You ARE My World

My Wild, Wild, Child

Later that night, Steven and I went to the log cabin  that my parents owned. We took the kids, and we were going to make a night of it. We turned the TV on for them and he and I went out into the dining room to talk. I wasn't feeling good, my anxiety was through the roof and I was upset with Steven for not being there for me earlier today. "So, what's going on?" I asked him. "What do you mean?" He asked giving me a look. I let out a snort. "Leaving me in the dust last night? Addison kept asking for you last night. And this morning? Really? I really needed you and you weren't there." I said crossing my arms. He sighed. "You said you wanted to be alone. And I offered to take the kids." He exclaimed. I huffed. "That's not the point Steven. The point is, that even if I push you away, you know I don't  mean it. And what so I couldn't see them? They're OUR kids. No matter how angry we get at each other, we have to out on a play for out children." I said getting angry. He put his head down. "I can't do this." He said hitting the table. Hr got up and he paced for a minute. I put my guard up. But my heart sank. "What do you mean?" I asked. He sighed for a second and then spoke softly. "I don't want to get married anymore Em. Don't get me wrong, I love you, in the fact that you're the mother of my children. But I have fallen out of love with you." He said letting a tear fall. He wasn't angry with me. But I could tell that he was serious. I hung my head and I put my head in my hands and started to cry. "What the hell am I doing wrong?" I asked removing my hands and getting angry. "Nothing. It's not you, its me." He said letting out a soft sob. "That's the oldest excuse in the book. Whatever Steven. Leave." I said kicking him out. "Get all the stuff from my parents house by the time I get out of the hospital. And you can have the kids every Friday through Sunday nights. We will work out holidays some other time. But for now, get the hell out." I said getting up. He got angry and got into my face like he did with me in school when I was pregnant with Addison. I cowered because I have an irrational fear of men that are stronger than me to begin with. "You have no right to speak to me that way. I'm sorry that I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already am by stringing you along. That's not fair!" He said pushing on my shoulder. I got away from him and I grabbed the kids and my keys. "I'll leave!"  I said rushing out the door. I slammed the door in his face and realized that I didn't have my car. I stompped back in the house and slammed the keys into his chest. He hung his head sulked to his truck. Addison stared to cry and I picked her up. "Its alright beetle. Come on. Let's go watch Monsters Inc." I said carrying Her into the living room. I set her on the couch and called my brother, and explained everything to him. He was there with Olivia within 20 minutes and when he got there my knees hit the floor and he caught my fall. "Ssshhh. Its alright." He whispered. "No it's not!" I screamed. He squeezed me as hard as he could. 'It's going to be alright." He said running his hands through my hair. I cried into his arms. Once I calmed down, I sat up and I wiped my hands on my face. I put my head in hands, and I tried to process everything. "I don't think he understand how much I love him." I said finally. Lucas came up behind me, and put his chin on my shoulder. "No, he doesn't. But I do. And I know how much it hurts to love someone so much and lose them because they don't love you back." He explained. I knew he was referring to Lucy. I nodded. Addison slipped off the couch and came over to me, and brought me her sippy cup. "Mommy? Are you okay?" She asked. I nodded. "I'm fine Beetle. Want to go home?" I asked. She nodded and ran into my arms. A child's love is unconditional. And they love you regardless of what you look like, what you do, or how much you love them. I hugged her and she eventually got sleepy in my arms, so I rocked her. "Lets go home. You have a long day tomorrow." He said taking Addison from me. I got Grayson, and I brought him to the car. The ride home was kind of quiet with both kids sleeping. I started to cry again, and Lucas grabbed my hand. "It's going to be alright." He said squeezing my hand. I nodded. "I hope so." I said trying not to cry really hard. I got home and my parents were sitting in th living room. Dad shot up out of his chair and set Grayson on the floor near my mom. He pulled me in tight hug, and he kissed my head. "Daddy. I love him." I said crying. He nodded. "I know baby girl. I know." He said hugging me tight. Lucas took Addison upstairs and my mom took Grayson out of his car seat. I let go of my dad and I sat on the couch trying not to break down again. My mom took off Grayson's coat and noticed that he had spit up on his onsie. "I'll go change him. I will take care of him tonight. You get some rest. You've got a long day tomorrow. I love you sweetie. Everything's going to work out." She said kissing my head. I nodded. "Mom?" I asked getting ehr attention. She turned. "Thank you. I love you." I said. She smiled. "I love you too sweetpea. Sweet dreams." She said smiling and retreating up the stairs. My dad helped me up and helped me up the stairs. Addison was in my bed awake watching TV that Lucas put on for her. I hugged everyone one last time and got into bed with her. I didn't bother putting on pajamas because I was too tired too. I grabbed Addison and I pulled her in close to me. "Sing mommy." She said looking up at me. I smiled.

I sang to her these words,

Looks like royal in a thrift store dress

Keeps my heart and her hair a mess

She goes where the wind suggests she goes, who knows

Got a spirit that can't be tamed

She's a calico pony on an open plain

I know I'll never be the same no more, for sure

She's a wild child

Got a rebel soul with a whole lot of gypsy wild style

She can't be tied down but for a while

I'll be falling free and so alive

Might break my heart but God she drives me wild child

You've never heard of her favorite band unless you

Been to Bonnaroo or Burning Man

She's Penny Lane in a Chevy van, she loves to love

She loves me wild child

Got a rebel soul with a whole lot of gypsy wild style

She can't be tied down but for a while

I'll be falling free and so alive

Might break my heart but God she drives me wild child

She'll be here until she runs

Some just have to chase the sun

She's a wild child

Got a rebel soul with a whole lot of gypsy wild style

She can't be tied down but for a while

I'll be falling free and so alive

Might break my heart but God she drives me wild child

A kaleidoscope of colors in her mind child

A touch of crazy hides behind her wild smile

So simple yet experimental

Innocent but still a little wild child

Wild Child By Kenny Chesney.

Once I was done singing to her she smiled. "That was really good." She said her eyes lighting up. "And you want to hear mommy's favorite part of the whole song?" I asked bopping her nose lightly. She nodded. "There are my words to you." I smiled. "You were born to dance to the beat of your own heart, roam without cages. With the innocence of a child, and the free spirit of untamed horses. I hope you laugh without stopping, live with abandon,and love like it's all there is. Stay wild, my wild wild child." I looked at her when I was done singing that one part and I knew she didn't understand. But I was okay with that. "Someday, I will say that to you again, and you will understand. But for now. I love you Addison. You're mommy's best friend." I said. She smiled. "Luhh you too mommy." She said putting her hand on my face. I looked at her and I started to cry. She eventually fell asleep, and I did too.