Forever With You

CHAPTER 22

As time passes by quickly, some things have changed for me. Unti-unti na akong nasasanay na ako lang, or I'm meaning na unti-unti na akong nasasanay na wala siya. We haven't talk, hindi ko rin siya nakikita. I don't know what went wrong to me and Paulo. Kung bakit bigla nalang kaming hindi nag-usap. He could've talk to me if there really is a problem between us, hindi yung ganitong biglang walang paramdam. Even Mom, hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses na niya akong natanong kung bakit hindi na pumupunta si Paulo sa bahay. I know her and Tita Grace always talk at hindi malabong mapag-usapan nila kaming dalawa.

But I'm looking at the brighter side now. I also focus on my priorities. I focus on what I have and what I want to do. Aside from my work at the office, ineedit at inaayos ko na rin yung story na nasimulan ko, especially now that it's nearing to its end. I've decided to not just keep it to myself so once I finished my story, I planned to publish it on a website for reading and writing which Bria suggested to me. Nacheck ko naman na 'yon last time, ayos naman.

It's almost three months... In that span of months, hindi ko maikakailang parang may kulang sa akin. Minsan isinasawalang bahala ko nalang yung pakiramdam na 'yon pero di ko pa rin maiwasan kahit anong pagbabaling ng atensyon ko sa ibang tao.

"Mahigit dalawang buwan nalang, aalis na siya..."

Jillian suddenly spoke while we're walking at the mall. Yes, magkasama kami ngayon. Lumalabas-labas na rin kami minsan, we're like friends already.

"Goodluck nalang para sa kapatid mo." sabi ko tsaka tumawa ng mahina.

Tuloy na kasi yung pag-alis ni Jeff. He will leave the country on the first week of November. Pupunta siya sa relatives nila sa states, doon siya tutuloy hangga't nandoon siya.

"Matanong ko lang, kayo na ba? Or nanliligaw pa rin siya 'til now?" Jillian asked.

"Hindi, nanliligaw pa siya." mahinang sabi ko.

"Kailan mo balak sagutin? Tsaka, paano na kayo niyan pag umalis na siya?" she asked again.

Dahil doon ay saglit akong natahimik at nag-isip. Paano nga ba? "Uh... I don't know yet... Bahala na." sabi ko dahil totoo naman, hindi ko pa alam kung kailan ko nga ba si Jeff sasagutin. It's been four months since he started courting me and until now, wala pa ring pagbabago sa status namin. Mabuti nalang at wala naman si Jeff ginagawa na ikinakapressure ko like pagtatanong o pangungulit kung kailan ko siya sasagutin, pasalamat nalang talaga.

"Inaasar ko nga 'yon minsan. Sabi ko hindi mo siya sasagutin." sabi ni Jillian tsaka tumawa.

But instead of laughing with her. Natigil pa ako saglit sa paglalakad tsaka napahawak sa braso niya dahilan para mapatigil siya at nagtatakang tumingin sakin.

My eyes landed on a familiar woman while we are here at the department store dahil nagtitingin ng mga damit na mabibili si Jillian.

"O-Oh, it's Ara..." Jillian uttered, I nodded my head. Maya-maya ay narinig ko siyang mahinang umismid. "Pake natin diyan. Let's go." she said as she was about to pull me with her pero nanatili ako sa pwesto.

"Parang... Parang tumataba siya?" I said, unsure. I looked at Jillian and she's also looking at Ara from head to toe.

"Oo nga noh..." aniya. "But the last time I saw her sa Boracay, yung dati lang naman yung katawan niya... Nakita namin siya ni Kuya noon, sa Boracay. I even told him that she's your ex bestfriend."

Hindi ako nagsalita at nanatiling nakatingin lang kay Ara. She's shopping some clothes, mag-isa lang siya.

But just a few minutes after, Jillian already pulled me with her kaya sumunod nalang din ako. Baka makita pa ako ni Ara, kung ano pang gawin no'n sakin. Remembering that we've ended our friendship because of her liking my bestfriend and because she's damn pissed off of me, baka hanggang ngayon di pa rin siya maka-get over doon.

"Matanong ko lang, sasama ka ba kay Jeff?" maya-maya'y tanong ko kay Jillian habang nasa counter na kami't nakapila.

Umiling lang siya. "I'll stay here. Anong gagawin ko kasama siya? Bubwisitin ko ba siya para makumpleto araw niya?" aniya't tumawa. Natawa nalang din tuloy ako. Si Jillian talaga...

Pauwi na kami pero imbis na mag-taxi nalang ay pinapunta pa ni Jillian ang kapatid niya para sunduin kami. Tuloy ay nagkita kami ni Jeff at hinatid nalang nila ako sa bahay.

"Anak, you're here, sayang at di mo naabutan si Paulo."

Pagkauwi ko sa bahay ay iyon agad ang bungad sakin ni Mommy na siyang ikinagulat ko.

Galing dito si Paulo? Bakit? Himala ata.

"Galing din kasi rito ang Tita Grace mo. Sinundo lang niya si Mama niya. Sayang nga at di mo naabutan, di kayo nagkita man lang." paliwanag ni Mommy.

I looked down a bit as I avoided my gaze at Mom. Mukhang wala namang nasabi si Paulo sakaniya na kung ano kaya kalaunan ay nagsalita ako.

"Okay lang, My. Kamusta po pala siya?" tanong ko. "I mean sila po ni Tita Grace, kamusta po sila?" pagtatama ko sa tanong ko.

Mom smiled a little as she gently caressed me on my arm. "They're okay... He's okay, don't worry." she said so I just smiled a little too. "Saan ka nga pala galing?" kalaunan ay tanong niya.

"I just went to the mall, Mom. Kasama po yung kapatid ni Jeff." I answered her.

Mom just nodded her head after. And since it's already dinner time ay sabay na rin kaming kumain ng hapunan.

It was Saturday evening already when Jeff and I went out again. We just had a simple dinner at a rooftop bar and restaurant. And when while we are having our desserts, he suddenly spoke.

"So... What are you feeling right now?"

"Busog." agaran kong sagot.

Hindi ko alam kung anong meron sa nasabi ko at bigla siyang natigilan at natahimik. And when I looked at him, his lips are lightly parted open and he's looking at me unbelievably.

Hala, anong meron? Sinabi ko lang naman na busog ako, ah.

"Not that, Bianca." he said few moments after.

My brows furrowed a bit.

What does he mean then?

He then sighed as he speak again. At doon ko lang narealize kung tungkol saan yung tinanong niya.

"I'm asking you what are you feeling now towards me... Don't answer me that you're comfortable with me cause it's pretty obvious. Please, you know now what I mean."

I stopped for a while and stare at him for a moment.

"I..." I nervously uttered then I gulped.

Napakurap-kurap ako tsaka napaiwas ng tingin sakaniya. Hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko.

My mouth was parted open a bit but no words came out from it. I realized I had nothing to say because I don't know how to answer him so I just shut my mouth.

Nakakahiya...

Now I'm thinking about the decisions that I made, especially this one. Tama ba 'tong desisyon kong 'to na payagan at hayaan siyang ligawan ako? Na alam ko na sa sarili ko simula't sapul palang na wala 'tong kasiguraduhan. Na hindi ko alam kung masusuklian ko ba o hindi ang nararamdaman niya.

I gave him my one last stare at that night. I can still see hope in him. Umaasa siya... Naghihintay siya...

We parted ways that night with him getting no answer from me.