⌁ Thunder ⌁ Lana Del Rey Fanfiction

chapter nineteen: flashback

Lana

Life was good, i'll admit-
But never how I dreamed it to be.

_____

There's so much I never discussed with her. I wish I could've explained it all to Alejandra sooner. If only she knew that the man from my past she saw me kissing, was the man I fell in love with eight years ago. And, the same one I had fallen out of love with just four years back.

...

New York City, 2014.

I worked tirelessly for the things I wanted. And that main thing, after so many years, was still music. I didn't mind running on 100 all the time like it'd be my last day on earth. I didn't mind working shift after shift just to go back home and prepare for small bar shows and singing competitions every Friday night. Matter of fact, I loved it.

Two years had passed since i'd gotten my doctorate in Philosophy. I was twenty nine. I really only continued to study because I loved the life I was living—the culture, the downtown scene. New York City. The city that never sleeps.

Things seemed to finally be settling into their place. I had been going back and forth between record labels for years, who were interested in signing me. I was starting to simmer on the edge of recognition. And finally, the biggest one of them all had reached out for a meeting. Interscope Records. They wanted to fly me out to California, and see me in person.

And so I did. The night before my morning flight, I was a bundle of nerves. My little sister Chuck tried to rest them. It was late, and we were at our small but cozy apartment in Manhattan.

"This is big." She said dramatically, placing her hands on my shoulders and leaning over me while I sat in our couch. I closed my eyes and sighed. "But you've got it. I believe in you."

"I'm just so scared of fucking it up," I opened my eyes to see Chuck rolling hers. "You know how bad my anxiety gets..."

"You've been practicing for years, it should come off easy by now. Just do what the people have liked so far, and if they're more than just men in suits, they'll see the magic." She giggled and plopped down on the couch with me, wrapping her arm over my shoulder and hugging me from the side.

I eased into it and stared into space, trying to rearrange my thoughts. "I should be rehearsing right now, shouldn't I?"

"Maybe." She mumbled. I jumped up from the couch and started to pace back and forth, regulating my breaths and running through a few scales with my voice. I glanced to Chuck, who gave me a look of support. I smiled and kept on.

By the time I started to feel the strain in my throat, it was a little past midnight. Chuck had dozed off on the couch, resting peacefully. She loved to fall asleep listening to my soft melodies, constantly saying I had the voice of an angel. She was always my biggest supporter.

That very next morning, I took a 10:00 am flight on a private jet to Los Angeles. I was familiar with the process—it wasn't my first time flying for meetings. Some took me to London, others to San Francisco. But they all ended in untimely goodbyes with no concrete deals for my musical career.

In a matter of hours, I landed. They booked me a room at the Chateau Marmont and a chauffeur picked me up from the airport in a shiny black Cadillac just to take me there. All expenses paid was really no joke.

LA was beautiful, and from the second I felt the air on my skin, I knew the city inspired me and filled my soul with light. New York was beautiful too, but this, this was something different. The Golden State felt magical.