⌁ Thunder ⌁ Lana Del Rey Fanfiction

chapter twenty-two: nightmares

"P-please," I pleaded, choking on my tears. "Don't do it."

I was outside of Lana's apartment complex, and it was the same exact cold night as I remembered. Except I was adding to the moment with the things I wish I could've said and done.

If only I had known.

"Hmm? what did you say?" Her voice was faint, and it started cutting out. A slight static buzzed and it made my ears ring, making me clench my eyes shut tightly.

"Don't. Please." I repeated. The agony crushed my soul.

"Oh, honey...." Her voice suddenly boomed through loudly, like I could feel her voice within me. Speaking to me in a way that felt like she was in some part of my head. "It's too late."

She let a devilish, twisted, laugh out. It carved out a hollow void in my stomach as I felt my powerlessness grow exponentially by the millisecond.

The sound of a gunshot reverberated in my eardrums, like it was all unfolding right inside me. I had never felt so much physical pain overtake me, that all I could do was cry and yell out as loud as possible. Trying to run the fear and shock out of my blood.

And suddenly I was transported all the way to the bar, where Lana was kissing someone else, smiling and letting it turn more passionate, looking at him with those gleaming eyes she once gave me. My love was lost at sea, and she didn't bother to reclaim it. Instead, she took in his. And he took in hers.

I woke up. Panting and dripping in sweat, the darkness of my room frightened me so much to the point I scrambled to turn on my lamp. I could barely tell that what I had dreamt of wasn't real, the thick line was too blurred.

I had a nightmare of the worst kind. Too realistic for me to handle. I swiped my cheek and felt the dampness on my skin, but it wasn't just sweat. I had cried in my sleep. I kept thinking of how pathetic and depressive my life had become.

I tried to catch my breath, but my heart was beating far too fast and wouldn't slow down. It felt like it would jump out of my throat at any moment, and my lungs felt constricted. No amount of air could alleviate what I was feeling.

It dawned upon me just how badly my state of mind was. Just how crazy I was driving myself, that I couldn't even escape her grappling death in my dreams. I couldn't escape my heartbreak, either. My problems were piling up.

To try and fall sleep again felt like a mistake. And that little fear inside of me of accidentally stumbling into my nightmares ever again was too strong.

I checked the time. 4:53 am.

"Shit," I mumbled to myself, clicking the phone off and rubbing the rest of the sweat and tears off of my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

I was scared of being alone most of all. I didn't want to think about what had just happened, because I knew my mind would race to it. It already was.

I jumped out of bed, my body still shaking slightly, and grabbed my coat as quietly as I could. I threw it on, still in my shirt and sweatpants, and tiptoed out of my bedroom. I put my boots on and headed out of the house.

The only person who I knew would be awake, was Declan. I drove to the bar, where the neon sign was clicked off but the lights inside were still on.

I tried to open the door but it was locked. The air was chilly so I knocked rapidly and desperately.

A few moments later, he swung it open. I could tell he was surprised that it was me.

"Can I come in?" I asked, my teeth chattering and my rapid breathing turning into clouds of condensation out in front of me.