Consequences of love [BTS]

Chapter 21: Left Alone

P.O.V: Moon Hyeyoon

I hate the outcome of this entire situation. I really should've known better to have been passed around through the members. Now I have the consequence of carrying an idol's child. It should've been impossible...I was written up as infertile with a 10% chance of ever falling pregnant. I didn't expect to be pregnant with Taehyung's child so soon. Everything is a complete mess. I should've gone home instead of attending that stupid graduation. None of this was supposed to happen. I can't even stand to be in the same proximity as Taehyung or the other members...

Soon enough, I started to hate myself more with every heartbeat I took and I couldn't bear to look at myself anymore. Knowing that Taehyung had left the apartment, I knew I was left alone and that meant he couldn't stop me from what I was about to do...I got up from the bed and made my way to the bathroom, I looked into the draws for a razor. After much searching, I had finally found one that wasn't used, I held it in my shaking hands and felt the pain erupting in me. I didn't want to feel like this anymore...I didn't want to feel anything at all. I felt more broken than I have ever felt before and I dealt with it in the only way I knew how. I slid down my trousers and sat on the toilet as I took a deep breath before puncturing my skin with the sharp steel of the razor. One cut turned to two. Two turned to three. Before I knew it, I was back to square one and the cuts became more profound, I watched my blood drip down my legs. I rested my head back against the base of the toilet and I couldn't help the silent tears as my blood began to drip all over the bathroom floor. I wanted to die. I wanted to end it all. My mother wasn't here to tell me everything was okay or to comfort me from feeling all these emotions. My mental health was at its worst and I hadn't been taking my medication or seeing my therapist in months. I was struggling to feel safe in my own body and I didn't feel like I was living anymore. It felt like I was just a bystander in my own life now.

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P.O.V: Kim Taehyung

I didn't want to be around her, she was making it difficult to even try repairing what we had before all of this happened. I fear that she won't want me anymore and she is already showing it. There's so much that I want her to see. To feel. To explore with me but she didn't want to know me. I will probably never understand why she did what she did. She makes me crazy and angry but vulnerable all at once. I want her to see me beyond just an idol and a shameful shell of a man...

I left that apartment with no thought of where I was heading but wherever my legs took me was where I was headed. I had made it to the convenience store to buy cigarettes and a lighter, I needed to get this edge off. I knew if I stayed in that apartment, I would've hurt her and our baby. I couldn't destroy the chance of me being a father. The one thing, I wanted to be more than being an idol or someone famous. I wanted to have a family of my own, and now I wasn't letting it go. I bought my cigarettes and lighter and then headed back towards the apartment but I got caught up with a phone call with Hoseok. I didn't expect him to call me. "Taehyung. I need to talk to you. It's important. Come to my apartment?" he asked. I sighed heavily before responding to his request, "I'm having a smoke. I'll be there in a few minutes." I hung up the phone, opened the packet of cigarettes and placed one in between my lips before lighting it and taking a long draw of smoke. I felt my throat burn as I exhaled the smoke through my nose. I stood there for a while smoking and thinking about why Hoseok would want to talk to me. He said he needed to discuss something important with me. After, finishing my cigarette, I went back into the apartment complex and up to Hoseok's apartment. I hesitated at first to knock on his door but I did after exhaling a deep breath. He opened the door and let me in. He walked us to the living room space, where we sat down opposite each other and I sighed before looking him in the eye. He did the same.

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P.O.V: Moon Hyeyoon

I cleaned up my leg from the cut wounds as well as wiped up my blood on the bathroom floor. I got up off the toilet to wash the blood off the bottom of my foot. Suddenly, I felt immense abdominal pain and I fell to the floor whilst holding my stomach. It felt like so much worse than cutting myself. This pain was like someone was ripping my organs out one by one whilst I was still conscious. I started to cry that's how much discomfort I was enduring. My body went into shock and I had blacked out on the bathroom floor. I didn't know how long, I was out but it must've been a few hours because my body was aching. I tried to sit up but I couldn't move my legs without gritting my teeth from the pain I felt. I managed to set myself up against the wall and looked down to realise, I was sitting in a tremendous pool of my own blood. My entire lower body was covered in blood and so were my panties. I felt weak but I had to get up off the floor and clean this up before Taehyung came back. I struggled my way onto the toilet, I pulled my panties down and sat on the toilet, I felt something fall out of me and I pushed the rest of it out. I was biting down on my shirt because it strained so much. I remained still until all of it was out and finally dropped my shirt from between my teeth as I took a deep breath. The bathroom appeared like a murder had taken place. I was feeling beyond tired as I got up off the toilet to look down into the toilet bowl...

As if I didn't know that I had just miscarried, I quickly flushed the memory away as I pulled the toilet flusher and closed the lid. I quickly cleaned up the blood and anywhere that had blood, I made sure the bathroom looked spotless just like I had entered it. I showered off the dried blood and then washed out the blood stains on my clothes. I wrapped a towel around me as I walked into the bedroom to grab a fresh pair of clothes, I quickly pulled on a pair of panties with a pad to catch the remaining blood drops. I pulled on the rest of my clothing before attending to the strained washed clothes, I picked them up out the sink and rung them out before putting them in the washing machine. I washed them thoroughly before putting them into the dryer. One thing that I knew for sure was that Taehyung could never find out about what happened today or any of the members. I didn't trust anyone here. There was no one to trust here. My best friend screwed me over and so did Taehyung and everyone else I had encountered. I needed to leave the apartment.