He's Just a Skater Boy (boyxboyxboy)

Chapter 117: Big Brother Jason

Later that night I stayed up. Well it was hard not to stay up when Gift insisted on going to sleep by ten and dragging me down to his level. But by the point he was asleep he wasn't generally a light sleeper. I could get on my laptop or phone with relatively little problem. 

That said this night I got up and took my laptop to the bathroom and prayed he didn't wake up to piss in the middle of the night, forcing me to leave the bathroom with my laptop tucked suspiciously under my shirt.

As the day grew on a tightness in my belly got worse. Feeling anxious I went online looking for some kind of reassurance, an idea that rarely went well.

The thing is if it was only a matter of, shit I don't wanna do it with them no way, that would be fine. But the moment I was alone between the two of them it was like my brain switched gears, I felt something untwist inside of me, my boundaries grew smaller. Every slight touch, every glance, it felt too good, it made me anticipate something that I was deadly afraid of.

That confliction got worse to the point of nearly making me nauseous.

So, at maybe one in the morning, I opened up my laptop from where I was sitting on the toilet with the seat down. It was freezing, I was shivering in my shorts and thin pyjama T-shirt that only served to stick to me in summer. Even the hair on my legs was standing on edge as I nervously opened up an incognito tab.

The private browser meant rechecking permissions but it was necessary. Gift wouldn't go as far as checking my computer history but MI5 agents might. What if I accidentally sent a trigger word to a friend and they started monitoring me and they saw the shit I looked at? I'd never live it down, men with binoculars would be laughing at me from cars parked across the street for decades.

I went directly to a porn site. I wasn't messing around.

Then I stared at the girls sucking cocks in the thumbnails for about a minute trying not to get heated up over the wrong thing and avoided clicking on them. Hovered my cursor over the search bar for another minute stumped as to what to search for.

I frowned, staring at the screen for a while longer, then ended up hovering over the thumbnails to at least see some video snippets, to calm down. Familiarity felt better, but now even from the small snippets I found myself trying to get a glimpse of the guy, trying to figure out if it was possible that I always had a thing for them.

I sighed. 

How would I have looked something up on YouTube?

Gay sex tutorial   I typed in.

First video that came up was a guy promising to teach me how to suck my own cock. Not an uninteresting promise but also not what I was looking for.

A video on how to edge, apparently a tutorial in Italian with a guy taking an aubergine in the thumbnail, a video tutorial on how to give a good blowjob. I cringed. The fleeting images were just as nerve-wracking as the day after. Actually I wasn't sure if it was the fact that the guy kneeling wasn't totally unattractive or pure curiosity but I was vaguely interested.

After that was a video titled in a foreign language, one which was all spread hairy ass cheeks in the thumbnail, I didn't even look at the title before moving down the page to get away from it, and finally a video titled; "How to have sex, beginners tutorial."

Apparently I searched in the right thing then.

I didn't check the thumbnail, I didn't want to give it the opportunity to scare me off.

I was brave. I was unaffected and cool. Nothing could bother me, sitting on my throne with my laptop on my legs sweating like I was risking jailtime.

Took a moment to load, then bam it skipped directly to a logo on a mishmash of cocks and the guys that owned them all posing in various positions in G-strings and one displayed in a modest outfit of oil.