" I said smiling he nodded. "Sure thing." He said turning up the radio. He played the song "Lonely Eyes" by Chris Young and sang all the words. I laughed at him. He turned the radio down and blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry. One of my favorites." He explained. I nodded. "No biggie." I giggled at him. When he dropped the kids and I off at home, he walked me to the front door.  He hugged me. And i got butterflies.  I walked in and my parents were sitting on the couch watching their favorite tv show Grey's Anatomy. It was getting late, so I put the kids to bed and decided I was going to sit on the front porch swing. I grabbed the baby monitor just in case one of the kids woke up and walked outside. I got a text.

Steven- can I come over?

Me- for what?

Steven- I just want to talk. 

Me- well... alright. But not for long.

When he got here, he sat on the steps in front of the swing,  and we sat in silence. "I know, that there is no chance of us ever getting back together... but can we be friends?" He asked breaking the silence.  I shrugged.  "You hurt me. And you hurt me bad. I dont know if I could ever trust you again." I explained. He nodded. "Im sorry Em. I didn't realize how bad I really hurt you." He said putting his head down in shame. I shrugged again. "I can't even look at the kids without thinking of you. I lie in the bed we slept in together and all I can smell is your aftershave. I turn on the radio and that Damn song you sang to me the day after Addison's birthday party in the truck still plays. It hurts. There isn't a god Damn thing I can do that doesn't remind me of you." I explained to him and trying not to cry.  He looked at me scared. "I've never seen you so upset." He said nervous.  "That's because I've never been so hurt or betrayed in my life. We had 7 and half years going for us Steven.  You can't expect me to just drop you like that!" I said snapping my fingers. "Em..." He started. "Hmm?" I asked in all hope he was done with that dime store hooked and wanted me back. "I am taking medicine." He stated. I looked at him puzzled. "What kind of medicine?" He shrugged. "I'm taking medicine for my chronic depression." He exclaimed.  I looked at him. Steven never struck me as the type of person to be depressed. "How come?" I asked already assuming the answer. He hung his head. "For the past couple of months I haven't been feeling the greatest.  And well 7 nights ago, so a week ago, I tried to take my life." He explained. My hands got weak and I started to shake. "Why didn't you tell me?  Are you alright?" I asked officially crying now. He nodded. "These pills are helping. But I am not 100%. I will be. And that's why I wanted you to know I was sorry the other night. I'm hurting too. And I want you to know that." He explained. I got up and I sat next to him on the step. "Steven, even though I am angry with you doesn't mean I want you to disappear forever. You made a manic mistake. And I'm not forgiving you right now, but I need you.  Your kids need you. Your brother needs you. Mandy needs you. I will always have a part of me that loves you, it's just the way it is. Please don't leave." I said grabbing his arm. He wrapped his arm around mine and I rested my head on his shoulder.  "Please." I whispered again crying. He nodded. "I promise." He said holding out his pinky. I grabbed his pinky with mine and shook it a little. I got up off of him and I moved back up to the swing.  I shivered and i pulled my sweater over my knees and I sunk my head into my knees. There was a calming silence between us for a while until Grayson started to cry. "Can I get him?" Steven asked. I nodded. He came back out with him swaddled in his blanket. "I miss the kids." He said looking at Grayson. I nodded. "Addison misses her Papa." I smiled. He laughed "Would you mind if I took the kids this weekend?" He asked. I shook my head. "They are your children too. You can take them whenever you want. Just be careful." I explained to him. "I want to take them to see my parents, they are having a party this weekend. If you want, you're more than welcome to come." He invited. I shrugged. "No, that's alright. I have plans." I said trying not to make eye contact. He nodded. "You have a boyfriend?" He asked. I sighed. "No. And I don't think that I want one right now. But I did meet this kid, Thomas. Eh, sorry you don't want to know about my problems." I said stopping in the middle of my sentence. "If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't have asked. What's going on?" He asked. I shrugged. "Nothing. I just am not ready for a relationship. I'm still trying to get over everything. I better get going inside." I sstarted to get up. He walked over to me and grabbed my hand. "Em. Stay. Talk to me. Tell me I'm an asshole. Do whatever you need to help yourself heal." He said. "I could never call you an asshole Steven. You were the love of my life. I can't just hate the love of my life. I will get over it. Just need some time. I'll be fine. I promise." I said grabbing Grayson from him. I started to cry. "Let me take the kids tonight, so you can have a long weekend." He said. I shrugged. "Addison is sleeping. You don't want to