⌁ Thunder ⌁ Lana Del Rey Fanfiction

chapter thirty-one: admittance

"What the fuck happened last night?" Zella whispers out loudly.

Her eyes are wide and she's dressed exactly the same as yesterday as I am too, and the both of us have that classic hungover disposition that no one can ever manage to hide.

Not knowing which of the many parts of the night I should answer for, and with my stress too high to deal with any of it, I press my back to the door and rub at my face as I close my eyes.

I hear Zella come closer. She laughs quietly, and I open my eyes. "You just disappeared. Let me guess, you left with Lana..?" She says cheekily.

"Where's Irene?" I reply with a slightly embarrassed edge, brushing off her words. My eyes trail up the stairs, and towards the hallway. That nervous feeling returns.

"Probably sleeping," Zella says, starting towards the kitchen again. I let myself catch my breath for a second. "She went all in yesterday after you left, so we probably won't hear from her until tonight." She chuckles, downing a glass of water.

I feel my expression wince. "Really?" I ask, trying to wrap my head around what 'all in' means, and if I have anything to do with it.

She was always the better 'good girl' between the two of us.

Zella nods, downing a second glass and gasping for air dramatically before explaining. "Yeah. Shit turned out pretty well last night, I didn't even think we'd have so much fun. You should've seen it, the place lit up. There was this group from some gang that got everyone pumped and we all started singing. Declan got a light show going and the place completely..."

I start to nod my head as if i'm listening once my mind clouds with my thoughts of yesterday.

The strange feeling of Irene's lips on mine. My heart dropped in that moment, like it sunk to the depths of the ocean and could never possibly reach the top again, no matter what.

What if this is the end?
She leaves, and then what?

She's the one thing connecting me back home. The one good thing that ever surged when I felt like I couldn't survive in the world. If it wasn't for her kindness, truth be told, I don't think I ever would've made it out to see the light of day. I love her so much, just like I love my life now.

But that's not the same type of love that I have for Lana.

I haven't thought on this hard enough. I feel like I need to be alone, like in some way, I need to freeze time just to be able to think.

"...doesn't that sound wild?" Zella finishes her story, smiling. I listened to her, but I didn't really listen. It's like when you hear a sound in the distance but don't focus in enough to know where it's coming from.

"Yeah," I nervously chuckle out, trying not to let off how much I don't know anything at all.

"Jameson sounds cool, doesn't he?" she asks again, more casually.

I wrap around her to grab a drink from the fridge. "Sure does." I mumble, taking a swig from the carton of juice directly.

"Great, because he doesn't exist. Were you even listening to me?" Zella raises her voice, annoyed. Shit.

I spin around to face her, dead silent. I have no excuses for my ignorance.

Except I do, I just don't want to hear them out loud.

Her eyes squint as they study my expression carefully. She relaxes with a sigh after a few seconds of silence. "Again. What the fuck happened last night?"

I put the orange juice on the counter, my gaze avoidant and my movements quiet. I pace to the living room, feeling Zella following right behind me. I take a leap onto the couch face-first, feeling the embrace that the cushioning swarms around me.