You ARE My World

Friend?

I woke up the next morning and I had a pounding headache. It was probably from crying so hard. I got up and Grayson was awake lying quietly in his bassinet. I picked him up and brought him down stairs. When I got down there Steven was sitting with Addison and Tristen and they were talking. Steven smiled at me. I envied the two of them for being so close, I wish I had a girl friend to talk with. Steven came and grabbed Grayson from me, and I thanked him. Addie came running to me and I squeezed her tight. "Hi Beetle! How you doin'? I asked silly. She giggled. "Addison tell momma what Uncle TT taught you last night." Tristen said to her. I shot him a look. She crossed her arms and made a duck face and said "naw what mean?" I laughed. I looked Tristen. "You're corrupting my daughter." I joked. He winked. I walked over to the couch and sat down with Addison. She snuggled me, and laid on my lap. "Tell mommy what we had for breakfast." Tristen said again. Her head shot up in excitement. "TT made me a pancake wif strawberries and yrup." She said. I laughed. I loved that she had a problem pronouncing her 's.' everything always sounded funny. "Very nice Beetle. Did you thank TT?" I asked. She nodded. "Thank you TT" She smiled at him. He nodded. "How you feeling?" He asked. I nodded. "A little better. Sorry to the both of you for being so ridiculous last night." I said. Steven frowned. "Being depressed isn't ridiculous. It's serious. It's okay, we understand. But we need to go to the doctor." He said sternly. I shrugged. "I can control it. I don't need the doctor to diagnose it." I said. "You don't want to try and take some medicine?" Steven asked. I shook my head. "No. Not until I know I can't handle it anymore. And I promise that I will let know when that is." I explained to the both of them. Steven nodded knowing there was nothing he could do. "I was actually wondering though babe, would you be okay with the kids for a little bit?" I asked. He nodded. "Of course. What are you going to do?" He asked curious. I shrugged. "I think I am going to see if Lucy wants to go out and do something. Or maybe I will just drive around for a bit." I explained. He nodded. "Alright." He smiled. I let Addison down and went upstairs to text Lucy.

Me- Hey lady, I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today.

Lucy- I'm sorry, I have work until 2, and then Lucas asked me on a date. You are still watching Olivia right?

Me- Oh, okay. No problem. And yessm. See you tonight then!

I was kind of disappointed. I texted my mom.

Me- Can I come over today? I have some things I want to ask you, and talk about.

Mom- Sure things baby girl. Everything alright?

Me- Yeah. Just kinda sad lately. And I don't know what to do about it.

Mom- Come over whenever. Me and your father will be home all day. Everyone else is gone!

Me- Okay. Love you

Mom- Love you too sweetie. Chin up kiddo.

Me- I'm trying.

