Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

Bloody Note

 

  October 2016, Oulu

The day we're gonna release our first album is here, even if actually it's gonna happen in the midnight so the day is gonna change. I'm so excited about this and I also needed to think and work on something else so I can take Kristy out of my mind.

Most of time I was making it since I was kept busy with Joonas And it also worked when I was thinking about lyrics for songs but in the end my mind returned back at her. A word that I came up with was enough to make me think about Kristy again. It's hard and I know that it won't be easy to get over her. And we didn't even start our thing.

Imagine if I had to leave her some months later. It would tear my heart apart.

I opened the windows in the guest room and let the sun storm in. It was a beautiful day and I'm in a good mood today.

Our dream is starting to come true slowly. We are going to show to the world our first album and how much we worked on it.

We would meet in the studio in the afternoon till the release and then as Joonas suggested we should have an after party, to celebrate about it.

Everyone was in, so I couldn't disagree.
Kristy would also be there. She's feeling better as I got to know yesterday from Niko. I couldn't call or speak with her and I don't think that she would even want this but today I have to see her.
Niko said that she's feeling less pain and can move without being hurt so she's gonna be there with us in the studio.

I can't lie that I'm happy to see her. As much as I know that I need to avoid her and leave her behind, I can't stop my heart beating fast when I get to know that I'm gonna see her again, I just hope that she will avoid me too and don't give me any attention. I don't deserve her time after what I did. So it's better like this. She probably doesn't even like me anymore.

"Morning" I said to Joonas who was running around the living room trying to find his shoes or jacket, I didn't understand

"Oh you woke up" he looked at me and stopped walking around like crazy

I wonder what is going on that he seems this worried and out of place. His jacket is infront of his eyes if he's looking for it. Maybe it's because he's anxious about how the album will go but it's better if I ask him so I make sure

"Anxious that today is happening the release?" He looked confused and finally saw his jacket and grabbed it to wear it

"We're not releasing the album today. Didn't Niko call you?" I shook my head.

Why not? What happened. It's something serious or else he wouldn't deny releasing the album today. He was as excited as we all are so I should also get worried now since I don't know what's happening and the looks and Joonas state are scaring me

"Kristy is in the hospital" the whole world stopped after this sentence. Why again? I didn't manage to protect her. I thought that what  I did would keep her safe. Johanna did what she promised. She put me on pain but not only me. Kristy is suffering she's literally in a hospital room and I don't even know if she's okay or not

I didn't say anything to Joonas but just run in the room I was staying in and grabbed the first shirt that I found infront of me and wore it. I run back in the living room and put my shoes and jacket on.

"What are you waiting for?" I looked at Joonas and grabbed his car keys

He looked amazed and shocked by how fast I got ready but I can't waste a second in here when I don't know how she is. Fuck everything. Fuck what I said. I won't stay away from her and won't avoid her now. Not when she's in the hospital because of my ex. Because of me.