Still I Can Feel You - Joel Hokka

I Would Kill For You

November 2019, Helsinki

It's been one month since Aleksi officially joined our band and we still are working a lot in the studio, so we can manage to have our album ready on time.

Thankfully this last week I'm not needed a lot in the studio because most of my parts are ready and i prefer to spend a bit more time at home and go in the studio to help them later.

At least those days i manage to have some more time with Kristy and i should thank the guys for this.

Those days they always send me home early in the afternoon so i can get some time for myself and Kristy.
They say that I've done a lot the last month and i should relax a bit.
It still feels like something is missing though.

Today i had a day off and so did Kristy.
I would go in the studio in the afternoon and she also had something planned with Minna.

As always i had woken up before her but i didn't move out of bed.
I preferred to stay next to her and admire the way that she was sleeping.
Her chest moving up and down with every breath that she took.
Her eyes closed and her hair laying on the pillow.
She was smiling which meant that maybe she's seeing a good dream.
She can tell me if she wants to when she wakes up.

I decided to stay silent though and just look at her.

I placed my chin on my palm and smiled.

Always the same thoughts.
How i got so lucky? We've been together for so many years and it still feels like we got together yesterday.
Every day it's like our first day together.
Every single kiss feels like our first one and this feels so good.

"I'm gonna start thinking that you are planning to kill me If i wake up one more day and find you staring at me like this"  she said with her eyes closed after twenty minutes passed.

The days that I've been going late in the studio i always wake up before her but end up just looking at her and going no-where and she always finds me this way.

I know that she's joking and she knows how much i love seeing the way that she's sleeping.

"I would kill for you but never kill you" i smiled at her and she turned around and opened her eyes, now facing me

"I always love the ways that you say good morning" she moved closer and i gave her a kiss.

The thing that makes my day.
Kissing her is so addictive and it's so hard to stay away from her lips.
They are like my drug and every kiss is like it is taking me so high and it makes me so happy.

The fire she has inside her always melting the ice inside me.
She sets my heart on fire.
A fire that isn't burning and killing me but it is awaking every good feeling that a person could have.
Every loving thing that i could feel and think about Kristy.
It always feels like she's the only person that is for me.
The only one that can manage to keep up with my behavior every day.
She makes me happy.
I was broken and she took every single one of my pieces and glued them back together and it worked because since that day they are still connected and as long as she's with me nothing is going to break and no piece will be missing.

"You know you were smiling before on your sleep" i looked at her curious "any dream?" I asked

She rarely smiled on her sleep and when it happened she would always have a dream to talk about.
I always loved the way that she described those good dreams.
They sounded  like they came out of a fairytale story.
What i hated was seeing her  jumping awake from her sleep, sweating and shaking from another nightmare.
Many nightmares caused by Johanna.
Especially when she left the clinic the nightmares happened every single night.
Those were from worst nights of my life and same goes for Kristy too.