REGINA

25. Guilt

The sun had set and the arena filled with darkness as I sat there with Marce for hours now. I expected Lucas' guards to come and throw me away. I had killed their royalty and yet they didn't come. I was expecting to die with her as the guilt of killing the person who was there for me when I  was at my lowest was making me regret being a warewolf, being an Alpha. Alphas are like kings right? Wasn't it my duty to save the good people? Why did I kill a person who did nothing wrong in the first place? Was the competition this important that my wolf didn't hesitate an inch to pierce her canines into a familiar person's neck? Wasn't she able to recognise her? I was angry at my wolf but I was angry on myself more cause I failed to keep my wolf in control. I do not deserve to be an Alpha.

"Fiona," Marce's cool voice fanned my ears. "We need to go. It's already dark."
"I can't leave her."
"They won't allow you to see her."
"She'll live right?"
There was a pause for a moment. I could hear him gulp even if I wasn't looking at him.
"Yeah she will. See she was a special wolf too and....and ...she must have a fast healing ability....because...because....she is a warewolf. She'll live."
"I want to see her." My voice was just a mere whisper but it was loud enough for Marce to hear.....and for someone else too.
"Oh you killer! You didn't leave our lands did you? What do you plan on now? Kill me?"Lucas' voice boomed into the then calm arena. I kept my eyes on the ground. I wanted to tell back at him. I hated him but and I didn't want him to treat me like this but I kept shut and took his insults. After all I was the murderer of his sister.
Marce's grip tightened around my arms as we saw the lights of the arena lit up as the Alpha of Cannibals came into view.
"Look Lucas. You too know it was a mista-"
"Shut up!" He hissed," this slut just killed my sister! I didn't get the chance to meet her for years now and when I finally did, this so called the Alpha of prestige just took her away from me!" Tears streamed down his ghostly white face as he held an accusing finger at my face.
"Sh-she didn't live?" I gulped, my throat hurt due to lack of lubrication.
He took a step towards me, his face dangerously near mine as he snarled at me, showing his perfect white fangs. Marce placed a hand on his chest to warn the about the distance but Lucas threw a nasty glare at him
"Why? Do you plan on killing her if she did?" He spat with anger.
"Back off!" Marce said with his teeth gritted.
"She should have backed off when she knew Laila already lost!"
"She doesn't have a control on her wolf!" Marce defended.
"Oh and she plans on being the Alpha? Bullshit! She can never become a trustworthy pack member let alone an Alpha! She'll kill her own people cause her wolf  is a vicious hungry animal who knows how to kill and drink their blood. She's a monster and us Alpha's cannot tolerate a monster who kills weak people!" He spat with disgust. The word "monster" felt cruel to hear yet I was sure that I was one. I had killed a person, a mere human before. Now I have killed my sister. I am incapable of becoming someone trustworthy because I don't know how to control my wolf.

