Field of Carnations (Solace Series #1)

Chapter 37

''And that's what happened. It was a nightmare for me, and I wanted to escape it all my life...Pasensya na at hindi ko kaagad sinabi sayo.''

Pinagsaklop niya ang aming kamay at hinimas ang pisngi ko gamit ang likod ng kanyang palad. Tumango siya at kalmadong ngumiti sa akin. Ngiting kahit walang salita, sa mga mata'y kita mo ang walang sawang pag-unawa ng lahat sa akin.

Nang bumitaw siya ay ako naman ang humimas sa kanyang pisngi. His skin was soft and warm to the touch. Inside my mind, I traced his face and memorized every detail I could have. Up until now, I couldn't seem to fathom how someone could look so unreal... It just blows my mind every time I think of it.

''Ngayong nasabi ko na lahat sayo at nakinig ka sakin, ikaw? May gusto ka bang ipagbigay alam sa girlfriend mo? Hmmm?''

He smirked. ''Girlfriend huh?''

''Oo. Ayaw mo ba? Arte.''

''Wala akong sinabi.''

''Okay okay. So, do you have anything in mind? We've been disconnected for a year. I don't have a single clue regarding your life.''

He grabbed the remote control and turned off the television. Madilim na sa labas at puro building lights na lang ang nakikita, kasama ang iilan na bituin sa langit.

''Mahirap.'' He paused and gave me a heavy glance before looking up at the ceiling. "It wasn't easy... I've been surrounded by a lot of people, but still, everything felt so lonely. Each day felt like a damn battle over everything. "

I could see his nose getting reddish and I just stared at him, craving more of his thoughts.

''You know, I don't cry in front of anyone and most of all, I don't tell anybody about my problems. Pero ikaw, iba ka sa lahat.'' He smiled and brushed my hair. "It wasn't my mind that chose you, it was my heart and soul. They knew more than I that you're the one that stands alone. That person who is unrivaled. And I honestly can't imagine my life without you. Because you're everything to me. I can be myself around you. I can let myself be vulnerable around you. It's like being in a peaceful paradise. "

Sa pagkakataong ito, ang bawat salitang binitawan niya ay kusang tumatak sa isipan ko. Hindi ko 'yon kailangang kabisaduhin dahil alam na alam ko, tila isang mahika ngunit batid ko na mananatili ito sa napakahabang panahon.

''Tell me things, tell me everything, my love.''

''Naaalala mo pa ba noong nagkita tayo sa ospital?''

''Oo. Anong nangyari?''

''It was my father. All this time, he knew about my mother's doings. Hindi niya lang sinabi sa akin dahil ayaw niyang mag-alala ako'' He paused for a moment and inhaled a lot of air. He swallowed and nodded multiple times, delaying the drop of his tears pooling in his eyes. ''Wala na siya...Hara. My father suffered in silence. Lahat na siguro ng alak sa mundo, ininom niya na. And that day, just before my birthday...he died.''

''Akuya, I'm so s-sorry...''

Napahawak ako sa bibig at impit na pinigil ang hagulgol para sa nangyari noon. Hindi ko alam...hindi ko alam na nahihirapan din siya. Ang mali ko, bakit hindi ko inisip kung bakit siya nasa hospital? Nagalit pa ako sa kanya at hindi ko man lang tinanong kung bakit...bakit at anong nangyari.

My emotions successfully took over me, and an indescribable level of guilt is surely crippling my skin.

"He died of a drug overdose."

Losing someone is the most terrifying thing in this world. The pain is suffocating and consuming...

Walang salita, niyakap ko siya. I covered his shoulders with my arms and kissed his temples a lot. I ran my fingers through his hair and tapped on his shoulders, hoping for all of the pain and burden to subside.

''H-hindi ko alam na nahihirapan ka rin. K-kung galit ka sa akin dahil sa ginawa at mga nasabi ko sayo noon, naiintindihan ko...pero sana huwag mo akong itulak papalayo.''

Dahil hindi ko kaya.

The loneliness invaded his eyes and they looked so dead to me. At kahit pinapalis niya ang luha niya ngayon para bigyan ako ng ngiti, hindi ko 'yon magawang suklian. Hindi noon magawang pagaanin ang loob ko.

''Ba't naman kita itutulak palayo sa buhay ko? Ilang taon din akong naghintay para bumalik ka sa'kin.'' 

''Are you still blaming yourself about the issue between our parents?''

''Kinda...''

''Don't. It's not our fault, we're the victims.'' I intertwined our hands together and rested my head on his shoulders. ''Tama ka. Why do we need to cage ourselves with our parents' fault? Hindi naman natin 'yon ginawa, wala tayong kasalanan.''

A long stretch of silence filled us. It was probably the coziest silence I have ever experienced in my life. Everything is just comfortable and right when it comes to him—to us.

''Sorry for blaming you for keeping it a secret from me. Akala ko, intensyon mong pagmukhain akong tanga. You did that in the hopes of not letting me get hurt, right? Akuya, promise me one thing. No more secrets between us, okay? I don't want to live with lies or misunderstandings.''

''I'm sorry too for not letting you know my intentions and the things going on inside my head. It was a selfish move of mine to let you think that way. Mula ngayon, makakaasa kang hindi na ako maglilihim sayo. Sasabihin ko lahat, even the tiniest details.''

 ''Tiniest details? Hmm kung ganon. Did you date someone when I was gone? llan? Sampung girlfriend ba?''

I cracked on that and teased him. He rolled his eyes and cupped my face, leaving a quick smack on my lips.

''Wala. Ikaw lang, kulit.''

The day ended again inside the hospital room with me, smiling endlessly. The next day, my two friends were here again, along with my sister.

Ngayon na ang alis ko at diretso sa condo na kami.

And finally, they're now inside the place, scanning it.

''Lapit lang ng condo mo sa akin.''

''Swerte mo.''

He smiled and went to the kitchen. Kasama ang mga kaibigan ay tumambay kami sa sala, tamang kwentuhan lang bilang pampalipas ng oras.

''Hindi na kailangang magdrive ni Nini. May jowa naman na e,'' tukso ni Pao sa akin.

''True! What if hanap mo rin ako right !?''

''What if kayo na lang ni Pao,'' I cracked and the couch pillow immediately flew to me.

''Namo, hindi kami talo gaga.''

''Shh, language uy. Nandito kapatid ko.''

''Ate, may prutas ka ba? Pahingi. Nagugutom ako.''

I nodded and went to the kitchen to get us some food. I saw him cooking at habang hindi niya pa nararamdaman ang presensya ko, dahan dahan akong lumakad papunta sa likod. I gave him a back hug and sniffed his manly scent.

''Hi pogi.''

''Mmm? I love you.''