The Devil on Her Shoulder (gxg)

Part 12- Coffee Date

The next morning I had my first therapy session. When I got up, I made sure to be quiet- Nicki was still sleeping.

But Serena was walking back in from the gym.

"Hey, Cass. Where are you going?"

Her body glistened from sweat.

"I'm going to my first therapy session." I said.

"Nice. I've been talking to a therapist as well since Mila died." Serena said.

"You have been too?"

"Yeah." Serena looked at nothing in particular, "It has brought back some memories...from my dad being killed."

"I am so sorry, Serena." I said, "This cannot be easy for you. I am glad you're talking to someone as well." 

Serena gave me a soft smile. "We will get through this, Cass." 

Mickey Goldstein, the therapist I would be seeing, was only a few minutes away from the house I was staying at. 

She was a short woman with a dark bob and glasses. She gave off welcoming energy, and I felt more comfortable in her office than I did with previous therapists I had been to. 

Of course, she knew about what happened to Mila. Everyone did. 

I found myself not wanting to talk about Mila directly. I was feeling myself shutting down more and more when it came to wanting to talk about her, about her death, and memories I had with her. 

Mickey didn't force me to talk about her. I found myself venting more about the house that I was living in- and that it didn't feel like home. I wanted to leave the college town, but I couldn't. 

"That is all very frustrating." Mickey nodded and wrote a few things down on a notepad as I spoke to her. 

"I know it is necessary." I said, "I just want all of this to be over. I want who did this to be found, and to pay the price." 

Mickey looked at me, and I continued. 

"I have no idea who did this. I am really hoping the police have more of an idea and just haven't said anything. Because it also makes me always on edge that I could be living with a fucking murderer." 

"How have you been taking care of yourself?" Mickey asked me. 

I blinked and paused. "What do you mean?" 

"How have you been sleeping? Eating? Doing things that bring you joy?" Mickey explained. 

I sighed, "Barely been sleeping, or eating. I have no appetite. Which of course fucks with me and my eating problems further. But I don't really want to get into that right now. And... I feel guilty doing things that bring me joy." 

"Why do you think that is?" Mickey looked at me. 

"My best friend died. I just feel guilt it if I feel any joy. I can't even fully explain why to be honest. I just feel guilty anytime something joyous has happened since she died." 

"What has happened since that has been joyous for you?" 

Daisy. 

"There's a girl I like. She is one of my roommates actually, we met through Mila. Her name is Daisy. I would love to pursue something with her, but now is just not the time. Daisy is making me happy; she truly is. In fact, I have had a crush on her for over a year. But I feel so bad about this good thing happening to me. Like I don't deserve any of it." I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I spoke about Daisy. 

"Have you and Daisy been spending time together, just the two of you?" 

"Well, we had sex not long ago. It was great, but of course I just felt bad after. She actually asked me if I wanted to hangout after this. I agreed to do so."