All I Want Is Everything

Personnel changes

We're all excited
But we don't know why
Maybe it's 'cause
We're all gonna die

And when we do (when we do)
What's it all for (what's it all for)
You better live now
Before the grim reaper come knocking on your door

Tell me, are we gonna let the elevator bring us down
Oh, no let's go!

Prince, Let's Go Crazy

Publicity was a lot harder today. Caffeine can only compensate for so much, and she felt depressed about Kevin. She should have checked on him more, she thought, but she'd wanted to respect his privacy, treat him like an adult, which he was. What a mess. And she was anxious about what the loss of her drummer meant to her tour.

It didn't help that word about his hospitalization had made the news, something that was made clear when the radio hosts asked about it avidly.

"I don't want to say much," Ella said, managing only a small smile. "I respect his privacy. I wish him only the best going forward." She wanted to burst into tears; she wanted to talk to Bucky but didn't know which studio he was at and didn't have the time to track him down. She had played phone tag with Loki, who said he was getting a statement from Kevin's rep to release, that he'd spoken with Nick, and it was going to be ok. She'd called back and approved a personal press release.

"What are you going to do for a drummer, Ella?" one of the DJs asked. "Are you going to postpone any dates?"

"Hopefully not," she said. "I don't think it's fair to the fans who have paid for their tickets and might not be able to make a different date. A lot depends on the new drummer. The label has one coming out to us."

"And you don't know who?" The DJ's eyes were bugging out.

"No, it's all happened so fast. I haven't been able to talk to people myself, I just know that Flerken's found someone to take over. They'll be here later today, so we'll be able to get rehearsal time in. See where we are." She smiled a little again. "The glamorous rock and roll lifestyle," she joked.

The pressure was getting to her. While the tour had been good up to this point, it was still stressful and produced strain, and she found herself wishing desperately for some coke. It was a lot harder to resist trying to find some than she'd thought, wanting that mood elevator, the marching powder. She had to spend a lot of energy reminding herself that she didn't have time to deal with a drug habit--she could see how exactly how easy it would be to use it as a crutch--and that it wouldn't be fair to her fiance to start using. They didn't need one recovering junkie with the other person becoming one. Still, it was hard not to wish for the confidence and pleasure that a good sniff of coke gave.

"It had to have stung when the Bangles were chosen for the "Less Than Zero" soundtrack," the DJ went on, and Ella controlled a snarl. It had, and people didn't seem to want to let this go. She didn't get along with the Bangles very well--they weren't nearly as fun as the Go-Gos were--and her ego had taken a spanking (and not a fun one.) It sucked even harder because they'd done a fantastic job with "Hazy Shade of Winter."

"Little bit," she acknowledged. "But I like their remake better than the original. It's a great track."

Ella often had a savage bit of fun with interviews like this, where asshole DJs or journalists wanted to provoke her to say something regrettable, something that would justify them getting on their high horse and poke at her inability to handle the stress, the lifestyle, interviews... sometimes those who can't do take out their lack on those who can, especially people who don't feel like a woman deserved her success. She always turned on the persona that she'd been brought up to have--a middle-class female, from a conventional but loving family (aside from an unfortunate twin thing,) well-educated, and a straight-laced business person. It frustrated these people no end that they didn't get a louche, addled, catty, careless musician that they could feel superior to. Well, guys could hump underage girls, treat groupies like conveniences, trash hotel rooms, be nightmares to work with, and be so intoxicated that they puked on stage or had to be carried off, but a woman can't get away that level of ...misdeeds. So she tweaked them by sounding as normal as possible, the literal girl next door. She was one of the few popular musicians liked both by younger people and their parents.