Dawn in Vancouver

Chapter 63: "Roller Coaster"

3/10 TO THE END

"...And I'm digging down holes without you, can't be on my own without you. I'm a little bit lost without you, without you"

"Without You" Oh Wonder

Lauren stopped her truck and took a deep breath feeling her hands shaking. She could admit she was really nervous. Lauren was one of those women who always took everything with a lot of confidence, but ever since her conversation with Camila, she was a bundle of emotions and didn't know how to react to this new call.

She closed her eyes and her heart pounded as she heard breathing on the other end of the phone.

"Hi Ryan," Lauren finally answered, holding her breath.

"Hello," was Ryan's soft reply on the other end of the phone, "How are you doing?"

"I could be better," Lauren replied softly. "How are you?" she asked, immediately regretting it as she knew it was a silly question.

"I can certainly say the same. I could be better," Ryan said painfully and Lauren felt like the worst person in the world.

"Ryan, I wanted to tell you things but I didn't get a chance to," said Lauren softly.

"Did you not get the chance or were you such a coward that you chose to hide it?"

Lauren didn't know what to answer and heard Ryan's wry little laugh on the other end of the phone. She felt bad about herself, a bad person.

"Ryan I..." Ryan interrupted her.

"I don't really want to talk to you about it," Ryan said quickly. "Even though right now I feel like I hate you and I better not even mention the woman who's sleeping with you, I watched the show. And I visited Jason."

"Are you in Miami?" Lauren asked worriedly.

"My parents are on vacation here in Miami," Ryan said softly, "I couldn't tell you because they called me when you were having your week of love with your lover and you weren't answering the phone," his voice sounded hurt. "Because of the lack of signal."

"Actually, the phone was down," Lauren said, looking down.

"When were you in or out of bed with her?" The question was hurtful and Ryan then regretted it, sighing when he heard no response from Lauren. "Look Lauren, I really just wanted to talk to you about Jason. No one seems to be finding out about things but I want you to know that he has a recording of what happened in that room. A recording that includes your two friends, you and the woman you're sleeping with."

"I know," Lauren whispered softly. "Patrick is here in Canada" Lauren looked down and her gaze met Camila's earring. Her eyes filled with pain. "The label wants to suspend my contract."

"Because of the photo?" Ryan asked in surprise.

"Because I'm...because I'm gay," Lauren whispered softly and Ryan closed his eyes on the other side, feeling a huge pain in his heart. A pain that surpassed the bruises on his face caused by Jason.

"Ya..." was Ryan's only response and Lauren's heart ached, "And how long exactly have you been gay?"

"My whole life," Lauren whispered in response. "I like men but I've always preferred women. I don't like to label myself but if I have to choose between the two sexes I prefer women."

"While still married to me?" Ryan asked softly and then laughed before giving Lauren a chance to answer. "Obviously still married to me. If you slept with one in my own house."

"Well," Lauren said softly. "I'm sorry to tell you it's my house too."

"Of course," Ryan replied sarcastically. "I'm sorry I forgot for a moment that you own everything that's ours. Of course, saying "ours" is a bit much since there was never an us. You only used me so that the people around you wouldn't know your fervently guarded secret."