All I Want Is Everything

Finding Life

She's got style, that woman
Makes me smile, that woman
She's got spunk, that woman
Funk, that woman
She's got speed, my lady
Got what I need, my baby
She's got the ability, hey
To make a man out of me

But most important of all
Let me tell you

The lady's got balls

AC/DC, She's Got Balls

A few days before Christmas, Ella plopped down in the comfortable chair across the desk from her agent. "How are you doing since the end of the tour, Ella?" Loki asked.

"Good," she said brightly. "Caught up on my rest, poked around my house, went to parties, applied to take classes at a few local colleges. Sent my cousin a Christmas present." Loki looked startled.

"Classes?"

"I feel mentally sluggish, so I thought that sharpening my mind will be beneficial. My mom, rest in peace, was a fine woman and good mom, but she was so busy that she wasn't the best cook, so I'm hoping to take cooking classes at Mission College. I've been having appointments with a nutritionist, and a doctor said that my knee is fine now, so I want to take dance classes at Harbor College. And I'd like to broaden my musical abilities, so I had an appointment with the admissions department at UCLA. I want to learn about production, sound engineering, more about the music industry, and I can find tutors there to learn piano. And explore music, broaden my style. 'Gravity' made me realize that I can do a lot more outside what I've been thinking about as my wheelhouse, and musical sounds constantly change. If I want to remain musically relevant, I have to evolve too."

"Well," Loki's elegant eyebrows rose. "That sounds very interesting. And forward thinking."

"I don't know how long my performing career will last, or how long I'll want it to. I have to have backup plans, and right now my stock is high because of the Grammys and the MTV awards. I got a really late start and missed admissions deadlines, but they're going to think really hard about not admitting me. I have piles of money, net, after that tour, platinum records, and some influence." She'd won "Best Female Video," "Video of the Year," "Viewer's Choice," and been included in "Best Group Video." She'd been performing that night and hadn't had to go to the ceremony.

"Well done," Loki beamed at her. "I know it was extraordinarily painful, but you are right where you deserve to be right now. You've worked hard and made the most of everything." Ella nodded.

"I feel that what I can achieve on my own is much more than I could as a member of the group. Being kicked to the curb almost killed me, but I really feel like it was the making of me. I had to find my backbone, chart my own course, make my own decisions. I had you and others to help, but I think that they actually did me a favor. Not that I'd tell them that, I don't know that I can ever actually forgive that. All these plans are kind of self-indulgent, but if I don't take care of myself, I can't tour. Just the improvements in my diet that I've been making have made me feel much better, physically. I even stopped using coke." Loki choked.

"I didn't know that you'd started. I'm glad you quit, and I hope you stay off it. Drugs are the ruin of musicians."

"Well, I see that a lot of friends and acquaintances I have among musicians have bought into the 'live fast, die young' theme or they're just living it up on their wealth, not thinking too much about the future. I don't want my money dissipating up my nose, I don't want to kill myself with an overdose, and I'd like the long-term consequences of my career not to be too harmful. I met with my financial advisor here to discuss more investments, and I also got a recommendation for a psychoanalyst. I have a lot to go through, and I want to be facing forward, not tangled up in the past." Loki nodded approvingly.

"Good for you. What are you doing for Christmas?" He changed the subject.

"Sammy's gone back to Louisiana for some family time, so I've ordered a turkey breast and some sides for myself. I can make a mean cookie for dessert. I put up a tree, got some ornaments, but left plenty of room for gift decorations." She beamed. "What are you doing?"