Professor Malfoy

23 | secrets behind backs

Chapter 23
____________

Nobody was waiting for me when I returned to the common room. Not a single soul. It shouldn't bother me as much as it actually does, because they would surely ask questions about where I disappeared so fast...but still, if Pansy did that to me, I'd even run after her or at least wait until she gets back, safe. It hurts a bit, but there's nothing for me to do. So I return to my room only to find her cuddled up in her bed with Blaise.

I love them. I love them all with my whole heart. I just wish they cared more sometimes. I'm only just a human, too, even though I don't let my emotion show off often.

I feel like I still haven't processed what just happened tonight. Everything - the hug, the kiss, the talk, the touch...it's too much for me to cope with from all of sudden. Never in my life would I have guessed that I'd fall in love with my teacher.

I should be ashamed, I should be embarrassed, my mind is screaming "guilty, guilty, guilty!" at me for falling for him, but my heart tells me otherwise. I shouldn't feel like a home wrecker. From what I've heard, his wife is probably cheating, too. I'm no more of a home wrecker than both of them are.

I'm in no mood to third wheel Pansy's and Blaise's private time, so I quietly close the door and walk to the boys room. Their door is never locked, I don't even bother knocking. It's 2am, they should be all sleeping by now.

The room is dark, but not dark enough for me to see Zion's body laying on his back with his muscular arms under his head, staring at the ceiling. Theo's nowhere to be seen, but after I step into the room, I see light coming from the bathroom.

I slowly lay into Theo's warm bed and roll on the side facing Zion. I know he isn't sleeping, I can see his eyes wide opened.

"Hi," I whisper to him and pull a blanket over my body. I'm realizing only now how cold I am- I've been outside for nearly 2 hours. October nights are chilly. Especially here.

He doesn't say anything, he keeps staring at the ceiling. I see his chest go up and down as he slowly breaths. After a while, he rolls to my side as well, his head supported by his arm. He's not half naked this time - his upper body is covered with a black loose T-shirt.

"Tell me a secret and I'll tell you mine," he says all of sudden, no whispering at all.

As he opens his mouth, I can smell the alcohol and cigarettes all the way from him. "You're drunk," I chuckle.

"So?"

"You might regret that in the morning,"

The corners of his mouth go slightly up into a smile. "I won't regret anything. I won't even remember your secret," he lets out a silent laugh.

"So what's the point then?"

"Come on...besides, you can someday use it against me,"

I throw a pillow at him. "I don't do shit like that,"

I've gotten used to it by now - everybody comes to me with their secrets, because they know I never spill. Never. If I did, half of the people I know would end up in Azkaban, that's how bad they are. It can be tiring sometimes, knowing it all while nobody knows mine. Pansy thinks she does, but the truth is, I never truly open myself to anyone.