⌁ Thunder ⌁ Lana Del Rey Fanfiction

chapter seventeen: sweet release

Note: Sexual content is marked between the ***'s in case you choose to skip!

I rested my head on Lana's chest as we nuzzled closely in bed. The restlessness had ceased within the both of us, but not our passion. Her hair, strewn and messy, tickled and itched my skin, but I was too comfy to even move. Her light and warm breaths trickled down on me as we only grew awake and aware of our actions by the second.

"Asleep yet?" She whispered, caressing my shoulder and arm.

"No," I replied while smiling. There was a momentary silence before I continued. "Is this what it feels like?"

"Hm?" She stopped her motion.

I pulled away and leveled myself upright on my elbow, meeting her eyes. "You know," I couldn't help but look away at anything but her.

"What? Being in love?" She giggled, and finally noticed I was filled with doubt and insecurity. She reached to grab me by my chin, and turned my head towards hers, effectively forcing me to meet her eyes. That stern look brought me back to planet earth every single time. "Do you love me?"

"...Yes." I said weakly. "I do. I love you." I said more firmly, hoping I sounded sure of my answer. The truth was, I was confident that what I was feeling was right. But my inexperience always made me doubt it all.

"Am I...the first person you've felt like this with?" That same stern look returned, except now it felt more like a curse.

I pulled from her grasp. "You are." I sat upright now and crossed my legs. I fumbled with my fingers in my lap. My fingers, my hands, they were always my last resort when I was nervous. This was always easy to catch onto by others.

Lana pulled herself up more and leaned back onto the headboard, wrapping the sheet closer to her. "Okay." She let out a sigh. I felt like she was disappointed, like she expected something more to work with. "So, you'd understand if I told you that you aren't my first?"

"I would." I glanced up to see her reaction, and found that she seemed to be ordering her thoughts as to what she'd lead on with.

"I'd always been in your position, you know." She glanced to me and finally both of us stayed connected. "It was always me. The inexperienced one as I tried to grasp what I received. The difference there is that it was just love in the moment for them. The men, and all. It was never intended to be permanent."

"But...How did you know you truly loved them?" I asked quickly, trying to find the tune of my own emotions, hoping on using hers for reference.

"Love is a personal truth. It's different for everyone. I only considered it real love until long after things had ended."

I thought hard for a while. "I know i'd do anything for what we have. I don't want this to just be in the moment."

She giggled before blushing. "First loves always hit the hardest, especially when it ends."

"I don't want it to end. I'll love you 'till the end of time." I replied sheepishly.

"Oh, I know you will." She rubbed my knee. "But when that day comes, you'll find someone else to love harder. You're young, and with ti-" I was quick to stop her.

"Don't. Not yet." I said defensively. This caused her to laugh.

"Okay. I won't." She smiled sweetly before intertwining our hands, and yet her remark about moving on after her, had stirred something in me.

I rolled my eyes and pushed her hand away, turning away from her a bit.

"You really won't let me finish?" She said seriously, nudging me a bit. I didn't budge.