I laid back in my bed for a little while before I went and got in the shower. Steven came up while I was in the shower, and asked me if I was alright. "I'm fine. I am going to my mom's for a little bit. You can come, or you can stay home with the kids. Or I can bring the kids. It doesn't matter." I explained rinsing my hair. He chuckled. "I am going to stay home with the kids. You go and have a good day with your mom." He said. He opened the curtain and kissed my shoulder. I turned off the water and he handed me a towel. I got out and I got dressed and left. I felt bad leaving Steven and the kids behind, but I needed this day to myself. I guess everything has happened so fast this past year and half that I really haven't been able to process anything. When I got to my parents' house they were in the kitchen sitting at the table. I sat down and put myself instantly in a funk. "Amelia. What's wrong?" My dad asked. I shrugged. "I admitted to Steven and Tristen both that I was depressed last night. And I don't even know what to do anymore." I said. My mom dropped her bagel. "Why are you depressed?" She asked. I shrugged. "I wish I could answer that mom. But ever since Addison has been about 6 months old I have been starting to feel a little worse each day. And last night, well I just couldn't handle it anymore and I told someone." I explained. My dad looked at my mom they nodded. "It's a normal thing. To feel depressed." My dad started. I looked at him crazy. "I don't feel normal." I muttered. He nodded. "I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with Lucas all the way up till the triplets were born." My mom explained. I looked at her. That was a long time to be depressed. I was fifteen when the triplets were born. And Lucas and I are only 9 months apart. I looked at her surprised. "What did you do?" I asked her. "I never did anything about it until it was too late." She said. "It was about 6 months before I got pregnant with the triplets. Remember when I was in the hospital for a week that one time?" She asked. I nodded. I looked at her in awe. I didn't strike my mom to be the kind to try to hurt herself. "I waited too long. Amelia, don't be ashamed of being sad and lonely. Ever. If you are feeling like this, I suggest you and I go to the doctors next week, and get some help." My dad suggested. I shrugged. "What if they don't work?" I asked. My chuckled. "We will worry about it if that happens. But medicine does help. Ask you mom." He said pointing to her. She pulled the bottle from her purse and handed it to me. "I take this once a day with my coffee in the morning, and I can tell you that it does help. And I'm not saying it cured it, because I still have my anxieties, but they are a lot better." She explained. I nodded. I wasn't exactly sure that I needed to be on medication, but I don't want to get as bad as my mom did. My dad got up and made me a bagel. I picked at it. "I've noticed that you haven't been eating either. Why?" My mom asked. I shrugged. "Not that I don't want too, I just don't have an appetite." I explained. She nodded. "I get like that sometimes. We will take you to the doctors this week." She said again. I nodded. I thanked my parents and I went upstairs to talk to Lucas. When I knocked on his door, I heard a giggle. "Come in." He said. I walked in and Lucy was sitting on his bed. I looked at her confused. "I thought you had to work? And where's Olivia?" I asked putting my guard up. She looked down. I got the hint. "Call me later Lou." I said walking out. Lucy came out and stopped me. "I'm sorry." She said. "You didn't have to lie. If you didn't want to hang out with me, all you had to do was say no. Don't fucking lie to me." I said angry. She hung her head. "I'm sorry." She said again. I rolled my eyes. "No, you're not. I am trying to have a relationship with you, because I know how much my brother loves you. And I'm trying to find just one friend. Just one friend that cares..." I started to cry. She tried to pull me in for a hug and I pulled away. "Don't worry, I'll still watch Olivia tonight. I have to go." I said retreating down the stairs. Lucas came out and asked what was going on. "Eh, nothing. Don't worry about it. Call me later. Love you." I said not making a big deal of it. I loved my brother, and I knew that he loves her. So I won't cause a scene. I got into car and I drove to the store to do some grocery shopping. Once I got almost 2 weeks worth of groceries, I started to feel better. I was cashing out and I ran into one of my childhood friends Octive. I looked at her, and had to do a double take. "Octive?" I asked. She looked at me and smiled. I paid for my groceries and I embraced her in a hug. Octive moved away in middle school shortly after I got together with Steven. We were neighbors at our old house on Mouse Island. "How have you been?" She asked. I shrugged. "Well, I'm not going to lie. Really crappy, but so well at the same time." I said. She looked at me. "Come on. What's going on?" She asked. Same old Octive, she was still spunky and nosy as ever. "I have two kids, and a fiance." I explained. She looked at me with wide eyes. "What? Oh my goodness! I want to see!" She said excited. I showed her a picture that I took of the kids at the hospital and she let out a huge "AWE!" I smiled. "This is Addison, and this is out newest little guy, Grayson." I said pointing. "Would you like to come over?" I asked out of a whim. Her eyes lit up. "I'd love too! I don't want to impose though." She said embarrassed. "Girl, it's you. You're more than welcome. Just don't mind my mess. I've got to clean tonight." I said. She nodded. We got in our cars and she followed me over to the house. She helped me bring in the groceries. "Thanks." I said setting them down on the kitchen floor. Steven came down with Grayson. "Hey love. Oh, hi! I'm Steven. And you are?" He asked. She smiled. "I'm Octive. I'm a childhood friend of Amelia's. We were neighbors when we lived on Mason's Point." She explained to him. He stretched out his hand to shake it. "Nice to meet you. Make yourself at home!" He said. She looked at me and winked. I blushed. "This is Grayson. Our Miracle." I said to her. She looked at him and smiled I explained to her our situation and she welled up with tears. Steven handed him to her. I started to put away the groceries as she sat down. Addison came down looking for me, and she saw Octive with Grayson. "She holdin Gary?" She asked. I laughed. "Yes sweetie. This is Octive mommy's friend." I introduced. She smiled at her. Friend. That was a word that I wasn't familiar with. Maybe this is what I needed to make my life better. Octive back in my life.