All I Want Is Everything

Face to face

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I have said too much, been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies...

The Cure, Boys Don't Cry

Ella mostly listened to Strange and Rhodes speak and answer questions from Mr and Mrs Barnes, a few from Bucky. Finally Bucky said that the idea of more surgery was a concern and he'd need to think about it. Mrs Barnes drew breath to argue, but a flat stare from Strange shut her up. Ella wished that she had that kind of power.

"Before I make a decision, I need to talk to Ella," Bucky said. "Alone." Strange and Rhodes nodded, gathered their things. Rhodes squeezed Ella's arm on the way out. "You too, Mom and Dad," Bucky said. "I need to have a personal conversation, which is two people, not four."

"I want to know what she says," Mrs Barnes said stubbornly. "I'm invested in your health and happiness."

"I appreciate your care, Mom," Bucky said carefully. "But you don't get a say over everything in my life now just because I was stupid and had an accident." Mrs Barnes looked highly offended, which amused Ella although she kept a straight face.

"All right, Bucky, but we'll be just outside if you need us," Mr Barnes said, eyeing both his son and Ella. "Winnie. Come on." Mrs Barnes got to her feet reluctantly.

"Don't you dare try to talk him out of this," she whispered savagely to Ella on the way out. Ella looked at her in dislike but didn't say anything. Mr Barnes hurried his wife out of the room before the antagonism could flare. Ella shut the door quite firmly behind them, but there was no lock. Bummer.

"Ok, what did you want to talk about?" Bucky's arm twitched toward the chair his father had been sitting in, on the side of the bed farthest from the door. Ella rounded the bed, turned the chair toward the bed, and perched.

"I haven't had a moment's peace since I woke up here," he said quietly. "And it's not just my mind going over what happened. My parents are always around. I know they care and want what's best for me, but they're acting like I've acquired a permanent mental disability. The concussion's healed, there's no residual brain damage, they said. But that's not your problem." He sighed. "So really, why did you agree to help on this project? And in your opinion, do you think it's possible? I certainly understand why you'd hate my guts, but I think you'd be straight with me."

Ella considered him. He looked tired and beaten down under all the bruises and cuts, but he was pretty lucid. "Your parents came to see me." She thought a moment. "Your mom was like, out of control, way out of line, but your father had some different insights. And what really sold me was that if we can pull this off, you'll be the first beneficiary of new technology but not the last. The doctors and I have agreed to patent the technology together and make it available to other users on a sliding scale. We might also be published, and it's probably my only chance to do that. Will it work? I have no idea, really." She chewed her lip. "Strange has had success with the interface with the natural and his artificial nerves. With rats, sure, but it's still an organism. Dr Rhodes is doing the sensors that will provide feedback to your nerves, and he's got buddies in DARPA and NASA, so I feel pretty good about that. He was in the Air Force before finishing up in DARPA, he wants to be able to help vets with this tech too. He's at Cal Tech now, so we have really good resources available."

"But why you?" His voice wasn't pissy or angry, so she decided to answer.

"They need somebody to design and help fabricate everything else. The external appearance, everything underneath that will allow your fingers and thumb to grip, your wrist to rotate, and your elbow to move. Plus although I'm not a drummer myself, I do have insight into what you do and I can get data about the stresses you put your arms through. My goal is to get you to be able to play with two hands again. I think we have a really good chance here, but it's not 100%. And in case we don't succeed, I want to have been realistic from the beginning. I'm the weak link here, to be frank, I think they did want to avoid someone experienced who might make a power struggle, and they definitely don't want to involve other Cal Tech faculty because there could be issues with the patent application if the university thought it had a claim. And just in case we can't succeed—we'll be doing everything we can to make this work—I want you to be prepared. I don't think necessarily that you'd have to quit drumming. There have to be other drummers who don't have two hands, in all the history of drums. There have to be ways of making it work, just differently." Bucky nodded.