⌁ Thunder ⌁ Lana Del Rey Fanfiction

chapter thirty: tense

While my vision straightens out from the hours of rest, my mind follows along inevitably to the remembrance of the night before.

I would've given anything to feel the way I feel right now in all of these months that we've been so far apart.

I've never thought I could be deserving of it, this love, and even more so when the person who makes my heart flutter is someone so divine, otherworldly, and so perfectly...perfect.

Am I changing?

I'll admit that on some days, I just want to drift off of the face of the planet and never have to come back. Sometimes I feel as if I have no reasons to stay in one place, and no reasons to ever stop moving.

Not quite disappearing, just—moving on.

Moving forever. Moving like I can be everywhere at once, without ever feeling like I leave parts of me behind.

The past. Can we ever escape it?

But in moments like these? Well, it'd be hard to want to take myself in spirit there. Maybe it's the fact that I finally feel like I can stay in one place, because the reason for staying is this love that takes me whole.

This love that I've only ever felt for one person.

The stillness, it's so peaceful. Only because I'm passing through this ever-passing time doing nothing alongside her.

In short, some people love being in love more than they love the people that they're with.

On thoughtful, relaxing morning-afters in unfamiliar places like these, I come to the conclusion that that isn't the case for me at all.

Having Lana in my life is all I could ever want. From having her, and her having me, enjoying every second of this infinite dance of life, comes my love.

It's never been about the attention, about having someone close, or feeling afraid of ending the days alone—none of that at all.

I didn't search for the sweetness within her, for something to feel attracted to, I felt it spring out like a force binding me nearer the moment I laid eyes on her.

For what's felt like forever ago.

I didn't even force myself to fall in love, even though I've become hopelessly intertwined in the ropes of her sweet affection.

Everything just clicked into itself like it's human nature. Like we're destined to yearn for this special thrill that awaits us at the end of the day. Love.

She stirs in my arms under the white linen sheets. I smile as I plant a kiss into the soft nook between her neck and shoulder, tucking my arm under hers and pulling her closer against my chest.

I remember falling asleep hours earlier, with her arms wrapped around me. However this came to be, I don't care for it. Holding her, or her holding me, is perfect regardless.

"mmm," she groans, stirring even more. I can't help but chuckle softly at the thought of how adorable she is when she's sound asleep, and the difference in how lost and dreamy she seems when she's at the verge of waking up. "g'morning...?" she softly adds, furrowing her brows with the glint of sunlight in her eyes. Her cheeks are flushed, and her eyes still very much tired as always.

"Morning," I whisper, my voice cracking a bit.

She rubs at her eyes as she forces herself upright, which, because I hold her in my arms, forces me to pull myself away.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask casually, turning onto my side as I quietly run a trail with my eyes all over her.

Lana cocks her head to the side, her eyes softening as they connect with mine. She smiles with a slight chuckle, leveraging herself towards my lips by my chin, and planting a kiss on them while mumbling, "Like a baby." She adds a wink as she pulls her irresistible lips away.