Danganronpa: Komm Susser Tod

Monokuma Theater 3

Monokuma Theater 3

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Monokuma: Am I going to get rudely cut off again this time? No? Excellent! As you may know by now, this is my Monokuma Theater: where I not only recount what I have had the honour of witnessing with my own two eyes, but also get some time to deliver a long-winded anecdote about anything that is bothering me right now! The first thing on my checklist is... let's see... the recap, of course! Let's get that out of the way, right now!

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The Killing Game continued to take its toll upon those still remaining, especially Iori Jabami, the Ultimate Snake Charmer, and Mayu Ikezawa, the Ultimate Go Player. Nevertheless, Reiji Suzuki, the Ultimate Cameraman, kept his sights on the increasingly violent actions of Tetsuo Garcia, the Ultimate Luchador, alongside the strange behaviour of his old flame, Homura Yamaoka, the Ultimate ???. That led Mayu and Iori's issues to boil over.

For you see, Iori went mad, believing himself to be a god reincarnated! Under the delusion that he could do whatever he pleased, he not only convinced Mayu to attempt to take her own life, but he also took matters into his own hands and killed Shouko Nikaido, the Ultimate Sukeban! To make matters worse, despite Reiji managing to expose him, there was nothing to prevent Iori from evading execution!

Why? It turned out that Mayu was actually killed, by mistake, by her very own friend, Nanae Mochizuki, the Ultimate Baker, and due to the timing of both deaths, she was the one who had to pay, not that it didn't prevent Iori from getting a scalpel to the stomach courtesy of Ukyo Sakou, the Ultimate Paramedic. And poor little Nanae eventually ended up as one of the same treats she baked herself! I've gotta admit, she tasted delicious.

Oh, where was I? Yes, what will happen next? What will become of Iori, now a pariah amongst the entire group? Or Reiji for that matter, seriously injured for trying to break up a fight? And to what lengths will Tetsuo and Ukyo go to see justice served? Stay tuned, every single one of you bastards! Upupupu~

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Monokuma: That's a wrap! To be continued... immediately! I've got a long story to tell - dating back to some Greek bastard who made many such, what do they call it, fables? Yeah, fables. About animals and shit, just like me! Well, "The Tortoise and the Hare" isn't Greek to me, so I might as well read it out for you, 'cuz it's the perfect evidence for my upcoming point!

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A long time ago, there lived two animals: a tortoise and a hare. One day, the hare, as swift as the wind, challenged the slow and feeble tortoise to a race, confident in his own ability and intending to pull off a quick victory. However, as soon as he was halfway across the course, the hare was tired out, and went to rest underneath a tree.

Hours passed, and by the time the hare felt ready to run again, he discovered, to his surprise, that the tortoise had plodded right up to the finish line. But that's not the end of the story, oh no. The next day, a mighty hunter with a rifle came to the clearing, intending on catching a hare for his dinner. Predictably, the hare ran as if his life depended on it.

But the hare, once again, quickly grew exhausted, and stopped at the exact same tree he slept under yesterday. That was of no concern to the hunter; as the hare slept, he quietly went up to him, aimed his rifle, and shot him dead between the eyes! The end, ahahahaha!

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Monokuma: So, what have we learned from this? Slow and steady wins the race. Or that it's no good to try and overwork yourself. Or that burnout is one sick motherfucker! That's the messages I'll be leaving you off with for today, so...

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Monokuma: I will see you next time! Which will be... whenever I feel like it! At least I won't spend nearly a decade on some half-baked game...

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Monokuma Theater 3, End