Fate

Twice

Kiefer

I went back to the hotel. I felt like a coward for just leaving a letter and not admitting all my mistakes right in front of her. And there's something that I still need to confess. But it was too late for me. She was no longer there. The receptionist told me that she just checked out and left a letter for me. I sat on the couch and opened it.

Kiefer,

I'm sorry if your letter didn't make me cry. I'm sorry if your secrets didn't make me mad at all. I'm sorry if I had to forgive you long before. I'm sorry, coz I knew all of them after all.

You were not doing your homework, you were at someone else's home. I knew. Someone secretly told me. But I refused to believe.

You were thinking of her, instead of me. I knew. You once uttered her name while talking to me. I just pretended to be deaf.

You bought a new phone and kept it from me. I knew. I accidentally saw it in your drawer. I even thought it was for me.

You skipped one of my games just to watch a movie with her. I knew. My friend saw you. Again, I refused to believe.

You brought me home too early at times just to fetch her right after. I knew. The excitement in your eyes to drop me home almost killed me every time. I was in denial, still.

You bought her the same pieces of jewelry. I knew. Remember when I saw the receipts? But you told me it was for your Mom. I asked her, and she said yes. I knew, she lied too.

You call her "baby" as well. I should know. You used to call your exes the same name.

You ordered a take out for her when were eating at this restaurant, and told me that it was for Dani. I knew. Dani was out of town that day.

You told me that it's only with me that you wanna do it again. I'm telling you now, I knew it wasn't true. For I knew all of these, even before you told me that.

I knew what you knew. Your secrets were my secrets. Your lies were my lies. You chose to hide all of these from me for such a long time, and I chose to make you believe that I was clueless. You were enjoying the ride. Your conscience was nowhere to be found. You were able to peacefully sleep each night. You were having the time of your life. And where did I go? What did I do? I was patiently waiting. You know what's worse? I wasn't waiting for you to admit all of these to me, instead, I was just waiting for you to change. I was waiting for that day that my gut feel won't no longer tell me that you went to fetch her after dropping me home. I was waiting for you to feel sorry without even telling me why, for I was afraid to bring it to the table myself. I was afraid to know that you might just be waiting for me to initiate the break up so it won't be hard for you to initiate it instead. We had our fights, including the one with Trinca, that even made me wish that I wasn't there to have personally witnessed it. I got mad, yes. I broke up with you, yes. Though it's odd, but I've enjoyed every second that you've spent pursuing me after that. I told myself, "Mahal niya talaga ako. Lalaki lang siya, natutukso".

Kiefer, I am done with all of these. I'm done making myself believe that you will eventually change. I'm done helping you build a castle of secrets and lies. I am done looking for a man in you. For it is still apparent that you are just a male, and you are far from being a man.

Behind your mountain of promises, there lies a hidden field full of lies. You promised me your loyalty, you promised me your honesty, but you can't keep them, coz you were busy planting them on another field. And you can somehow blame me for that, for I was stupid enough to believe that someone like me can change someone like you.

What's next for you and me, that I do not know yet. But one thing is sure, wherever I go and whatever I do, I'll be leaving you behind. I am no longer mad at you. In fact, I've already forgiven you. But forgive me if I cannot sincerely wish for your happiness, for that would be too much to ask from me.

And if there's still a part of you that cares, please, stop wishing for us to get back together. Not today, not tomorrow, not in this lifetime. He might grant your wish, and I might suffer again. Take pity this time.

Your life's greatest victim,
Mika

6 months later.....

"Manong, it's ate Mika's graduation day today. Is it okay if I congratulate her on twitter?", Dani asked.

"Your call", I said.

"How about you Kief?", Mom asked.

"What about?"

"Will you not congratulate her?"

"Ma, I don't want to ruin her day."

"You ruined her life na nga eh", Dani answered.

Mika

My family and I are currently celebrating my graduation at this certain restaurant @ MOA. I went to the restroom to change, and to my surprise, I saw Dani.

"Ate!!!"

We hugged each other so tight, and both of us shed a tear.

"Dani."

"I missed you ate. Congratulations! Binati kita sa twitter. Di mo pa ba nakita?"

"Hindi pa eh. Thank you."

"Kakadating lang namin", she said.

"Namin?"

"I'm with my friends ate. Mom and Manong just dropped me off."

"I see. Then saan kayo after?"

"I need to buy some clothes for the baby. Mangananak na kasi si ate."

"Ooohh. Proud Aunt ba?"

"Siyempre. First pamangkin eh. Sayang tho, I thought pa naman na kay Manong ako unang mgkakaroon ng pamangkin. Tapos sa inyong dalawa pa sana. Si Kuya Thirdy kasi eh, inunahan si Manong."

"Huh? I thought.."

"Di ba nga nabuntis ni Kuya si ate Thea. But I'm happy for them."

"Wait, ang gulo Dan. Diba si Manong mo may nabuntis?"

"Nope."

"But he said before na..."

"Ah yun. The girl was already pregnant when they met."

"Pero nagka affair sila matagal na. How did it happen?"

"Ate, I'm sorry. Those are two different girls."

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Short update lang.

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