"Enough!" Marce yelled at Lucas who just led an angry snarl.
" I am letting you go this day but trust me I'll strike at your pack when you'll be all happy and unaware. I'll strike and kill you, Fiona with my own hands." With that he walked away as two guards threw our bags at our feet. As soon as they were gone, Marce picked me up bridal style and seated me inside the jeep. He returned after a short while with our bags and turned on the engine.
"She's alive." He patted my hand.
"No Lucas said she's dead." My face held a blank expression.
"She's alive. Trust me." With that we drove out of Cannibals pack and after a few hours reached our lands. My dad was waiting at the gate for us and as soon as I stepped down, he hugged me. That was enough for me to cry my lungs out. I cried, the night sky filled with my cries as I mourned my friend, my sister's death.
"Wh-hat will I tell her m-mom?" I cried but no one answered. I just felt rhythmic pats on my back. No one said a word as I cried my eyes out. The entire place was silent and people of my pack came out to see me.
I felt like my skin was burning as I had led them down. No Alpha kills a wolf in a competition. I turned silent after sometime. My eyes were dry and my throat refused to produce any sound. That was the cue for my dad to take me inside. He told a maid to clean me up and made me drink some water. He bought some soup but I refused to eat so he let me sleep. I couldn't sleep for hours. The sun rose and sank but I refused to sleep, nor get up from the bed. The maid would occasionally give me something to drink. On the third day of Laila's death, I fell weak and slept for hours. I woke up after two days to see Marce seated beside me, his hands lightly stroking my hand veins which popped due to no food. I lived on liquid food.
My eyes were heavy and keeping them open irritated them.
"Hey." He said softly, removing a strand of hair from my face.
"Hi" my voice cracked and my throat hurt. He immediately made me sit up and have some warm water. As I finished he didn't say anything but drifted towards me. He removed the blankets and sat near me. He gently lifted my now fragile body and made me sit on his lap. With one hand he placed my head on his chest and with the other he held my back, drawing small circles on my bare back.
"You know I missed you but I couldn't come."
I didn't say anything. I just inhaled his fresh smell which seemed to calm me down.
"You know they didn't hold a funeral for her."
I exhaled, closing my eyes as Laila's face came into my mind, stinging my heart.
"That means she's alive."
"She isn't. Maybe Lucas plans on attacking us and then plan her funeral.....as a revenge." My voice was nothing like before yet I was able to say something.
"About that....maybe he'll attack. We need to gear up." He said, his hand lightly stroking my hair.
"I won't be able to fight." I said.
"You have to. You are the Alpha."
" I already lost that position when I killed my own family." I said as a tear streamed down my cheek. Marce lightly wiped it for me and smiled.
"No. You did what was she asking for. She provoked you."
"But that doesn't mean I'll kill her."
"It was one time!" He tried to reason.
"You cannot take the risk. It might happen again. What if....what if I killed my own pack members?"
I looked up at him. His eyes held a blank expression.
"But you need to be there for your people...if not as an Alpha....but surely as the daughter of an Alpha who would fight to keep his pack safe. You should help knowing your father will be involved....he's getting older now." He said, the last words making my heart sting again. What if something happens to my dad? All this because of my stupid wolf.
I remained silent and that was the cue for Marce to drop the topic.
" Shall I make some chicken for you?" He smiled warmly. How can he be kind to a murderer like me?
"What about chicken soup?" He looked at me, his eyes coaxing me to answer.
"Okay." I said bluntly as I snuggled closed to him, drawing the warmth from his body, I hid my face into the crook of his neck and he smoothed my hair for me. He relaxed and let himself slump on the headboard of the bed and we stayed like that for almost an hour. He then decided to cook for me and I took the warm shower for the first time in five days. I had been cruel on myself that I told the maids to give me ice cold water for bathing and the warm shower after days made my body relax. I slumped down on the bathroom floor, crying and weeping as I remember those cold days when Laila used to bring warm food made by her mom so that I don't sleep without having a meal cause I would be lazy to cook. Why her? What was her fault? Why Laila? Why did you have to step down in the first place?
Marce was kind enough to let me eat in my room with him as he rambled about how he used to cook initially and now he's almost a certified chef.
"Do you like it?" He asked as he placed a piece of chicken tonkatsu on my plate.
"Hmm....thank you for cooking for me." I smiled at him. He was being so kind and gentle with me that my heart sobbed for him. He is showing sympathy to a murderer who should have been into punishment.
"I'll always cook for you." He smiled back and pecked my forehead before heading and cutting the pieces for me. I ate properly for the first time in five days and my guilt slowly started lessening. He stayed with me the entire day as he helped clean my room and set my clothes aside. He would continuously ramble about his cooking ideas and his passion for cars and I would listen. I knew he was trying to keep me engaged. He wasn't the kind to talk so much.  He was more of a listener yet he was trying hard to keep me occupied so that I don't drift back into my guilt. Laila was there in my mind all the time. Even if I wanted to forget....I can't. She's been there for me all the time. The memories of her getting panicked cause I disappear without telling her. At school she would beat those who tried to bully me and on our way back she would buy me candies even if I didn't want her to. When she got into a relationship I got furious thinking she might leave me but she made a promise to keep me on the top of her priority list .... always. And what did I do to return her favour? I killed her cause she provoked me. If only I hadn't listened to her. I was blinded by the Alpha position that I forgot about my own family. Am I this weak? Is my wolf this weak that it has to kill someone just because it was provoked? Can't it distinguish between family and enemies? Is it really hard? I was loosing my mind  thinking about how I killed her. What did she do to deserve this? It wasn't her fault that she loved me and didn't want me to loose but I forgot that a position is not bigger than my family's life yet I killed her in hunger for that position. If only I wasn't blinded by anger,she would have been alive now.

My eyes became watery as I wiped them away. Marce was quick to wrap his arms around me. Without a word he let me cry, tracking a soothing hand down my back. I sniffled into his chest and sobbed.

This is going to kill me.
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Hi everyone! It's the author here.

I would like to apologize for the late and irregular updates for this book. It's that I am a student and I don't get much time to timely update the book.
I can update it in a short period of time but I wanted to give some time to it so that it turns out good. The thing is I do want to set a time and update it but the circumstances aren't allowing me to have much of spare time and I am not happy about it although I don't have a choice other than to keep with my work and try to figure out more ways to get time to publish the book.
Ah well it's going to be a few more chapters (probably more:)) for it to finally get completed. Till then whoever is reading....thank you for choosing my work even when it's an incomplete book. Thank you for being on this journey. I would finish the book as soon as possible. Till then
Happy reading.

Thank you :-)♥️