Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

A Guy?

 
   March 2019, Helsinki

The whole night i didn't manage to get much sleep.
All those thoughts didn't allow me too.

I was trying to find an explanation or a reason of why would Kristy lie to me while she was sleeping peacefully next to me.

I hope and wish that it is nothing serious.
I really do and i also wish that i wouldn't get this worried because I'm again overthinking everything and even if i want to stop thinking about it again and again, it just doesn't leave my mind.

Sometimes the most dumb thing can happen and i will overthink about it for over a week.

The next morning we shared a breakfast and before she left for work she made sure to ask if i would go in the studio and if i would stay for too long today.

"Probably till late again, unfortunately" i told her while I was sipping in my coffee

Now i was lying to her too but i was doing this for good.
Yes i would go in the studio but i would come back early and go to pick her up from work so we can go and eat out together.

In some way i wanted to catch her out of guard but i also needed to spend this alone time somewhere with her and maybe this way and there we can clear out everything.
I'm gonna ask her and she's gonna explain everything.
I believe that she's not a cheater but i want to know why she's lying.

"I will see you in the evening then" she wore her coat and grabbed her bag

"Love you" she kissed me and walked away

"Love you more" i hope that she heard me before closing the door and i also hope that she keeps in mind that i do love her more than anything in this world.

The next few hours were spend in the studio with Joonas and Aleksi while we were working on the song that we would need to release in a few days.
Only the final details were left.

Even if there were a lot of moments that as usual i zoned out and travelled on this dark planet where my thoughts were moving around like meteorites.
Fast, not letting me any moment to rest or think making me end up with the worst results.

We all decided to go home early since they both needed to rest because they've been working nonstop those last days.
I doubt if they've managed to get any proper sleep.

So it's better if they rest and i also get to stay alone for a bit to rethink about everything even if i don't know how good or bad this is.

"See you tomorrow again guys" Aleksi said when he finished packing his laptop in his bag and he got up.

We wished Aleksi a good night and I left with Joonas since we drove together here when we came.

As the classic Joonas that he is he suggested that we get some beers at his apartment but i had to decline for today.
It was already half past five which meant that i didn't have a lot of time to rethink everything actually and that if i would do what i planned yesterday i had to be at Kristy's work place in half an hour.

"Another day, you should get some sleep" i told him and made him walk inside

He actually needed to sleep.
The dark circles under his eyes were showing a lot and he was tired.
And after all the hard work he deserves to rest for at least some hours. 

I walked inside my apartment and immediately walked in the shower.
It would refresh my mind and thoughts, unfortunately it didn't manage to wash them away or drown them and the fact that Kristy did lie couldn't move out of my head and it was the thing that kept all the thoughts alive.