Entropy (WANGXIAN FanFic)

A Brother's Warm Embrace

~*Lan Wangji's POV*~

I told Wei Ying I would meet him at the Jingshi after I speak with my brother after dinner. I had concerns about Wei Ying that I need to ask my brother for guidance, and advice on how I can help him. I know he is scared, as he should be, not one person has lived with the ability to control resentful energy, and if they could manipulated it in some way, they all ended in a miserable way. Knowing Wei Ying's life was at stake, it also scared me. My heart aches just at the thought of him dying, dead, and no longer in my life. I had a hard time with my mother's death, and if something happened to Wei Ying, I don't think I will be able to live myself. That is what scares me, his death, my death, and leaving my brother in such a mournful and painful way. 

I followed my brother to his place in silence trying to gather my thoughts. I could feel my brother trying to take glances at me, as he is able to read me like an open book. He has long become educated on how to deal with me and being so closed off with my emotions and feelings. He knows though, that I am still, after all, a human. I have thoughts and feelings, even though I do not show them very well, my brother is able to notice if I am hurting or uncomfortable. 

"Come and sit, Wangji," Xiongzhang said take me out of my deep train of thoughts. I had been standing at the door of his home and had not moved since he sat down at his normal place at his table and tea was being brewed. He gestured his head to the seat across from him to get me to sit down. I went over and slowly sat down. Xiongzhang noticed my nerves have been unsettled, "What's wrong?"

I looked at him and felt my heart starting to hurt just a little. I tried the best that I could to ignore it as I needed to get my words out. My brother was patient, he knows that it takes a moment for me to gather the words that I need.

"I am worried," I finally spoke, "Wei Ying is scared."

Xiongzhang kept his presence calm as it would not help for him to push the matter. He eased into the conversation and spoke with a gentle tone, "Why is Wuxian scared? What are you worried about?"

"Wei Ying told me that the more resentment he takes in, the chances for him to lose control increases. He knows the Yin Iron has a lot of resentment within just one piece, and he is afraid it will effect him," I explained and paused for a moment, "He asked me if he lost control and became demonic if I would kill him?"

My brothers expression now became a concerned one. He knows that one little mishap with resentment and it can be disastrous, "I know it is a what if scenario but would you if it came to that?"

"I do not know if I can," I said finally letting tears fall from my eyes, "How could I kill someone I love?"

"Sacrifice is something that anyone could make a decision for one day," Xiongzhang said, "let me rephrase the question. If the world was at stake and Wuxian was the one who could cause a calamity, would you do everything to protect one person you love so deeply, or would you take the ultimate sacrifice and kill him for the safety of the the people?"

He had a point, one person or millions of people...but how could anyone make that kind of choice, "I know the right answer is to protect the people, but my heart tells me that killing Wei Ying is not the right thing either...And he asked me out of all people, why would it be me to do it?"

"I don't know, maybe the thought of dying by his lover's hands is better than someone else's," Xiongzhang answered.

For the first time ever, I found myself slouching over and placing my elbows to the table and my face in my hands. I could not control my sobbing. 

'I will find a solution, Wei Ying," I thought, 'Maybe Baoshan found a solution."

I didn't know what was going on around me but I eventually felt a hand on my back and being pulled into a comforting hold. The last time Xiongzhang comforted me was when Wei Ying and I fought. I came to realize how much I loved my brothers comfort. I never found it in myself to say out loud to him either. Before I met Wei Ying, he hasn't help me and comforted my like this since out mother passed away.

"Your hugs are warm, Xiongzhang," I whispered. I didn't intend or expect him to hear but he did.

"You can have one any time you want, Wangji," He said holding me closer and a little more firm. 

"Should I talk with Baoshan?" I asked, "I will be meeting her soon."

"I think it is best to do so," Xiongzhang said, "She has been managing and tracking Wuxian's resentful energy for a long time now. She may know more that what we think."

I nodded and sat in silence for a bit. I was just enjoying the comfort of my brother, "He said he loved me," I finally said out of nowhere.

"Isn't that a good thing?" He asked, "Do you love him?"

"Yes, of course" I answered.

"Well, you two are engaged," Xiongzhang teased, "Who would have thought that you's find a partner before me?"

"Have you looked for one?" I asked, "I am sure there is someone who you would love and would love you like, Wei Ying and I love each other."

"I guess I have been more focused on the Sect to really look," He said honestly.

"You will find someone someday," I assured him.

"Love really changed you," He told me, "You have never been this open before."

I nodded and pulled out of his hold, "It does. I should get back to Wei Ying, he is probably wondering what is taking me so long."

"Did you tell you you were meeting me?" 

I nodded as we stood up, "He knows."

"Alright, you should get to him, he probably need his partner for comfort if he is worried and anxious about something we don't have control or information about," Xiongzhang said walking me to the door.

I nodded and said my goodbyes before heading on my way. I worry, but I have to assure myself that is because he is my soulmate, I worry, but it is because I have doubts on my own abilities to keep my promise to protect him. I will be by his side and do everything that I can to be there for him. I normally walk at a steady pace on my way home, but for some reason, I went in a snails pace. I need to calm my doubts and worries. With Wei Ying already worried, how can I be of any comfort if I am full of anxiety and doubt as well? 

Stepping inside, Wei Ying was lying on the floor on his stomach, and his chin rested on his left arm while his right was handing Daiyu and Xiaobao some carrots. It was such a precious site, that I just had to take it in for a moment. 

"Wei Ying," I finally said in a calming tone. He lifted his head and looked at me with his heartwarming smile. That smile of his always makes me feel so warm on the inside and I can feel the butterflies in my stomach waken from the warmth, "Sorry I to so long."

"No worries, I was just spending time with the bunnies," He said and moved from his laying position to sitting cross legged on the floor. I set Bichen down on it's stand and went to sit beside him.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him.

"I am doing okay," He said looking at me, "I think."

"I spoke with Xiongzhang," I told him, "He suggestions talking with Baoshan to see if she has found any solutions."

He nods, "Do you think would see her first then? I know we said we would travel a bit before seeing her but maybe we should see her first," He suggested, "It might be safer, because we possibly will have other Yin pieces."

"I think it is best if we do," I answered, "I am not sure if it would be a good idea to have more resentment build up in you before we know if there is something we can do."

He laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around mine closest to him, "Okay," He said.

"Are you tired?" I asked.

"Sort of, but I can hold of until curfew," he said looking at the two little rabbits playing with each other, "They sure are brothers huh?" he says that watching the two tackling the other. I shook my head and couldn't help but stare at the two fuzzy balls rolling around Jingshi. It was a good distraction from either of us thinking what the future could possibly hold, especially for Wei Ying.