wake her." I said. He nodded. "I'll come get them first thing tomorrow morning then." He said. I looked at him with tears in my eyes. "Alright. See you then." I said retreating back into the house. "Em?" He asked getting my attention. I pulled the door open a little, and peeked through the crack. "I'm sorry. And I know things will never work for us now. But I want you to know I am sorry." He explained. I nodded. "I know you are Steven. Go home and get some sleep." I said pointing to his truck. He nodded. I shut the door and locked it and I sat on the couch with Grayson. I un swaddled him changed his diaper. My dad came down stairs and he had Olivia in his arms. "What's wrong?" I asked. She shook his head. "She had a nightmare. Lucas is out with a friend doing things for his friend's wedding. I am watching her. And she started screaming." He explained. I nodded. I set Grayson in his swing and I turned it on. "Let me see her." I said pointing to her. He handed her to me and I grabbed the blanket off of the couch and walked outside. "What's the matter Livy? Tell Auntie." I said to her. She started to cry. "I had a bad dream. And I want daddy" She cried. I nodded. "Daddy is out right now. Will Auntie Em do? Can you tell me what your dream was about?" I asked. She nodded. "A princess who lost her prince and he was lost for a long time and he didn't come back." She cried. I tried not to giggle. "Awe, Livy. That's really sad. But it was only a dream. And someday you will find your prince." I explained. She nodded. "Aunt Em? Does you have a prince?" She asked sleepy. I chuckled out loud this time. "I did. But he decided that there was another princess that was just right for him. I will find another prince someday." I explained hoping she would understand. She nodded and let out a yawn. "I hope you do." She smiled sleepily. I kissed her head. "Me too kiddo." I said. I rocked her back to sleep and then brought her back into my dad. "How'd you do that? I've been trying for an hour now." He asked. I laughed. "You just have to be a princess to understand." I explained. He nodded and took her from me. He hugged me, and walked upstairs. I wasn't tired, so I wasn't going to lie in bed wasting time. I decided to clean the downstairs. I dusted, and cleaned the living room, and I mopped the floors in the kitchen. Around 4 am my dad came down and asked me what I was doing. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" I asked guilty. He shook his head. "No, I have to head to work. I saw that your door was still open. Have you slept yet?" He asked. "No. I'm not tired." I said yawning. He helped me off the floor. "Go get some sleep. You don't have to clean." He said ushering me up the stairs. I nodded. He hugged me and I brought Grayson upstairs with me. I fell asleep until 9:30 when Addison woke me up by getting into bed with me. "Mommy!" She said excited. I opened one of my eyes and she let out a giggle. "Daddy is going to come get you soon. You want to take a bath?" I asked. She nodded and slid off the bed to the bathroom. "I guess that's my Que to get up!" I sighed. I got up and I rant he abth for her. Once we were done I let her go in her closet and pick out the clothes that she wanted to wear and we got dressed. I grabbed Grayson for a quick bath as well so they were clean for him and got him dressed in a short overall outfit. Steven got here around 10, and when I kissed the kids goodbye Steven reached in for a hug. "You're not helping the situation we talked about last night." I said refusing his hug. He nodded. "Sorry." He hung his head and walked to the truck. I walked back into the house and continued to clean the kitchen before my mom got up. Just as I finished she woke up. "Amelia. You don't need to clean my house all the time." She said. I nodded. "I know, I just had a lot on my mind. And you know me, that's when the house is the cleanest when I have a lot to think about." I chuckled. "Are you alright?" She asked. I nodded. "I talked to Steven heart to heart last night since I left him." I said explaining to her everything that happened. Her eyes got wide. "Is he getting help?" She asked. I nodded. "Yes. I just want him to be alright." I said tearing up again. "Want to talk about it more or leave it alone?" She asked. "I just want him to want me. As much as I want him." I explained. She put her teabag in the mug and sat down. I grabbed the whole milk for her and she poured it in her tea. "Him being depressed is no excuse to cheat on someone. If you are unhappy. You should just leave. Cheating leaves everyone hurt. So, if you want my opinion, you shouldn't want him. And I know that is a terrible thing to say, but you know I don't sugar coat things." She explained. I nodded. I knew my mom was right, I just was having a hard time getting over him. I checked my phone.

Thomas- Good morning. How are you feeling.

Me- I'm alright. How are you?

Thomas- Great. Want to catch dinner and a movie tonight?

Me- Sure. Just have some things to do around the house first. Kids are gone for the weekend. :)

Thomas- :) Good to know. :)

I didn't text him back. And I jsut stared at my phone. I just accepted my first date. And I was nervous as all hell.