Fate

Secrets

"Thanks for letting me in."

"Just because I'm a professional, and we're both paid to do this", I said.

"Bili na tayo ng damit mo for tonight?"

"I can do that on my own. I don't need your company."

I grabbed my purse and went outside, slamming the door at him.

Kiefer

Mika's attitude towards me is driving me nuts. But yeah, who am I to complain? But in less than 10 minutes, she came back.

"Hey, did you forget something?", I asked. But she just ignored me and sat on the bed. She was quiet the whole time.

"I know na. Two things lang yan eh. It's either you really want me to accompany you kasi takot kang lumabas magisa, or gusto mo na lang humiram ng pantulog sakin. Which is which? Game ako either way."

She just gave me a serious look. And I knew right then that I just made her extra pissed.

"Fine. I'll just take a nap. If you need me, just give me a kiss on my forehead. For sure, palapit ka pa lang, gising na ako."

"Are you trying to make me laugh? Try harder, or just shut up."

I just gave her a smile and went to bed. It's a twin bed room. Mika occupied the one near the glass window, while mine's the one near the front door.

I wasn't really sleepy. I just want to give her a peaceful and quiet environment. Coz she'll just keep throwing words at me. And I'll end up teasing her. So I might as well pretend to be asleep.

We aren't facing each other, but I badly want to check on her. And just as when I was about to turn my back, I heard her moving so I held back and kept pretending to be asleep. And when I decided to face her, she was gone.

It's 11 in the evening, and she hasn't returned yet. I'm starving but I couldn't make myself eat. I decided to look for her, but just as when I was about to leave the room, she arrived.

"Where have you been? You made me worry."

"Oh please, stop pretending", she answered.

"Miks, can we just agree to make this trip a harmonious one between the two of us? Just for a few days. Kahit after nito, away away ulit."

"How dare you ask for that from me? Just the sound of your voice, it makes me sick."

"What do you want? Umalis ako dito? Yun ba gusto mo?"

"Yes. You should have done that kanina pa. I just don't wanna see your face. I don't wanna hear anything from someone who ruined my life. Just die and give me a peace of mind. Die", she cried again.

I slowly grabbed my luggage and left.

Mika

Two hours after Kiefer left, I still couldn't sleep. My eyes were tired of crying. I decided to go outside for some fresh air. The lady at the information desk approached me.

"Miss Reyes, your companion asked me to give this to you", she said. It's a letter from Kiefer.

I sat on the couch and opened it.

Dear Mika

Seeing you for the first time when I was still with Trinca was a struggle. I just couldn't take my eyes off you back then. I was the weirdest guy when Trinca finally said "yes" to me, for I was silently hoping for her to say "no". And I hated you for that. I hated you for the confusion that you gave my heart, for the sleepless nights that I've spent thinking about you instead of her. And when Trinca left me, I was looking for pain. I was wondering why it didn't hurt that bad. Then my thoughts would always lead me back to you. You were the answer. But you were not an easy subject. You made it hard for me to prove myself to you. And yes, I loved how you made me go crazy over you. I loved how your unpredictability consumed my sanity. You were hard to please, but you made me prove how patient I can be.

And when you started to slowly requite the feeling, you didn't just make me feel lucky, you made me feel blessed. The first time I held your hand, the first time I felt your warm embrace, and the first time I kissed those lips of yours, they all gave me sleepless nights, recalling every second of it. I wasn't good at paying attention to dates, until I met you. You made me give significance even to the smallest detail of the days we've spent together. And every time we bid goodbye, you take a part of me. Coz I always want you next to me. People found me insane, and yes I was, and I am still.

But I am not telling you all these to cover up all the mistakes, disappointments and frustrations that I've caused you. No excuses. Just a simple sorry that I was no longer the man to whom you've entrusted your heart and trust. I'm sorry for I am only human. I failed to sustain the kind of attention that I used to give you. I'm sorry for the inconsistency. I'm sorry for those days when I had to tell you that I am busy doing my homework, when in truth and in fact, I was already in front of somebody else's doorstep. I'm sorry if I had the guts to look at you straight in the eyes while having her in my mind instead. I'm sorry if I had to secretly buy a new phone and keep it from you just so you won't discover my conversations with her. I'm sorry if I had to skip one of your games just to watch a movie with her. I'm sorry if I had to bring you home too early at times just to fetch her right after. I'm sorry if I had to buy her the same pieces of jewelry that I gave you. I'm sorry if I had to call her "baby" as well to avoid confusion. I'm sorry if I had to order a take out when we were eating at this restaurant and pretend that it's for my sister. I'm sorry if at one point, I got confused. I'm sorry for making you believe that I'm not like any other men, I am sorry for being human, rather than a real man. And lastly, I'm sorry if I once told you that it's only with you that I wanna do it again coz the truth is, all of these happened even before I said that.

I'm sorry if my conscience to admit all of these came in too late.
I'm sorry if I didn't let you change me. I'm sorry for wasting your time.
I'm sorry if I ruined your life.
I'm sorry, I AM BAD.

I'm sorry, I didn't show you where forever is. And if and when both of us have finally found it somewhere else, know that a part of me will smile, and a part of me will die.

Until then, my life's hardest lesson.
I love you, still.

Kiefer
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Short update again.