Will you Stay?

Chapter 68

// Anna's Pov\\

About 3 weeks or so passed and it felt like my dead body never left the room at all. I only went out for my lectures, for soccer practice and my part time internship at the children's hospital. I pretend to enjoy and feel like it doesn't hurt but I knew I couldn't fool myself. No matter what sadness still flowed through my veins and ruined my mind. It was as if a black mist had settled upon me and refused to shift. I hardly laugh or even speak, like I was dead inside; like all my emotions were killed off after that one day.

I sat at our wooden desk, attempting to finish my English essay as I ignored my empty stomach. I didn't even have the strength to cook for myself anymore and sometimes I don't even feel my empty stomach; like I'm becoming immune to it.

I sighed as I took my hand off the keyboard. I roll up my sleeves in frustration, the cool air brushing on my fresh marks. I bite my lip as I look at them for the 100th time today, looking at how terrible it's made me. It's like a poison to kill. But a hero that saves.

I sigh again and shut my laptop, feeling my body in pain once more. I slowly shuffle over to the bathroom door and shut it, locking it tight. I look into my pale white face. I've lost quite a bit of weight and lost most of the colour on my skin, I gained the black circles under my eyes and bones that peek out of my skin.

I open the bathroom cabinets and shuffle to the back where I kept my new friends. I took out a clean blade and examined the sharp edges, admiring its silver colour and smooth texture. I shed off my jacket and placed the blade almost on top of the first I marked on my wrist.

I wonder if I should do it. 'Do it'       

I listen to my head, pressing hard and slitting down quickly. I watched as the skin puffed up around the slit and the blood beads up in a perfect dotted line.

I shake my head, not satisfied with the depth and repeated my first actions. I felt as it tingles and burns but it felt so good, and that's the worst. My body feels pain but my mind is a ease.

One turned into two and then two turned into four. At this point I just kept on cutting, feeling as if I'm not going to stop, until I hear the dorm room open. "Anna?" I hear Eve call.

I exhale a long breath and called out a strangled "Yes" to show I was present. I quickly rinse my new marks, feeling the sting intense. I then bandaged it before slipping on my jacket, flushing the toilet for some effect.

I unlock the door and step out, trying my hardest to crack a smile to Eve and Liam who is also in the room. I sat back on the desk chair, opening my laptop once more.  Silence filled the room, being slightly broken by my slow typing.

Liam came next to me, shutting the laptop and leaning back on the bed. "You need to come out of this room" Liam says. I shake my head not bothered to give Liam an answer to the same statement I've been hearing for weeks now. "I understand that your broken, but you can't live like this" he continues.

I shake my head "I won't, this is just to get over it" I say, trying to convince him and myself that this won't be for much longer.

He sighs "I brought you something" he says, turning the chair around so I could see a big tub of cookies and cream ice cream. I let out a faint smile not wanting to be a bitch about it "Thanks"

"Who you like some now?" Eve asks. I shake my head "No I just ate" I lie.

Eve showed an annoyed face before going calm once more "Anna, you and I both know that, that is not true. You need to eat"

I ignore her turning back to my laptop. I hear her sigh loudly and I could just picture her running her hand through her pitch black hair in frustration. Liam let out a few mumbles  "Banana, you need to get out of this phase, I know you're upset but if it makes you feel any better, I know Niall isn't doing well"