Entropy (WANGXIAN FanFic)

7 - Wei Wuxian's Honesty

Wuxian let out a sigh. He wanted so much to talk about his past, the time on the streets. He wanted to talk about how he can control resentful energy. Looking at Lan Zhan, Wuxian's nerves subsided little by little, but his thoughts still ran wild; question after question kept blasting past his brain, 'How can he keep me calm? I am about to tell him everything. What will he think of me? Will he try to kill me, or hurt me?'

"I guess I can tell you about the trauma first, since its a bit of a longer explanation, compared to the other half of me...Though even I don't really know if I have the guts yet to talk about it," Wuxian Stated.

"Just take your time, if you are uncomfortable talking about it you do not have to say," Lan Zhan reassured him, only leaving Wuxian to give him a quick nod as he tried to get his thoughts in order.

When Wuxian finally calmed his breathing and thoughts, he finally started to share, "Though it is probably a dumb fear for some people, and I get teased by it often by some of the disciples back home for it, I choose to ignore their taunting. I actually have a fear of dogs." Lan Zhan looked at Wei Ying slightly concerned. Such a powerful cultivator is sitting in his presence and he hears this is his biggest fear.

He kept quiet and continued to let him speak,"I am afraid of them because I witnessed my parents getting killed by some sort of fierce demonic wolf-like creature during a night hunt. I was hidden inside a hole within a tree, and my mother told me to stay put no matter what. I was only a small child, four or five years old.

The thing is, even though I was severely traumatized, I never cried, as I made a promise to my mother to not cry...After they passed, I stayed hidden for a good period of time before leaving and found my way into Yiling. There I became an orphan, a beggar. I went weeks without food and I even spent some days being chased by wild dogs for scraps of food that I managed to find. My grandmother found me knowing my parents had died, and she took me in. She helped me get through the trauma I gathered on the streets. Though I still have nightmares about my parents death quite often, I have been doing better for the time being. Although, I haven't had a proper night's sleep in almost three months now, as the last nightmare I had, really shook me."

Wuxian spoke of the truth of his fear for dogs. He looked at the tea set on the table most of the story as he spoke and had not taken a glance at Wangji. Wuxian closed his eyes, taking a couple relaxing breaths before opening his eyes and looked up at Lan Zhan. He did not know what kind of reaction he was going to get out of Wangji, but what he really did not expect was tears. He saw a lone tear escape from Wangji's eye as he looked at Wuxian in shock.

"Uh," Wuxian said looking down at his hands that were resting on his lap, "I didn't mean to make you cry. It happened a long time ago and I am sorry I put that burden of a story on you."

Wangji managed to compose himself after hearing Wuxian say the word burden. He did not think of Wuxian as a burden. Wangji had a feeling Wuxian does not want pity but Wangji can sympathize, as he lost his mother when he was younger. His mother passed away in a different way but not in such a trauma inducing way.

"It was not a burdening story, Wei Ying," Lan Zhan said softly, making Wuxian look up at him, "It was true. Although you promised not to cry, you should not suppress them. If you want to cry, you do not have to hide your tears from me. I will not judge you or complain."

Aside from his grandmother, no one has ever said something comforting to him in such a long time. Wuxian managed a nod and could not help but actually smile at the boy in front of him, "Thank you."

Lan Zhan nodded in return, "Do you want to share what else bothers you or do you want to wait?" he asked and took a sip of tea to calm him down a bit.

"I can tell you, if you have questions after I share, feel free to ask, but all I ask is that you do not judge me and you will not tell anyone else," Wuxian stated.

Wangji nodded, "I promise."

"Since you probably guessed, as I am Baoshan Sanran's grandson, I have surpassed cultivation and I have reached immortality," Wuxian told him, "My grandmother gave me a power suppression talisman to hide that I am immortal and gives off the appearance of me having a golden core instead of a silver core that immortals have."

"I have guessed yes," Wangji said and let him continue.

"Even before I reached immortality I was a cultivator who can control spiritual energy and resentful energy. Since I am now immortal, I can control resentful energy so well that it does no harm to me. I never use it for fun or to personally hurt someone, I have only ever used it to deal with fierce corpses and such that have been tainted by resentful energy."

"How do you control it?" Wangji asked.

"With Chenqing*," Wuxian answered and held up his dizi (Flute), "It's considered to be a spiritual tool, which is also known as a Ghost Flute. Similar to the Lan Clan techniques, it is all done through music and control of thoughts and emotions. Though the more angry I get, there is more of a chance of going out of control, which has never happened."

"Did you make Chenqing?" Wangji asked as Wuxian let Wangji hold and examine the flute, "No, it belonged to my mother. My grandmother helped her make it, but passed it on to me later. She helped me learn to control it so it would be easier to hide. Plus I can naturally just play the flute if I want to, nothing to control, just something to play and relax."

"Maybe we can play together sometime," Wangji said as he gave back Chenqing, "As I have guqin."

Wuxian nodded, "So are you okay with who I really am? I have to basically wear a mask when I am outside of Celestial Mountain."

"Do not have to wear a mask here in Jingshi," Wangji stated, "You can be yourself around me. I will not tell anyone."

Wuxian felt really happy to have met someone like Wangji. He has always heard rumors that he was emotionless. His face may seem as if it shows expression, but his eyes and his heart say differently. Just a nice talk with him now, telling him who Wuxian really was, telling Wangji about his biggest fear and seeing him cry; the rumors he heard, seemed to be completely false. Wuxian knew, just from this conversation, Lan Wangji, one of the Twin Jades of Gusu, was a misunderstood man by many people. Wuxian decided then, whether Wangji wanted to be or not, that he wanted to be friends and maybe when he feels more comfortable around the Jade, he can be more himself and bring his mischievous side back out.

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Chenqing - a Chinese transverse flute. It is as black as ink with a red tassel