Fate

"Mica"

Present

It's Mica's 22nd birthday two days from now and I'm definitely busy organizing a surprise party for her. I got her family and some close friends as my accomplices. I want to make sure that she doesn't get the slightest clue about it. Knowing her, she loves surprises, and I want to be that guy who gives her the things that she loves. I'm guilty of being a spoiler. Mica and I met a year ago. I was attending a friend's party and she happened to be there coz she's my friend's cousin. She was a loner then. But it wasn't hard for me to notice her. She's tall, with a bod of a supermodel and she has those eyes, those beautiful eyes. From the looks of it, you'd be surprised that she's quite reserved. But she is, really. And to make the long story short, I approached her and tried to make a conversation, and from that moment, we're already inseparable.

Flashback

Yesterday I was overwhelmed with happiness, today I'm feeling down, and I'm just afraid of what's gonna happen the next day.

And this I feel because of Mika's indifferent attitude lately. I know it's still volleyball season and she needs all the understanding and support from the people around her, especially from me. But sometimes, she's being unreasonable already. I hate to think that she's doing it intentionally. But I've got feelings as well. I am doing everything to please her. But it seems like, I do all the giving, and she does all the taking. I'm not someone who wants to be acknowledged for every little thing that I do. But sometimes, I also want to feel that my efforts are being appreciated. She wants everything to be in her favor. I really don't know what's with her and her bratty attitude lately.

"I thought you're coming over after your practice", she said while we're on the phone.

"I know babe. But something came up. They need me here for a short basketball clinic for some alumni. I'll make it up to you tomorrow. Okay? I miss you."

"I actually didn't join my teammates for dinner coz you said you're coming. You should have told me."

"I didn't expect this as well. They just asked a favor from me coz the other coaches are not here. Please understand babe? I really want to see you but...."

"But you can, you just don't want to", she interrupted.

"You know what, forget it. I waited for you even if I'm feeling my hunger already. Go do your thing there. I can manage", she added.

She didn't allow me to say something about it And she's getting used to this kind of conversation. The moment I try to explain, she shuts me out. She substitutes her own judgment without inquiring as to what I really mean. But I'm still waiting for the right time. The time when we could just sit down and talk things over without me worrying that it might affect her performance in the games. As what I've promised to her, to her parents and to coach Ramil, this relationship will never be a distraction to her career as a student athlete.

I tried calling her after an hour. But she's tough and she really didn't answer my call at all even if she knew that I tend to worry about her during  unanswered calls.

I never saw this coming. We weren't like this a few months back. But now, it's just so different.

I still gave it a try and called her again. Good thing she answered this time.

"Babe, did you eat na?"

"Obviously", she said.

"Good. By the way, I'll fetch you tomorrow after your practice. Let's have dinner."

"Don't bother Kief."

"Huh? Why?"

"Just don't. I'm not in the mood."

"You're not in the mood now. But does that mean you're not in the mood tomorrow as well?

"The entire week. Let's take a break first."

"Wait, I don't get it. What do you mean by that?"

"We're both busy. You see, it's not basketball season, but you're still busy. You can't even adjust your schedule for me."

"Is this about our canceled dinner a while ago? Miks, I'm sorry. It was just an isolated case. You know me, I find ways. But it was a different thing earlier."

"Kief, I'm just not in the mood to talk right now. Let's just do this some other time."

"Are you gonna hang up on me again?"

"Goodnight."

Mika's really testing my patience. But this time, I think I'll play it tough a bit as well. She's being provocative. She's testing my patience. And she thinks she's the only one who've got feelings here.

But I can't compete with her toughness. She's my weakness. And so I still went to her dorm the next day. I called her to let her know that I'm waiting for her outside. I was excited while she's walking her way towards me. I never knew that she was up for something that will completely change everything.

"Why are you doing this to me Miks? I don't understand."

"I thought I was ready. But this whole relationship thing, I just can't handle this one right now", she said while I'm still tying to figure out what the hell is going on

"Wait, am I asking too much from you? Am I taking soo much of your time? Just tell me, I'm willing to adjust. If this is about the volleyball season... I can...."

"No Kief, this is not about me caught in between you and my commitments. I just can't handle this anymore. I don't know."

"Can you be more specific? Coz I'm completely clueless here. I need to understand what you're really thinking."

"I'm no longer happy....with you."

I didn't see it coming, never. Those are last words which I would probably want to hear from her. I'm messed up right now. I can't say a thing or two.

"What did I do, tell me? And what should I do for you to be happy again? Tell me. I'll do everything. Am I being too possessive or do you find me boring? Come on Miks, tell me. Is there something you want to change in me? I'm willing to change", I said while pleading like a child. I reached for her hands, but she didn't let me.

"You don't get it. I'm no longer happy with you. As simple as that Kief. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I just woke up like this. I feel like I don't care about you anymore. And you irritate me. Is that difficult to understand?"

Feels like somebody just shot me right thru my chest. Painful is an understatement. I need the most superlative adjective to describe what I'm feeling right now.

What's more painful than watching your girl unlove you? She gave me one last look and walked away.

Present

Mika and Mica. The past and the present. The one who pushed me off the bridge and the one who saved me.

I was in deep shit when I met Mica. I was the man to hate. I couldn't make a basket. My basketball career was at its lowest. I partied almost everyday. I befriended alcohol. I gambled. I wasted my money. I treated girls like shit. Sex became a constant outlet. I was unattractive. I was unlovable.  But she was there, she was patient, she put back the broken pieces which Mika left.

I loved Mika so much. Everybody knows that. And when she left me, she took a part of me. I did everything to win her back. But what she did was a complete turn around. "She made me feel like she really likes me, and one day, she left me just like that."

If there's only one thing that I could ask for in this lifetime, I would wish to have never met Mika. I can't say "I hated her" coz I still do. And it just won't go away. Maybe not in this lifetime.

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Super super short update. And to those who haven't read the "Sign" chapter yet, backread na lang sa twitter account ko (@mandskie20). It's there. Thanks.

Author.