Till the End [SB19 - Stelljun AU]

Chapter 24

SEJUN

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Vester." I said while he slowly walks away from me.

Napaluhod ako. Umiyak ako. Umiyak lang ako ng umiyak.

I know it's my fault. I should've told him much sooner. Sana naintindihan niya pa. I know he would. 

I hate you.

That phrase keeps echoing on my mind. It's on replay and it really pains me.

Punong puno ng hinanakit ng sabihin niya ang mga katagang yun. Ang sakit. Sobrang sakit.

Alam kong darating din ang araw na 'to. I just didn't expect that it will happen now.

I can't answer him awhile ago because I was scared. I am scared of everything. I'm really a coward. I know.

Sinaktan ko yung taong gustong gusto ko. Those times na magkasama kami was the best moments of my life. He's with me at my lowest and keeps on supporting me when I had no one. He is my sunshine. He became my sunshine when I was covered with darkness. He pulled me from the depths of my own mind. He's my saviour, my guardian, my everything. And now look to what i've done. He hated me.

"ARGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I shouted. I don't care kung may makarinig. I am in pain. Deeply in pain.

Later, I found myself in a bar. Walang humpay na pag inom. This will be my only escape for now. I know kung nandito siya, panigurado sesermonan ako nun. I miss him.

I hate you.

Naalala ko na naman. Naikuyom ko ang kamay ko.

I hate myself too.

I remember the times na magkasama kami at pinaglulutuan niya ako. How I loved his cooking. He's superb! Napakasarap niyang magluto.

How he  took care of me when I was sick. How he make sure that I am always okay. Even on how to uplift my spirit when I am so down and ready to give up. I miss him so much. Kanina lang kami huling nagkita pero pakiramdam ko'y kaytagal na nang nakalipas.

My life will always be like this. Messed up.

I am in an arranged marriage.

Pia is my childhood friend. My dad and his father planned that long ago. And ano pa bang dahilan? Business of course. That's why I decided to create my own path. I don't want to do that shxtty business so I dreamed to be a performer. But father disagree. Sabi niya wala daw akong mapapala dito. That this is just a waste of time. That I should focus on the things that would really matter.

But how can I if this 'waste of time' is what I really want to do. Is it really hard to achieve my own goals? or is it just forbidden because I am my fathers' son.

My life had been like this simula ng mamatay ang Mom ko. Nasa secondary school palang ako nung iniwan niya kami. After that, Dad became so controlling to the point na nakakasakal na. I gain a bit of freedom when I decided to be independent and work for myself to finished my degree. But destiny isn't really on my side.

Before, he keeps on stopping me in pursuing my career. Now, he wants to completely took over my life and let it rolled in his damn hands.

Fucked!!!

I don't know how much liquor I already take and I don't fvcking care either.

Naramdaman kong may tumapik sa balikat ko.

How I wish it was Vester.

Lumingon ako. I saw Pia.

Pia is a nice girl. She's lovely and kind. But I don't really see myself with her for the rest of my life.

I love her. Yes I do.

I love her as my bestfriend, like a sister, but not as a partner in life.

Hindi ako umimik.

"Are you mad at me?" tanong nito sabay upo sa stool na nasa tabi ko.

Hindi ako sumagot. Nilagok ko ang inumin na nasa shot glass.

Agad naman itong nilagyan muli ng bartender.

Hindi ko kayang magalit sa kanya. Napasubo din sya sa sitwasyon na ito. She also just couldn't say no. The one whose at fault in all this mess is our fathers.

"You've drink too much already. Let's go home. I'll give you a ride." saad pa nito sabay hawak sa kamay ko.

I shook her hand.

"Leave me alone Pia. I can take care of myself." mahinahong sagot ko.

"No! You can't." madiing ganti nito sa akin. "Sej please. I am worried about you. I am your fiancee. Atleast tell me what's wrong." nagsusumamong dugtong niya.

Muling nabuhay ang inis sa dibdib ko.

"Can you please stop mentioning that 'fiancee' thing?! We both know, that marriage is against our own will. And that will never ever happen. You know how much I hated to be controlled and treat like a puppet. Of all person Pia, you're the one who supposed to know." diretso ko siyang tiningnan.

"So please. Stop talking about that matter and leave me in peace." pagkatapos ay nilagok kong muli ang laman ng shot glass.

Hindi na ito umimik.

Hindi ko na rin siya binigyan ng pansin. Bahala siya dyan. Basta iinom ako dito.

I miss you Vester.

Paulit ulit na bulong ko sa isipan ko. Di ko namalayan kung anong oras na o kung gaano na karami ang aking nainom.

Naramdaman kong malapit na ko magpassed out. Bago ko tuluyang hindi makita ang liwanag ay may nakita akong pigura.

Vester... bulong ko bago tuluyang nawalan ng ulirat.

---