Feelings On Paper

nightmare

im sorry for all the unjust things i said, and all the unnecessary pain i caused. i know wishing things had been different won't change anything, i know sorries won't make you or i feel better, and i know saying anything to you will cause more harm than healing.

but i do realize how much i miss you, how much i wish i hadn't done things the way i did. my body craves the smallest attention, anything that will bring back what use to be us, even if its for a second.

i wish i could take it back. for this all feels like a nightmare i wont ever wake from, and my one comfort has left me for good.

i wish i could forget. i wish i could look at my bed without seeing you on it, or drive down a street without the anxiety that you'll be driving next to me, or look in the mirror and see your lips tracing my skin.

fuck.

i messed up.

and that's the worst nightmare of all. realizing i didn't mean any of it and that i still love you.